To think that I should be able to find just ONE person I can actually rely on???

[edinburger]

Please accept my apologies in advance for what is going to be a total rant.

I am just so fed up and I am sitting at my desk at work feeling so tearful and stressed that I hope that noone comes to ask my anything as if they do I will be sure to burst into tears.

Life just feels so hard at the moment. I am a single mum with very little support and it is all just getting on top of me.

How do other people cope? Today I have been let down by the after school club and suffered pointed comments from a supposed friend as well as challenging behaviour from my son.

He has just started school and I thought it would get easier but it seems that the school expect every family to have two parents and lots of on call baby sitters as they do so many events during school hours (ie work hours) or in the evening.

I just feel so let down by everyone around me - all I want is just one person I know I can rely on to give me a hand when I am struggling. I just feel so lonely and isolated.

Any words of comfort , suggestions for how to improve things woudl be much appreciated.

Try not to feel down. First step, explain to your son's school that you are a single mum and that, much as you'd love to, you won't be able to attend things on during the day or evening.... they love a 'special case' I find. Try not to compete with the 'school gate mums' cliques that will try to make you feel bad for being a) single, b) a worker and c) for occasionally forgetting it's 'come as a book character to school day' (this will happen, I guarantee). :) Choose your friends carefully and don't expect too much of them. Family tends to trump friends in my experience as long as you're prepared to ask for help and only use it sparingly. Treat yourself kindly.... if you feel unwell, tired or stressed take some time out from work to recouperate. As for 'challenging behaviour', my solution is to impress upon the child that 'we're in this together'... and that you need their help.

It's not easy but you're probably doing a much better job than you think. Chin up!

So sorry you are having a tough time, do you work full time? is the father around to help?

I am a single mum with a new school starter this year, and it is harder than it was when he was at full time nursery, sorting uniforms, packed lunches, reading books, then getting to school, getting myslef to work and having to rely on breakfast ad after school clubs, so i feel your pain!

is there any way you could drop your hours in work? do you have any family to help out?

my mum has started picking ds up from after school club this week and giving him his tea, it really helps as i am not in such a rush whe i get him, its just bath then story then bed, no sorting out food, is there anyone who could do this for you a couple of times a week?

Try not to get to down about it, you will find yourself slipping into a routine soon, i find everything being organised the night before helps

Can you find another mum friend locally and be each other's support? Maybe there is someone you see at school you can smile at? Or maybe you can advertise for one - on here even, saying that you are a single mum looking for another single mum for friendship, support and to help each other out locally.

Oh I'm sorry that you're feeling crap, OP.

I feel isolated enough as it is and I have a DH so I feel for you.

Have you tried posting on your local board on here or NetMums? Sounds like you need to build up a network of support somehow. You'd be surprised at how many other mums will be in the same situation as you.

Hope you feel better soon.

Oh OP, you are having such a bad day. Try not to get disheartened, life doles these out to all of us.

You are doing so well as it is. Do not feel guilty because you cannot attend all the school events, accept that your DS will occasionally be challenging. You are not perfect and nor is your DS, but you are doing your best. It is the start of the school year and things will settle down. In the meantime take a look at your situation and see if there is anything you can do to improve it in the future. Big hugs to you today.

oh thank you all so much for replying to my post. I really appreciate it. All I needed was a few kind words which you all supplied thank you!

I will pull myself together and will be fine - usually I am ok and pretty up beat - just having a crap day and a touch of PMT.

I work full time and DS's dad lives in another town and comes to visit him about once a month for around two hours at a time on a good day so not ideal but better than nothing I know.

I really do need to find another single mum so that we can muck in together. Unfortunately I don;t have much in the way of family around and they are not very forthcoming in offering help....

My Dad has just retired and I was hoping that he might offer to pitch in a bit, but oh no. One of the things that cuased my melt down was him backing out of a pre-arranged commitment to take DS. My job involves some overnight travel perhaps four times a year and my Dad had agreed to take DS in those instances. There is one coming up in October that he had already agreed to. At the weekend he informed me that I need to make an alternative arrangment as he and his new partner have now booked themselves into country dancing classes and the nigth they are meant to have DS clashes with their weekly lesson. So not ideal.

I am thinking of asking some of the girls from DS's nursery if they can be called upon to babysit - the nursery is near by and although I cannot really afford it at least that is more reliable than hoping for the best with my family or other mums!

Thank you so much for your kindness it realy helped me and stemmed off the tears. Think I need some chocolate

Have some chocolate and a cuppa.

It is hard but as others have said - try and team up with another school Mum - they are often your best ally in so many ways.

I have a friend who is a little scatty so will often drop into conversation "What is DD dressing as tomorrow for WBD / mufti etc" as a gentle reminder that something is coming up.

We are also each others back up in case of school pick up probs (both SAHMs but both doing pick ups to two schools so often share)

Ooh, good name choice FloraSeymour :)

I hope things get better for you, Edinburger. Can work be at all flexible so that you could attend some school events etc?