to use AIBU as a place to rant even when i know damned well that i am and a bitter, vile old boot too

[TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle]

my "darling mother" has just been telling me about sil's sis. who is 19, has 2 dc's and is pg with her 3rd. so she will have 3 under 4. apparently ahe is a "natual mother because she gets pg so easily", and its great that she "is getting it all out of the way early on". marvellous.

so im being judgey. and bitter and twisted. but i really dont care.

flame away.

Be judgey and bitter and twisted.

We should have a darling mother section.

Well whoop de doo for SIL'd sister. Why would your own mum tell you something that has clearly upset you? I am extremely lucky with mine, she is a belter, she is 800 miles and an ocean away.

uanbu as you are doing it here and not to your family

therefore in fact uabvvvvvvvr

Flippin' eck women - of course you should be judgy, bitter and twisted if your own mother has come out with such a pile of crap.

You've had to cope with so much shite, but as one of the few MNers I've met in RL I can categorically say that you are not a bitter, vile old boot at all - you're quite lovely really .

I know it's against the rules but I'm send you some >>

Oops women woman - there really is only one of you

She will be all washed up at 22. How you can laugh.

oooh, i agree. a "DM" (dont forget the air quotes) section would be fab.
thank you all, i feel much calmer for getting that off my chest.

i have nothing against the girl. she seems perfectly nice, if a little immature. her eldest is adorable and at db's wedding followed me everywhere, it just makes me ache. everyone else seems to be super-fertile except me. forget competative parenting, im sick of competative conception. im fed up of feeling less womanly and useful than the majority. i wish that i could deal with it better.

My mother picked my own wedding day to announce she'd decided I should make her a grandmother.... she knew we'd been fighting infertility for 3 years by then.

Have to endure MIL coming down to visit at the weekend (couldn't put them off - it involved pre-booked flights and stuff) and it's going to be hour after hour of how SIL's pregnancy's going - I had an EPRC this morning which she knows about - she still won't be able to help herself.

This time I'm not biting my tongue - I'm going to very politely ask her "why do you bother visiting your son to just spend hours telling him how much more fabulous his sister's life is than his?"

And as for the competitive conception thing - I came to the conclusion long ago that bastards have super sperm. See Jeremy Kyle for evidence. I'm now going to sit with minature shell suits and dress every single one of hubby's on rocket take off - should chivvy the lil buggers up a bit (knowing hubby his lot curl up somewhere and go back to sleep).

You're not bitter, vile (can't speak for the shoe thing). You're human, life's throwing rubbish at you and you hurt. Don't let the super fertile fuckers who can get pregnant by removing their knickers make you think you're not. They don't know the pain you're going through - when they break out the childbirth stories - I'm going to break out tales of the dildocam in future, because I AM bitter, vile and twisted.

PS - one of the infertility charities (think it might be Infertility Network) actually has a "dumb things people have said" board which is flipping hilarious if you're ever feeling particularly prickly and vitriolic.

She really doesn't have a clue about the hurt she is causing.

Unhelpful comments.

I don't know your story but having endured years of infertility and other people's stupidity I'm so sorry you're on the receiving end of this from your mum.

I became very bitter about it so rant away - it's better to share .

at pag, darling mother section, although I would need it all for myself

Kirtle FFS - you'd think your own mother would have more fucking compassion wouldn't you!? Can you imagine what she would have said, if at 19, you had two kids and one on the way! I doubt it would have been 'Oh you are such a natural earth mother'!? Other than her being a total twat - how are you feeling now?

EmptyShell - it's good to see you. It was worrying when you just vanished! Don't do that to us again - OK!! Your 'come-back' line for your MIL is perfect!! Don't chicken out! I think you should avoid Jeremy Vile, there's nothing like a bunch of spotty teenagers, pregnant as soon as they drop their knickers, not knowing who the father is - to make you feel like there is no justice in the world!! :(

Mothers just don't think. For what it's worth - since my mother said that we're on miscarriage number 2 (the pregnancy ended today... yes I discharged myself early to go to Ikea... was actually more of a buy-one-get-one free dealie as it was twins I lost) and she feels like utter shit for doing it.

Still won't stop my mother when the devil takes her though - she's a very hard person to be a daughter to, same as her mother was, same reason I vowed for years not to have kids to break the cycle of screwed up mummy-daughter relationships... it's just her way.

Just don't get me started on the perfect sister in law and how MIL treats hubby! They have a wonderful wonderful man as their son - yet all they do is worship his spoilt sister and tell him how fabulous her life is.

If I've learnt one thing from this most recent nightmare - it's that I'm not going to blend quietly into the background like you're expected to if you've got up-duffing issues... I'm going to stand up and say loud and proud why I don't have any (living) kids because I'm sick of infertility and miscarriage being the elephant in the corner of the room you're expected not to talk about, smile through and then go out and get a cat and be a free babysitting service for everyone who got lucky. I'm also going to complain to the hospital about the fact that they renovated their ante-natal and maternity departments yet can't even spare a lick of paint for the EPAU - making you feel even more like you're nothing in the scheme of things - just reinforces perceptions when you're at your lowest.

Emptyshell - :( You have been through such a lot. It's not fair.

emptyshell, i was thinking about you today, im so sorry that you have had to go through this again. its shit and horribly unfair. it makes me so cross that scumbags just have to drop thier knickers, and that i compare myself to them unfavourably.

thank you to everyone else. my mum is very toxic, in fact i have huge ishoos with both her and my stepdad.