to think that she is being unreasonable?

[sunshineriver]

Bit of a long one, sorry

My mum has recently left a really demanding job where she was treated really badly and is now more or less out of work. She's just found a new part-time job working evenings.

She's agreed to work weekends but can't work this weekend as she had agreed to look after my DS while I attend two Baby/Toddler Shows as I'm setting up a new toy shop and would like to show it off and hopefully get some more business. She was already having DS on Saturday so that I could go to a local show, but also agreed to have him on Sunday as I was asked if I would like to fill a slot at a London Show as someone had cancelled.

I don't drive, and so my best friend had offered to drive us down at 4am to be there in good time to set up at 8.30, and we'd drive up on Monday, staying over night so that my friend wouldn't have to drive to and from London in one day.

On Saturday, is it my cousin's baby girl's first birthday and they are having a party in the afternoon for the children, which my sister had agreed to take DS to for my mum, and later in the day for the adults.

All fine, and I have been busy making plans, when mum tells me earlier that she is going out with her friend on Saturday night and is meeting her at 8.15 and she simply has to go as she says that she's let her friend down the last two times that they have arranged to meet - also, she has spoken to my sister who is now refusing to take DS to the party as she is not on my mum's invitation and says that she has not been invited, and mum does not think that it is very fair that she will now have to take DS to the party and will have to miss out on the adult's party later on.

I have always kept her up to date with my plans and she knew that she would either have to have Charlie over night, or else have me bring him over to her house at 4am (she will not sleep in my house).

I ended up telling her that I'd just have to cancel the events then as if she can't have Charlie, I can't do them (which is true, she is my only over-night babysitter) and when I got home, I did just that.

I know that I really did spit my dummy out and should have let myself cool down before I reacted, but I just get really upset when she plays the "it's not fair" card at me when she's agreed to help me and then moans about it.

So, AIBU?

I assume your mum didn't say that she would babysit on the proviso that she didn't get a better offer so she is, therefore, being unreasonable. To let you down at short notice when she knows that the trip is important to launch your business, that you have paid for it and that you have no-one else to help out is not on and not really the behaviour of a supportive mother tbh.
I do think your comment to hairytriangle was out of order though and would be v.upsetting to someone struggling to conceive.

I think that your comment to hairytriangle was uncalled for, do you normally poke around other mumsnetter's profiles for ammunition when they disagree with you?

In response to your OP, yes it is annoying when someone cancels something that you thought was happening. Maybe you need to look at other childcare if this is likely to be a problem in the future as you are developing your business.

If there was a sence of entitlement (which I don´t agree there was) then why the hell not ffs!

Why shouldn´t we feel we can rely on the help of family and friends when we are trying to ´make it´.

I get a bit annoyed with this ´each for herself´ attitude. We can´t all afford to pay nannies and babysitters. It´s about time people took responsibility for helping and supporting family, because, YES, in my opinion, my daughter starting up a business would be much more important than going out on the razz!

The OP is trying to start up a buisiness and in her boots I would feel pretty let down and rather isolated and unsupported by the people who ought to be helping me.

"Why shouldn´t we feel we can rely on the help of family and friends when we are trying to ´make it´"

Well actually becsuse it's a couple's choice (or a single person's choice) to have a family - no-one has the right to then 'impose' any responsibility on anyone else.

"my daughter starting up a business would be much more important than going out on the razz!"

That's lovely - you are clearly a supportive mother - the OP's isn't in the same way. Not everyone is the same.

"The OP is trying to start up a buisiness and in her boots I would feel pretty let down and rather isolated and unsupported by the people who ought to be helping me."

I don't disagree that it's a let down, but absolutely no-one has the right to tell anyone else what they ought to do to support others. That's an individual choice.

Agree to disagree. The OP's mother also made the decision to have kids, and IMHO, you shouldn't have kids expecting to give up all responsibility as soon as they reach 18. A loving parent cares for and supports a child for their entire life.

You also by having kids take the risk that they might also, one day, like to have kids tehmsleves, ergo, you will become a grandparent.

It is unreasonable to expect a mother (or even a couple) to take on sole responsibility for children with no support. That is the whole point of society. Humans aren't meant to live in isolation and independance. The whole 'nuclear family' has been a twentieth century invention which goes against nature.

I am not saying that we should expect grandparents to take on loads of responsibility all of the time. All I am saying is that if you make plans to help someone out in advance, and then you leave them in the lurch for a night out with a mate, that is unreasonable, even more so when you are risking their future career.

Yes, you are right, the OP should live and learn and find someone else more reliable next time. However, IMO she has every right to feel a bit miffed.