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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In expecting a higher level of childcare from the childminders I have seen?

34 replies

newstart2010 · 15/09/2010 20:12

I saw one lady who was lovely, nice clean home, lots of suitable toys for my dd offered to give breakfast, lunch and dinner. All healthy meals etc. Sadly she was not able to look after dd as another parent of a child she minded could not swap days.

Since then I have seen 2 childminders, first one did not speak to dd atall, even tho dp tried to make a conversation between them.

The other one seemed like she was in it for the money and spent alot of time telling me about procedures and money for this and that.

Both of those childminders seemed like they did not want to feed dd if possible. Saying in the evening they will give her a sandwich or a cake and fruit?

But the first lady seemed like she would treat dd as I would food wise. Also she was happy to do activities at home with her like making arty things etc, which sounded great to me.

So AIBU to expect childcare along the same lines as the first childminder I met? And to actually feed my dd real food?

OP posts:

Al1son · 15/09/2010 20:14

There are good and bad childminders like any other job but you seem to have found a couple of corkers! Keep looking and you'll find more like the first lady.

CheerfulYank · 15/09/2010 20:42

That's so strange! When I was a childminder we did arts and crafts most days and "circle time" (learning things, singing songs and reading stories) and of course I gave them nutritious food at mealtimes! If you're not going to do that then you need to be in another line of work.

YANBU and keep looking, I'd say.

Eglu · 15/09/2010 20:45

YANBU. Clearly you have met some really bad childminders. THe first one you saw what I would expect, and exactly how our CM was when we first met her.

Original poster

newstart2010 · 15/09/2010 20:45

Thank you both for the reply, I feel like i'm pulling my hair out and sitting there trying to convince myself that I could leave dd with these people, but i know i would not feel happy about it.

Where is the best place to find a childminder? I think all the best ones are taken...

OP posts:

SquirrelonmyHead · 15/09/2010 20:47

Maybe the ones with the spaces are the less sort after, I know one childminder locally who fills all her places by recomendation so is always fully booked.

Eve34 · 15/09/2010 20:47

Where abouts are you my child minder is fantastic and has spaces....I am in Hampshire?

BAFE · 15/09/2010 20:53

So the first childminder you saw was willing to give your child breakfast lunch and dinner, but the second two childminders you saw said that they would omit breakfast, lunch and dinner and give your child fruit and cake at dinner time instead?

That sounds very odd indeed. Is there anyway you could have misunderstood what they said. That just doesn't sound right to me.

Original poster

newstart2010 · 15/09/2010 20:53

Thank you for the offer eve but i am in london :(

OP posts:

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 15/09/2010 20:59

Our council have a database of all registered childminders in the area.

All the information is available on their website to search through - yours might do the same?

pippylongstockings · 15/09/2010 21:00

Yanbu - I remember it well searching for a good CM. One I went to look at didn't have any sleeping facilities the children were expected to have a nap in their buggy or a car seat in the corner of the living room!! Another had the TV on all day long but reassured me the children didn't have to watch it, just that she found they made a fuss if it wasn't on!! Plus they always got a lolly on leaving at the end of the day...

Our CM now is an angel she has been part of our family for 3 years, and I hope she will be part of our family till the kids leave home!!!!!

Original poster

newstart2010 · 15/09/2010 21:02

My council sent me a list of childminders, it is difficutl to find someone that can do the times I need for pick ups and drop offs.

But will call them again as the list they gave me wa for childminders with current vacancies, but i would be happy to try some that do not say they have vancancies as sometimes they do.

OP posts:

HeathcliffMoorland · 15/09/2010 21:06

A minder who wouldn't talk to your DD in your presence would concern me. I have little doubt that there would be interaction if she were to care for your daughter, but surely someone who wouldn't even make the effort in the first place probably either lacks common sense, or has little interest in actually having more children to mind.

YANBU at all. Find someone good. They are out there.

Original poster

newstart2010 · 15/09/2010 21:09

exactly, she did speak to dd when dp really encouraged it by making converstion between them, but she did not carry it on and seemed more interested in telling me how dd would have to fit into what she does on one of the days she will have her as that is when she meets with a family member.

OP posts:

frakkinnakkered · 15/09/2010 21:11

YANBU. Of course they should be interacting with DD and want to feed her actual food at mealtimes!

Sadly it's rare that good CMs have spaces and the bad ones are often not very full at all so it seems you do have to visit a few rubbish ones before you find a gem unless you're exceptionally lucky. That said you may stumble upon a wonderful one who's just lost a whole family of mindees Also council lists are sometimes out of date, CMs mindees might have changed ages and that's not been taken into account and there might be wonderful newly registered CMs, so there is hope!

Have you tried nosing around on the CMs, nannies and au pairs section to see if there are any CMs in your area looking? Or the netmums local childcare boards?

Original poster

newstart2010 · 15/09/2010 21:13

i tried on here but will also try net mums, good idea

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 15/09/2010 21:15

Try childcare.co.uk. You found one good childminder, you will find another. Don't lose heart.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 15/09/2010 21:16

We had to find one at short notice. The one that loads of people had recommended was completely full, so we put ds's name on her waiting list and found another one who is lovely, but there's a couple of things that niggle me (nothing major, DH has no problem with them - it's just me!).

He's been with her for about 6 months now. Last week we had a call out of the blue from the highly recommended lady saying that one of her families was moving away so she had an unexpected vacancy. I'm going to see her next week to see about getting DS in with her.

YANBU to expect a good rapport with your dc's CM and between the CM and your dc. I found it a bit like moving house - you just get a feel for someone.

gingerkirsty · 15/09/2010 21:18

I used Childcare.co.uk to find my childminder - you can do a postcode search, and each CM has a profile. I found a lovely lady on there and it is SO important that you feel completely happy with the person you choose. Don't give up!

gingerkirsty · 15/09/2010 21:19

PS I think i had to pay to be able to email people - £12.99 for 3 mths, which is ok but i forgot to cancel the subs after I found my CM so accidentally paid for another 3 mths for no reason!

Toffeefudgecake · 15/09/2010 23:19

YANBU. Of course you should expect standards of childcare like you saw with the first childminder. I worked as a childminder for a couple of years and completed all the training. Childminders are supposed to meet high standards. For instance, they should provide healthy food and drinks, unless they prefer the parents to provide packed lunch (it can be difficult to prepare food when you are looking after two or more children). They are also meant to encourage play - not have the television on all day!

Have you thought of applying to go on the first childminder's waiting list? Of course, it depends how urgently you need childcare. I found a childminder who seemed wonderful, but she was fully booked. I visited two more, but neither of them seemed very good. In the end, I decided to wait a while and in the meantime I wrote to the first childminder asking if I could be put on her waiting list. A few months later, a vacancy came up with her. She really was worth waiting for. My son adores her.

The NCMA has advice on choosing a childminder here.

If I were you, I would look for a childminder who is a member of the NCMA (National Association of Childminders), as they have higher standards than the legal requirements.

My main advice though is - trust your instincts.

squirrel42 · 15/09/2010 23:34

OP not sure how old is your child and what hours were you looking for; all day or before/after school, but do you think that by "not feeding her" they meant not cooking a full meal? I don't think it's that uncommon for some childminders to ask that parents provide food to avoid issues with having to register with the food hygiene people at their local council and have all sorts of checks as well as keeping OTT records like fridge temperatures every day. And then things like allergies/specific diets/likes and dislikes as well as trying to cook while caring for three under fives! Packed lunches can make things easier.

alibubbles · 16/09/2010 18:59

I look after 4 under 3, at the same time ( variation - sibling) I provide a healthy cooked lunch and tea; also sometimes cooked , particularly in the winter. I also give nutritious snacks midmorning and afternoon depending on teatime.

I find it easy to provide food for them all, I would not want to store and serve 4 different packed lunches and tea. I have a menu that parents can see, I offer meals such as Shepherds pie, fish pie, chicken curry and rice, casseroles in the winter, all with fresh veg. The only things I don't cook are puddings, I only offer yoghurt, fromage frais, fresh fruit etc, I sometimes do banana and custard and rice pudding, but we are not a pudding or cake and biscuit family ourselves, we always have cheese.
Cold tea is sandwich with cold sausage, cheese cubes, cherry toms, cucumber and grapes or apple, or toasted english muffin with poached eggs, scrambles, eggy bread - I have chickens. crumpets with cream cheese, filled croissants, toasties etc.

Ther are lots of childminders, go and see a few more, hopefully you will find the right one. Word of mouth is generally the best way to go.

I know many of my colleagues ask parents to provide food, but I think that must be a pain in the neck for parents, they have enough to think about without remembering to do a days food!

Oldjolyon · 16/09/2010 19:36

I agree with the pp who said I don;t think you should necessarily expect the childminder to provide food. My CM does not, but as parents we provide packed lunches and they eat those there. But the same is true of the OFSTED outstanding nursery that my DD also attends. Having to provide your own food is really not that uncommon.

However, I would ask around about childminders. I know my one never advertises; she never needs to - she gets all her work by word of mouth.

So yes, do ask around and perhaps go back to the CM who couldn't take your DD on. I know my CM is in a network and if she can't fit a child on, they do ask each other who has got spaces.

Good luck

cory · 16/09/2010 20:11

Round here the childminders tend not to cook, but parents send in packed lunches. We did that for dcs for year, mainly sandwiches and fruit.

Original poster

newstart2010 · 16/09/2010 20:13

alibubbkes - the food you mentioned sounds perfect, its healthy and most children would eat that sort of thing. I would not expect a childminder to make a pudding, as I do not do this myself. But I do think lunch and dinner should be provided, as you mentioned the parents have got alot to do in order to get to work so would be much easier if the cm could do this.

Now that dd has started her pre-school nursery we will be asking around at the school, an if no one has space will also ask to go on a waiting list.

OP posts:

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