to have called my DS#2 ' a bit dopey' to the TA in the playground this morning?

[OrmRenewed]

because she reacted as I I'd called him 'spawn of satan' and told her I beat him with barbed wire to drive out the demons

He is lovely, bright (in his way), loving and enthusiastic. But he is 'away with the fairies' a lot of the time - a description that she accepted btw.

Is 'dopey' a bad thing to say [confused}

Oh well that's my 'very supportive mother' reputation gone for a burton

ooops - sorry bad typo - I meant to type feminine side - she definitely said feminine as well - I just can't type

That has saddened me MaMottaT. I was really hoping he had feminist principles

MaMoTTaT - Bet you've never sat in there and they've started talking about your child!!

Happened to me!!

Tippy - I'm afraid not - and hes unlikely to either when he's at home with me - I'm more of an equalitist than a feminist I'm afraid.

Majafa - no I haven't.......

YABU
I don't like name calling and calling a child 'dopey' is demeaning

How on earth are children supposed to learn about their more "quirky" traits - and adapt them to be acceptable/workable in adulthood if they don't know what they are?

No wonder so many youngsters these days are so full of themselves - they think they're bloody perfect because they've never had a negative word said against them

Why is it demeaning? I think it perfectly describes ds when I get the umpteenth phone call that he has forgotten x,y, and z and could I take it into school please. He's Year 10, he should be sorting himself and not being so dopey as to forget his physics file for instance.

I often call my DD age 3, a donut, a silly sausage, crackers, loopy, nana, fruit loop, rascal, monster, monkey.
On the other hand, I also call her clever, super duper, beautiful, special, angel, brains, helpful, gorgeous... and so on

Please tell me am I setting her up to be a)bullied?
b)arrogant and full of herself?
c)about normal?

rebecca - 'easily distracted' - check!

I have a feeling that DS#2 could be easily distracted if you put him in a padded cell . It took him over an hour to complete a small section of his maths hw last night. Not because he couldn't do it but because everything.... everything was more interesting. Cat playing in the garden, a fly walking up the window, DS#1 playing his XBox (in another room), DD talking to me in the kitchen about her day, me making lunchboxes for the next day.

Can you buy blinkers for children?

Mrsruffallo, I think you are over reacting. My DD is dopey central, I generally run her dad to school at 7.30, get home by 7.45 and she and I leave again around 8. We have been doing the same thing since term started, every day as I leave I tell her to get dressed and brush hair and teeth. Every morning I get back to find one, two or three of these things not done. When I asked her what she had been doing she told me she'd been looking at the clouds.
She does have a well deserved reputation for being dopey and easily distracted. At her last school it drove me mad that you never got a 'true' report, everything was sugarcoated. I mentioned it to her teacher and she told me that parents don't want to know the truth. I said I did and her response was that I am in the minority.

mrsr - I could think of much riper names to call him

But I don't (not out loud).

I also call him adorable, funny, interesting, loving. And those I do say out loud.

Is anyone else smirking at "cum art studio" no? Just me then?

oh dear
I often say that dd is a madam,and more often than not a monster.......
(dh calls her a noisy little oik!!)
and this is to her SW

giraffes!

I think it's important for children to know what their more negative traits are - how on earth can they become rounded successful adults otherwise?

I know I'm easily distracted and a chatterbox (no really I am ).

So......if I've got stuff that needs to be done by x time - I've learned that I have to organise myself properly and find ways to make sure I get the stuff done.

Likewise with my chattering I've had to learn when to shut up when nessecary - and not always being told to shut up iywkim

Well, yes, Orm, I have a few choice ones muttered under my breath too.

It's not about never saying anything negative, it's labelling a child that I have a problem with.
Those labels stick, and turn into self criticism more often than not

so you never tell your child(ren) that they're clever, gorgeous, funny, intelligent etc?

As they're labels too.

And actually I think a little self criticism is good and an important skill to have

negative labels then, not the kind to negatively effect one's self esteem

I don't know if being self critical is positive actually. To acknowledge your limitations, to know your strengths and weaknesses, yes, to in fact know yourself is a precious gift
But to be self critical, not sure

My son's report says that "His charm will always carry him through."
I understand this to mean "Idle little sod". No?

Not quite. Charming, idle little sod

Spirited, but not particularly academic

Thank you both

YANBU.......

but thanks for the heads up......I think maybe I should rephrase myself when asking DDs teacher later if DDs behaviour in class has been okay........& to make sure she's not acting like the cheeky jumped up little Madam, we've had to deal with at home........ (visiting extended family in School hols, more freedom & spoilt rotten by older relatives seems to have gone RIGHT to her head