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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a supply teacher in 3rd week of school is a bit much?

67 replies

OhToBeAYummyMummy · 15/09/2010 09:53

Ok, here goes, am prepared for pfb flaming :)

DS 4.6 started school 2 weeks ago. It's a slow induction process. He's been attending 9-11am every day with groups of 6 children being introduced every 3 days until the full class was put together on Mon. Full time hours don't start until Nov.

He has been nervous going in most days with full on tears and having to be peeled off me last week. We made an agreement that if he managed to go in without tears this week, he would get a treat at the weekend, (swimming which he adores).

He did so well on Mon and Tues going in with a stoical little face but when we got to the classroom this morning the TA explained to him that there was going to be a different teacher today as his teacher is on a course. At this point he broke down and ended up having to be peeled off me again. As I left two other children were in the cloakroom crying as they didn't want to go in either (this hasn't been the case any other morning that I've seen).

Is it a bit ridiculous for a teacher to be sent on a training course at this point in the induction process? I understand that the teacher could have ended up off sick and a supply teacher would have been brought in but she wasn't ill, this was a planned day out of the classroom. If we had been informed of it the day before we could have prepared our children for the fact that there was going to be a different teacher today.

I understand that my DS is going to have to get used to dealing with some situations without preparation or prior warning, but I feel that it was a bit tough on the little ones who are finding starting school a bit nerve wracking!

Go on, tell me I'm a helicopter parent :)

OP posts:
Original poster
OhToBeAYummyMummy · 15/09/2010 12:32

Again thanks to all who have posted. I am reassured that the main consensus seems to be; supply teachers will be part and parcel of school life, but it is a lot to expect of the children to go in to an unexpected and unknown teacher at such an early stage. Again, I would have had much less issue with this if there had been some warning. Although I take roadkillbunny's point that the other children might have found it more distressing knowing in advance.

I agree ProffessorLayton... that DS (and most children) would have maybe found it easier if he'd had a 1/2 day start then straight into full time hours, he was used to being at nursery until 1.30 each day.

pinkbasket, I definitely won't be taking his treat away, although I'm going to avoid bribery completely from now on as per the very good advice offered earlier in the post.

OP posts:
taintedpaint · 15/09/2010 12:38

YANBU. I still remember, clear as day, that I had a supply teacher during my second week of reception class. I was beyond upset. Luckily (or unluckily, as the case may be) I had a mother who didn't deal very well with emotional outbursts and she pushed me into the classroom anyway and I had to get on with it. I remember feeling horrible (even though the teacher herself was nice). I was thrown straight into fulltime hours though (this was in the 80s) so this may have made a difference since I had a SAHM.

In my case, the change of teacher was caused by illness so this couldn't be helped, but I quite agree, it's not fair for a training course to be scheduled this early on.

brassband · 15/09/2010 17:56

Crikey this a real eye opener for me, I have 4 children and none of them would have given a monkey's if their teacher was off.

diddl · 15/09/2010 18:03

I think the problem is that he just isn´t settling tbh.

If he was settled, a different teacher probably wouldn´t be a problem.

If children are crying so much-are they really ready for school?

OP-are you making it worse somehow?

Fussing too much?

paisleyleaf · 15/09/2010 18:03

One of the nice things about having TAs these days is that it helps with consistency when the class teacher is off.

Original poster
OhToBeAYummyMummy · 15/09/2010 18:35

diddl I don't think I'm making it worse but I might be. I don't fuss, keep things cheery and matter of fact. A kiss, smile and "see you later". I've also made sure that we've had enough time in the mornings so we're not rushing or worried about being late.

From reading other posts on mn I thought that some children just find it easier than others. As I said previously, the teacher said he's been ok a few minutes later. It just seems to be the initial parting which he finds difficult. If he was crying and crying once there I would maybe be concerned that he wasn't ready for school but he's full of beans and stories about what he's done when he gets home, and seems to be enjoying it once he's in.

paisleyleaf that's a very good point about the TA's providing consistency, it just seemed like a very early stage for there to be an unexpected new person in charge.

OP posts:
babbi · 15/09/2010 18:39

agree with diddl, this is about him not settling more than anything else. work on that and I do think that he will be picking up on you fussing ...
He will be fine just try to relax a bit

TanteAC · 15/09/2010 18:40

YABU - some courses need t run at start of term eg if there is a child with particular SEN in the class, etc. Or a new school/governmnt policy to implement ASAP.

HTH Smile

babbi · 15/09/2010 18:42

Also meant to say my DD just started school and on her second day came out with a letter telling us that her teacher was now leaving on early retirement..... I was not at all sure how to feel but TBH the kids are saying that they like her but they are not in the least bit fussed about getting a new teacher .. I am very surprised at how readily they accepted this change.

RustyBear · 15/09/2010 18:43

Are you sure she was on a course? She may have been unavoidably absent for some reason that was no business of any one else - one of the teachers at DD's school was said to be 'on a course' when she had a threatened miscarriage before she was ready to tell parents/children she was pregnant.

Spinkle · 15/09/2010 18:47

Yup, she might have been ill.

The sheer amount of germs and viruses knocking about a primary school could fell the toughest of the tough, believe you me.

diddl · 15/09/2010 20:33

You´re probably not deliberately making a fuss, but there might be something he is picking up on.

Well I think if he settles when you´ve gone & is coming home happy & wanting to talk about it then that´s great.

Is he tired?

Maybe he´s just finding it draining going every day?

When my son started Kindergarten at 3 1/2 he went in the afternoon 1.30-5.30
He would sometimes be asleep at 6-until 8 the next morning!

NoahAndTheWhale · 15/09/2010 20:40

DD started school last week and as her teacher is the deputy head, she has regular non contact time. There is a different (regular) teacher each Tuesday morning. DD seems fine with this - possibly the fact that it is a regular thing helps.

OP, I really hope your DS settles soon - it is horrible having to have children peeled off you :(

NoahAndTheWhale · 15/09/2010 20:40

DD started school last week and as her teacher is the deputy head, she has regular non contact time. There is a different (regular) teacher each Tuesday morning. DD seems fine with this - possibly the fact that it is a regular thing helps.

OP, I really hope your DS settles soon - it is horrible having to have children peeled off you :(

NoahAndTheWhale · 15/09/2010 21:17

Sorry about the double posting Blush

Original poster
OhToBeAYummyMummy · 15/09/2010 21:35

diddl He does seem tired and is ready for and in bed for 7pm (doesn't stop him from waking at 6.15am though :) ) Hopefully after a bit of acclimatization things will improve.

NoahAndTheWhale thank you. It really does feel awful leaving him when he's upset.

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 15/09/2010 21:37

Why cant' teachers do courses in the holidays...

delphinedownunder · 16/09/2010 04:28

Because courses rarely run in the holidays and because enough time is spent in the holidays marking, planning, sorting out the classroom, assembling portfolios, making resources, changing displays and so on. Teachers have families too.

Spinkle · 16/09/2010 07:11

Oh yes, let's not forget all that, cos you'd complaining if we didn't do that too....

'I noticed little Freddie's classroom display hasn't been changed for 2 weeks, AIBU if I complain to the Head?'

tsk tsk, I dunno, they go home at 3pm what do these teachers do all day?

scaryteacher · 16/09/2010 09:53

'Why cant' teachers do courses in the holidays...'

As Delphine says, courses don't run in holidays, but ones I've been on have run at weekends, so I've spent my weekends going on a course, and school have complained about me asking for petrol, when the course has cost them nothing.

Original poster
OhToBeAYummyMummy · 16/09/2010 10:44

I personally don't think that teachers should have to do courses in the holidays or at weekends, or if they do they should of course receive expenses and TOIL as with other jobs.

I think the posters who suggested that the problem is really that he's not settled hit the nail on the head.. I still wish we'd had prior warning but as someone else suggested there could have been an illness/problem she didn't want people to know about. Even if it was as stated and she was on a course if he was happy going in it wouldn't have been a problem.

In the limited contact we've had with his teacher she seems great. I take my hat off to teachers in general, not only do you have your pupils to contend with you have all of the demanding parents too, who understandably want the best for their child.

If anyone has any ideas for helping him settle they'd be greatly appreciated. Today was awful again, even with his lovely teacher there :(

OP posts:
babbi · 16/09/2010 11:04

I am sorry he still seems upset. I think Thursday is the worst day of the week for kids as they are really getting tired by then. Friday seems to be a better day as they are excited about stopping for the weekend.
When I tutor whether adults or kids I never schedule anything for a Thursday, no one is in the mood.
I'm sorry I can't help re settling as mine loves it ...but didn't want to ignore you. Hopefully someone else will be along soon who can help .. maybe one of the teachers ??

diddl · 16/09/2010 11:14

Just looked at the OP again.

He´s still only doing 2hrs a day?

That really isn´t much at all.

Is there any chance that there´s another child who he doesn´t like or is wary of?

Original poster
OhToBeAYummyMummy · 16/09/2010 13:28

Thanks babbi I aprecciate you taking the trouble to post. I'm pleased your DD is enjoying school.

Yes diddl, only 2 hours! He is happy once in school and although he hasn't made one particular special friend yet, he tells me about the different children he has played with and who he sat next to etc and doesn't seem to have a problem with any children/staff. He told me yesterday and again today that he loves his teacher, so it's not that either. I have been primarily a SAHM (worked around state nursery times latterly) so he is used to being with me all of the time, but is very sociable and confident (sometimes overly so).

OP posts:
diddl · 16/09/2010 13:36

I think you´ll just have to take heart that he is OK whilst there & just wait for him to go in without a fuss.

So is he on 2hrs until Nov. & then it increases until 3pm(?)