to not want this child round again

[Pushmeinthepool]

I have 2 girls aged 11 and 5. We've lived in our house for 3 years, and there is a girl next door who is aged 8. She often calls round to play with either of the girls, or both girls, depending on whether both my girls are at home and what else they're doing.

She was always nice and no trouble until about a year ago when for no reason she told her mum that I'd told her she wasn't allowed round again. Cue her very fiery mum on the doorstep ranting, raving and effing at us. It took a long time to smooth things over; I really don't think it's ideal to have a feud with the neighbours.

Anyway, she has been okay for a while but in the past month or two, she has started being really horrible to my 11 year old, and what's worse is she's been getting my 5 year old to gang up with her too against my 11 year old. My 11 year old doesn't get overly upset and just leaves them to it, and obviously because of what happened before with the mum going beserk I daren't say too much in case it all explodes again. I tell my 5 year old in front of the girl not to be horrible and tell her off for what she's said.

Anyway, last night both girls had a friend round. My 5 year old and her friend were playing and the girl from next door just came round, walked in and went upstairs to play with my 11 year old and her friend. I thought I'd leave them and see how they got on, but after 10 minutes DD1 came downstairs upset and said the girl from next door was whispering to her friend about her, and saying to DD1 that she was weird and evil, and also getting stuff out in her room and throwing it and saying she was going to break it all. DD1 and her friend that was round have been friends for ages and are good friends, and the girl from next door was trying to poison her friend against her.

I immediately said she had to go home as I was about to take her other friend home shortly, and I think the girl from next door got my point and knew exactly why she was being asked to go.

So, from now on each time she calls I'm going to make an excuse as to why she can't come in. I spoke to a friend last night who said that it is really bad that she is trying to make 2 sisters fight, and I agree. I just don't want the hassle of falling out with next door again as they really do take things to extremes. I know kids are kids and I would be happy for anyone to tell my child their behaviour wasn't acceptable if they were behaving like this girl has done.

Tell the girl that she is not allowed in.

Wait for Ghastly Mother to come round and start shouting the odds. Then say 'well I definitely am not having her in now, that is twice you have shouted at me, now go away i don't want anything more to do with you'

Then wait for them to put bleach in your rhododhendron bush, or something.

Seriously, you may be laid back but it is not fair on your daughters that this malevolent little sprite is allowed to come in in order to keep the peace with the gorgon next door.

zipzap puts it perfectly.

I have my door open as a matter of choice, and both DS and DD's friends are in and out, if there are 3 or 4 of DD's friends here it is difficult to single one out to send home.

Whilst DD is my priority I am very aware that this little girl is only 7 and needs help developing social skills..

Despite the fact that she creates a difficult situation, some of these replies make me a little sad on her behalf.. If she isn't being taught the social graces at home, then I'll happily try to find a balance of protecting my DD whilst gently encouraging this child to be more considerate.

I am starting to think that I live in a different universe. Since when do you have to have children round your house who make your children cry or tell others they are evil and gang up on them? There's the odd falling out, and then there's consistent nasty behaviour that makes your children unhappy. I just wouldn't have friends or anyone's children round who are like this, presumably you don't have 'friends' who bully you or pick on you, so why should your poor children have them either. I just don't agree that a poorly socialised difficult child who makes your child cry a lot should be left to practice their social skills on your own child. Aren't friends for having fun with?

Onetoomany (and everyone else) I totally agree; there is a big difference between a minor falling out and how this girl is behaving. I feel really powerless in my own home TBH as DH keeps saying "we don't want to to fall out with the neighbours". But no way am I tolerating this behaviour from her any longer!

She caught up with DD2, DS and I on the school run yesterday and said she would call round, and I made it clear to her that both girls were busy, which they were as they had dancing and swimming. She said that she'd call round tonight instead then and I said "No, because they will have friends round to play tomorrow" . Nothing is arranged yet but I can easily arrange for some friends to come round tonight after school.

No don't make excuses - its your home and why shoudl you have to put up with a girl coming into your home because you want to keep the peace - now you are goign to make excuses

You decide who coems into your home not the womna next door

You don't have to be friends with your neighbours. Shut your door and have fun with your own family and ask your DDs who they would like round for a play/tea.