to think that 4 is too young to be left at a party alone?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

First school party of this academic year.

DS1 has just started reception so it was the child's 5th birthday. All the other children there were 4. It was at big soft play centre.

Almost half of the children were left there alone.

One little girl had a wee accident as she didn't want to ask to go to the toilet and her Mum hadn't shown here where they were before she left.

I spotted another boy holding his genital area and looking uncomfortable - he needed the toilet aswell so I took him. He couldn't even get his trousers down by himself.

A third child had a nasty bump with another child (who wasn't part of the party) and was inconsoleable for about 15 minutes (his parents hadn't left a contact number).

AIBU to think that 4 is too young to be left alone at this sort of party, (especially without leaving a contact number and checking that your child can get to and go to the toilet if they're unlikely to ask anyone else)

I don't think 4 is too young to be left alone at a party

But I personally wouldn't leave my 4yr old at a soft-play place (party or not)

OMG - are you me?
One parent turned up late and his child had sneaked out with another mum, and I nearly had a cardiac arrest. I didn't know which kid was which and I was busy sorting out candles!

NIGHTMARE - far too young. Not doing it again. Bugger that, sooo stressful.

Maybe OK, for 10 kids, at my house, but 25 in a public place, where they could sneak off. Urghhh I shudder at the memory....

Depends on the child, depends on the venue. Some children are perfectly capable of managing on their own almost anywhere.

My DS2's 4th birthday was at a local gym with two members of staff provided to lead the bouncy fun. It's a popular local place and many of the children know it well. About half were left alone and about half the parents stayed.

All was well. I made sure I had mobile numbers of the parents I didn't know. There were twenty children and I policed the door.

As Thing said, it depends on the child and the party.

I have left my 4yr old DD at parties, but only whan I know the parents of the birthday child pretty well and the party is in a place where I know she'll be safe (friend's front room = safe, beach = less safe).

YANBU, but depends on circumstances and the child.

I don't usually leave mine (3&5) but I would if I knew and trusted whoever was watching them.

I cetainly wouldn't have left them when they couldn't manage the loo confidently, but this really oughtn't (is that a word?) be an issue at 4....should it?
Should that be a new thread?!

I think the child who couldn't manage his trousers might have had new trousers! They had a belt on and it was that that he couldn't manage. I felt ever so sorry for him. He's young in the year and quite small for his age - bless him!

I agree though, it does depend on the circumsances. A few children at someone's house is very different to 20 in a big softplay centre.

All my children have been left at parties at that age. Didn't have much choice if DP was working as I have 4 other children to look after.

Nooooooooooooooo

throw them out of a moving vehicle if host parent is happy with a drop off

I've left my DS2 from about 4YO at soft play places that he knows, with families that we know (ie. friends of ours who had lots of uncle/aunties around at party to supervise). I also left him at a party run by one of the teachers at his pre school, at her parents' house. If I don't know both the adult(s) running the party and the venue, I won't leave him.
My Ds1 has HF ASD and I never left him when he was in Reception. I started leaving him in Y1, but only if he knew the adult and the venue. Otherwise, I'd either make excuses not to go, or stay with him.
For the first time, last weekend, left DS1 (now nearly 7) with a mum I didn't know so well at a 'split venue' party (bowling then walk to pizza place). I left her a card with all my numbers on it, and made sure I stayed nearby (shopping about 5 minutes from venues!) as I didn't feel safe going home (20 minute's drive away). I was on tenterhooks the whole time but he had a great time and was really proud of himself for being so independent .

I would (and have) both left my 4 year old at parties and had 4 (and 3) year olds left at her 4th party.

I think the person organising the party is responsible for making sure that they have sufficient adults to look after the number of children coming. If they want parents to stay and supervise they should specify in the invitation.

Nonsense

it depends on the child and the circumstances.

DD went to lots of parties at that age and her 4th birthday party only a few of the parents stayed. She was perfectly capeable of goingto the toilet and equally able to ask fr anything she needed. The children who can't do that ( my DS1 at that age wouldn't) should have parents there.
But saying x age is too young is usually bollocks as children are all different

But you should aways leave a telephone number regardless of age.

I will find out what happens here as DD is having her 5th birthday party at a soft play place a week on Sunday. Going by the fact that at least 80% of parents stay for parties that DS (6 and in year 2) goes to I am assuming they will stay.

Another child in her class has their 5th birthday party this weekend so shall see what happens then.

At DD's 4th birthday party last year most parents left their children but it was at our house. We moved in June and party going seems different here (DS started being left in reception although others in his year were left at his 4th birtdhay party)

I agree that I wouldn't leave without leaving a phone number.

YANBU.

It depends. I left 4 YO DS at a babygym party on sunday, all the kids were left, it was fine.

At his 4th party all the kids were left as well (some of them only 3). Every 15 mins we (me and other people doing party with me) walked round the gym and asked who needs a wee as the toilets off a public area and we wouldn't let them go on their own.

Sounds like this party wasn't well supervised.

If the event is properly organised, then 4 is perfectly reasonable for many children to be left alone. After all, they don't have their parents with them in school all day! They manage that for a lot longer with probably just two adults in the room.

If a child isn't confident to ask for the toilet etc, then its a different matter (though I would wonder how they cope with school or pre-school in that case)

I left DS who was 4.0 at the time at a birthday party with a parent I knew in their house. However, at 4.6 I chose not to leave him at another party (too many children, not enough adults, hazards etc). My DS is happy to be left at parties, but I am not leaving him unless I am happy with the situation. I would not be at all happy about the situation the OP has described.

DD - wouldn't be left till she was almost 6yo, then only with a contact number (and mostly because by that point I also had an 18 month old and a newborn baby and no childcare...)

DS1 - was happily insistant that he was left by 3 and a half. Think I cramped his style or something...

DS2 - Is almost 7yo, and STILL will not be left, would be inconsolably crying. Which is a PITA tbh, he's left perfectly happily at school, so why on earth will he not stay at a party which if fun???

So YANBU because the parents should a) know if their dc is likely to be happy if left at that age and b) Leave a ruddy contact number!

Fine to leave most four-year-olds at most fifth birthday parties, but not all four-year-olds at all fifth birthday parties.

Any children who are in reception and are at school should be able to get themselves to the loo
otherwise what in earth happens at school
leaving a contact number though is vital

Loudlass, I'd just tell ds2 he either gets left or he doesn't go
no fun for other siblings being towed along otherwise

I have never left any of mine at that young age. I wouldn't have put that responsibility onto another parent. Obviously, all children are different so YANBU.

Why would you leave a four year old at school all day and not at a two hour party? I would check out the arrangements (e.g. is there only one exit and who is manning it?), leave my number (mobile always) and check my child was happy going in/playing with friends, then make a judgement call.

The only time I haven't left them at a party was at a village hall do, where there were lots of exits, lots of people milling around that I didn't know, and I just didn't feel confident anyone would notice my little one if she needed the toilet or went outside. So, I stayed and joined in the party games, I don't think anyone minded.

I wouldn't feel obliged to drop off if you'd rather stay, but equally, if half the parents stayed, there were plenty of adults to help out. If I stay, I always help put things out, help children go to the loo, join in the singing and dancing, I think it's unreasonable to go and then not to help out.

I'd have left mine. And a contact number.

in the circumstances you mention, I would not leave DS2 alone (he is 4) BUT in other circumstances I would, he has been toilet trained for nearly 2 years, happily goes to the toilet himself without asking, and at our local playcenter he knows where the toilets are and would go himself without me even knowing he had gone.

I am having a party for 20 of DS2s friends in a couple of weekends time I am expecting most parents to stay but will have a list of children with parent contact numbers to hand of those who don't stay.