expecting to be treated with a little respect?

[HappySlapper]

Bit of background - I separated from exh in May this year - there was no one reason for it, just had come to the end of the road, imo. He asked for a trial separation, and I agreed, but told him that I didn't think a 'trial' worked - we should separate for good. A couple of days later, he asked to try again, and I refused. So we have been apart ever since.

He sees lots of ds - a couple of overnights a week and almost every day either before or after school. I also have a dd from a previous relationship, that he has not spoken a word to since the day he left

The problem is this - he talks to me like crap - looks at me like I'm something on the bottom of this shoe - generally as if I'm being punished..... for what? I really wanted to stay friends for the sake of ds, but it's becoming increasingly difficult not to rise to this - I am never anything but reasonable and cordial towards him, and I don't deserve this treatment. Plus it makes me really fucking angry

Do I confront it, and let my calm exterior sink into screaming fishwife mode? Or just carry on with the ignore, ignore, ignore thing that I have been doing...?

WWYD?

Erm... wait a cotton picking minute there holyShmoley - that IS what I'm doing, and have done since the split. I generally treat people how I wish to be treated...Did you even read my OP?

And where did I say that he was a "vile cunt tosser"?

Phil? Is that you?

HS I feel a bit sorry for him, because although he'd had quite a few chances before hand, he wanted to try again after the split and you didn't. He's obviously hurting and trying to have any contact with you that he can - even if bit's negative. He's lashing out.

Does DD have any contact with her bio Dad or is your DH her only 'Dad'?

If he is her only 'Dad', I think your biggest issue should be their relationship, not how he's treating you. Do you know if she told him to sod off and not talk to her? She's a 12 year old girl, losing the the only 'Dad' she's ever known - it is going to have a huge impact on her whole life and all of her relationships in the future - she needs someone inpartial to talk to and help her work through her feelings.

If she still has her bio Dad it's not so bad - but still not good.

Their relationship was part of the reason that I wanted to split, Chipping - dd hasn't seen her bio dad for 4 years, and it was important to me that she had a father figure in her life - but he wasn't interested.

Since we've split - she's told me things that he said/did when I wasn't here - like taking the tv remote into town in his pocket, so that she couldn't watch tv and those things have contributed to the way that I see him now.

I appreciate you looking at things from another pov, but dd and I talk all the time, she has plenty of opportunity to work through her feelings.

HS it's great that you feel she can talk to you, but don't you see - she didn't tell you about these things when they were happening - so she does protect your feelings. IMO and it's only my opinion of course, she would benefit from having someone she can be totally honest with, without having to worry about upsetting them. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck getting things sorted out.

I am seeing some not-very-covert criticism of the OP here

What is wrong with some of you posters ???

HS...you have absolutely given him plenty of chances to be the mature guy. I don't give a shit how "upset" he is, or how "rejected" he feels. He should have thought about that before he forced you to end the relationship

I expect you didn't take his request to be taken back (into a shit situation, it sounds like) at all likely, and I would wager there is lots more you haven't even told us !

You are right to not take any more shit from him, HS

at all lightly, not likely

what sort of wanker takes a remote control in his pocket to town, what a complete tosser x sorry for your poor dd x

< quick hijack and conefession >

I once took dd14's laptop out with me in the boot of my car. She was banned as a punishment and I wanted to make 100% sure she didn't use it when I was out. I think this is different though...(hopes)

< as you were >

"give him credit for making the effort to see so much of his ds"

what? have I slipped into a time warp?

dd14s? bugger me anyfucker i am surprised you had the energy to drive!!!!!

AF - I am seeing the same thing. It's being implied that I didn't try hard enough, and it's making me a bit cross tbh - the fact of the matter is, he's being a controlling prick, and I have to say so.

There is lots and lots I haven't said - ultimately, I haven't done anything wrong, just leave a relationship that was making us both unhappy - and that does not entitle him to treat me like crap.

hs no it doesnt give him the excuse to treat you like crap, fuck him stupid wanker

HS....absolutely !!!

Mrs...I hope you have twigged by now that I meant dd who is 14yo

Not that I have 14 dds

Or are you joshin' me ?

AF - I've taken her phone to work as a punishment That's completely different, if it's to discipline. But the remote thing wasn't for that - it was so that he could get one over on her.

i was joshing you!!!!!! i am (i hope) not that dense!!!!

ah, good, Mrs

HS...yes, getting one over on a little girl is just peachy ain't it