not to go to DS dads wedding?

[weddingnochance]

OK I have name changed for this as the information may out me and I want my normal username to remain confidential IYSWIM.

Split from DS dad when he was 13 months as Ex-p cheated. Lots of history in relationship and was the final straw.

He has been seeing a lovely girl now for 4 years and they are engaged.

DS was born abroad and I lived and worked there, Ex-p been in the country since he was 5 yo and his step dad if from there. After we split Ex-p refused to make commitment for have DS and refused to have him for the night or he wouldn't be able to go out . EX-MIL wouldn't have DS either as she said she can't do anything if she had him ie supermarket/ houseowrk. I decided that it was best I moved back to the UK for support from my family as I had 2 jobs abroad to survive and pay rent. (1bed apt)

Ex-p said fine but would not pay maintenence. He was paying but it wasn't regular and always less than agreed as he couldn't afford he apparently.

We agreed no maintenence but he would pay for us to visit or he would visit DS.

We visited once and he did pay. That was march 2007.

Each year he's given 100E for DS birthday and xmas. This birthday (August) he gave nothing saying he couldn't afford it.

In the same phonecall he said he's getting married February next year in Gibralta (easier for paperwork) and invited me - no mention of DS .

The wedding is during term time and I work in a school so even if leave was granted as it's DS' father it would be unpaid - and get this - he wants me to pay for me and DS flights and accomadation to Malaga and then our transport (car hire presumably) to get to Gibralta for the wedding.

I said NO. (haven't mentioned anything to DS as hes only 6yo)

AIBU, WWYD and how do I explain this to DS??

Aside from anything else, why would he think you would be interested in going to his wedding?

Weird.

I presuming he wants DS there - although he's not actually said that. Ex-MIL did though when trying to persuade me to go.

odysseus what bits wierd?

That he would invite you but not DS?

I could understand a man/woman inviting their child (plus ex if needed to look after child)to their wedding, but not their ex without the child. Just seems really, very strange!!

You were quicker on the trigger than me diddl - exactly what I was going to ask ! Almost sounds like a nose rubbing exercise especially as hes no interest in your only link to him now i.e. your DS being there (which would be the only valid reason for inviting you}.

BTW - did you mean your DSs SD - i.e. your new partner is from there or your EX-Ps SD is from there - afraid I lost plot but doesnt take much

uh, how very odd.

YANBU for not going to the wedding, I wouldn't go either and I wouldn't say anything to DS, other than as very casual information to pass on.

If he's not seen his son 3.5 years then I presume their bond isn't a particularly strong one? I doubt he'll be upset.

Also agree v strange. Don't go unless he offers to pay, and even then only if you can afford to loose the money from work.

Wow, what to wear as well, you'd need something that looked fabulous, but without being too sexy/try hard... (sorry, I'm sure you're just focussing on the ethics etc)

Thank you for posting this wedding, the mans sheer brass bollocks have given me a much needed chuckle.

He pays no maintenance for his son, barely sees him and now he wants you to pay for travel and accomodation abroad to attend his wedding? There are no words, except, maybe tell him to fuck off.

I would suggest if he really wants his son there he could collect him.

What bratnav said.

No I do think the invite was for me and DS, not just me. Think it was the way he worded it. 'It would be good if you can come' opposed to 'I'd really like DS there, of course you can come to look after him' but then maybe I'm just picky.

DS knows he has a dad, speaks to him xmas and birthday but has no real comphrehension of who he is iyswim.

Ex-p's step dad is from Tenerife where DS was born and I lived there for 6 years, Ex-p lived there since he was 5yo.. Not really sure what the significance of me posting that was tbh just the background I guess.

If he had given money to/for DS for his birthday and offered to pay for at least the flights I may have even considered approaching the governers about time of work.

I have in the past suggested Ex-p and invite extended to his fiance to come and stay with DS, I would stay at a friends for the week, so he can spend time with his son, get to know him and only pay for flights.

bratnav glad I made you chuckle - I've just chuckled reading back my post. It is a fucking bizzare situation

I would think that the Governors would take seriously the request for your son to attend his father's wedding and, in view of his age, the need for you to take him there.

However, if I were you, I'd rather chew my own arm off than go!

after bratnav's post i dont feel you need any further advice.

to be honest why spend an awful lot of money on going to see a man who couldnt give a stuff about his son!

no don't bother - unless you can make it a holiday that happens to have the wedding in it briefly?

What do you think the outcome will be if you didn't go? Is it something you can afford? Is it sommething that will benefit you or your son?

You and your family come first esp as he has made no effort with his son he has no right to expect you do drop everything so that ds can attend just to show him off I expect?