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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to say something. WWYD?

19 replies

lola0109 · 12/09/2010 22:33

Hi all,

Just a general wondering on what you would do?

DD2 was born 5 months ago and my SIL gave birth to niece a few days later. As we were both pregnant at same time we discussed baby names etc and both had our choices for boys and girls. Both having girls the boys names weren't needed.

I had quite a difficult labour with DD2 and said at time that was it no more, but a few weeks later was saying oh well we'll see what happens in a few years.

SIL is now pregnant again and told me her name choices and her boys name has changed...to my boys name! She said when telling, oh but you'll not be having any more surely?

Now I bit my tongue, as I always do. But now I feel I should say something! I'm a bit at the fact she's taking the name!

WWYD??

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 12/09/2010 22:35

So you've had a girl... And you're annoyed that she is thinking about using a name that you thought about using?

Don't say anything. You'll make yourself look stupid.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 12/09/2010 22:38

I'm a bit at someone thinking that they 'own' a name tbh.

Mowiol · 12/09/2010 22:39

I think YABU - you are not pregnant and aren't even sure if you will be again.
You don't "own" a name and people are entitled to change their minds.
It's not worth falling out over, really it's not.

Minshu · 12/09/2010 22:43

If you decide to get pg again, you will have probably changd your mind about boy's names, too (especially if you have a nephew of that name).

Original poster

lola0109 · 12/09/2010 22:43

No we both had girls and we both had boy choices, but it was the way she said it about me having no more children and it was also my name for DD1 had she been a boy. It's not a common name and it wasn't anything like what she had for her choices.

I actually sense that I probably ABU but I think I was just a bit taken aback and also still sleep deprived so extra sensitive!

I think had she worded it better like "oh we thought it sounded so lovely" or even "do you mind..."

Now I know if we do decide to have another DC it will probably be another girl so this will be a moot point but I was just a bit

OP posts:

Vallhala · 12/09/2010 22:44

What Mowiol said. You don't have a monopoly on names and may even change your preferences when and if you become pregnant and when and if you have a son in years to come.

It really isn't for you to tell SIL what names she may or may not choose if she has a boy.

Original poster

lola0109 · 12/09/2010 22:51

Yeah you are probably right, probably just extra sensitive, I think it was more of a case of it was another wee thing in a long line of wee things! But I certainly wouldn't fall out, I didn't even fall out with her when she told me I shouldn't have let DP quit the job he hated or that she thought some of my parenting styles were "not exactly what she would agree with" (in a drunken conversation so still not sure what they were).

I actually think she may change her mind a few times in next 6 months so we'll wait and see.

OP posts:

nannylocal · 12/09/2010 23:01

I'm lending you a bit of support. I don't think YABU to be slightly irritated. No-one 'owns' a name, but if you've expressly said to someone, in your family, 'I really like such and such a name and would use that if I have a boy' and they use it, when they had no interest before, that is a bit inconsiderate I think! There are a lot of names to choose from, she didn't have to pick the one you said you liked, sounds a bit petty to me. Nothing you can really do about it though.

I think this happened on an episode of Sex and the City once and Charlotte was most upset!

Original poster

lola0109 · 12/09/2010 23:05

Oh thanks nanny, I am totally Charlotte actually (although without the figure or wardrobe) :)

Although I think it was just the combination of lots of things as I think had she been nicer about it I would have been honoured (although told nephew anytime he would listen that I chose his name). :o

OP posts:

nickschic · 12/09/2010 23:05

You could say ohhh that wont work so well cos if we have a son we are still sure to call him our original choice ....perhaps yours can be xxxxx senior and ours could be xxxxxjunior.....that will put her off .....i think your being a tad oversensetive but i think sil is equally being a tad thoughtless.

scottishmummy · 12/09/2010 23:16

it isnt "your" baby name.no one has dibs on a name.daft to be riled by something so trivial

Original poster

lola0109 · 12/09/2010 23:20

Ha ha nicks thats an idea.

Is it so odd for cousins to have the same name? if there were a few years between them would I still be able to use the name? Although I don't think that I would.

Also she has said if it's a DD she will have same middle name as my DD1. Now I think about it, I think she may have been winding me up and was probably looking for reaction!

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 12/09/2010 23:22

if she has on wind up she has pushed all your buttons.kerching

now go focus on something that actually matters,this is worth family aggro

ChippingIn · 12/09/2010 23:33

YANBU I agree with nannylocal!

CaptainNancy · 12/09/2010 23:39

Just make sure you mention the name to all the pg women you meet in her area.... she won't want to use it if he'll be the 10th Septimus that year...

scottishmummy · 12/09/2010 23:44

so what if op chins sil about this and sil say "aye whateva".i wouldn't avoid a name if requested to.nor would i get hump if someone chose same names as my dc.given that names are in public domain and accessible to all

Original poster

lola0109 · 12/09/2010 23:53

Scottishmummy, i think that would be her exact response. :)

I think when she mentions it again I'll say "oh I thought you were winding me up" and then use nickchics idea.

If she still wants to use it then so be it.

Its not the first nor will be the last time she winds me up so I'll pick my battles!

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 12/09/2010 23:57

if it comes up again dont take the bait.smile and ignore.if you two do rub each other up wrong way,then best be cool and cordial.clearly she knows how to push your buttons.ding dong

DetectivePotato · 13/09/2010 09:29

YABU, it isn't your name and you had already said you weren't having anymore. Doesn't matter if you are changing your mind, you aren't pregnant and she is.

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