To feel a bit put upon and kicking myself cos I'm a people pleaser?

[isoldeone]

I'm a relatives only bridesmaid for a wedding this week. The wedding is 300 miles away and involves 2 overnight stays in two different hotels as reception is miles from church . Bride herself lives abroad and is coming to parental home to get wed Accepted delightedly to be matron of honour 9 mths ago but now the shine is wearing off as; the bridesmaids dress I'm wearing is the one she wore at mine . It's been altered by mil who orginally did them. My relative isn't skint . It's been done for simplicity sake as no bride/ bridesmaid meet up ( we are normally continents apart) at the time I thought nothing of it but now with the thought of various complicated travel plans involving my elderly parents who are kicking off at any given moment, having to take unpaid leave, drag ds1 at 13 months , grumpy dh dreading two days of handling elderly grumpy parents and look after ds part of day. I've booked hotels , sourced travel cots for a hotel that won't provide them , trudged round a shopping centre today on my own to try find something suitable for my hair and shoes - my mum kicked off at me on phone about some tiny change of plan inthe travel plans and the fact I've not bothered to lose weight , the dress won't fit blah blah ... Grr I keep ( not seriously) wishing ds develops chicken pox and I can stay at home.... Aibu?

YANBU.

I would have refused to wear the dress, and would have bought my own. (In a colour of her choice)

Stop taking crap from your mum. She should not be so rude to you!

I don't see how you're put upon at all, actually. What were you expecting when you said yes?

I do have sympathy about you regretting it though - but that doesn't actually mean you're being put upon, just that you should have said no.

It's a but hard to be firm with my mum. She had a stroke and now she just says what she wants. No good having it out with her. too I'll. I said yes redragon because relative was my bridesmaid. She wanted me to wear the dress as she loved the colour she said . Just today wandering round a city centre trying to find a hair thing and suitable shoes -. No idea if they are the right things. Just had a " god this wasn't quite what I had in mind" thought in a busy accesorize .my bridesmaids all had the works on their fitting day ( invited to mils, drinks lunch girly day looking at magazines asking what they would like etc etc..) everything bought and paid for. Times have moved on and a day like that isn't practicalfor this wedding but still I m just feeling unappreciated! I should have said no I guess but as plans developed it slowly became apparent how impractical it all is!

Oh, I see. I guess if she was your bridesmaid it's a bit tough she's not paying for things when you did for her. Sorry, I read that wrong before, I do see why you're fed up.

It's not the money. It's more the fact I'm sorting out every little last thing ! I didn't appreciate how tricky it would be with ds1. I've only just gone back to work after ml and although the date could not be helped it was assumed I'd still be on ml! Brides mum who did all organising didn't bother to check ( sorry stealthing here!) crazy requests too like could I source some of bridesmaid dress material for another potential bridesmaid sprung on me only a coupla weeks ago! I did say no to that! My parents were in hysterics on phone as mum could not understand my travel plans tran times being able to just book on Internet etc doesn't want to stay in first hotel picked by bride (5star) wants to stay in hotel that doesn't exist since 20 years ago ( a side effect of stroke) . It's all very trying !