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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry that a local teenager and her gang

21 replies

Ripeberry · 11/09/2010 15:35

Cornered my daughter aged 8yrs old and told her that she was a witch and made her say it out loud and then walked off laughing?

I so want to go out there and give them a piece of my mind but they are not worth it (I would be sure to be arrested).

But is there another way to get back at them?
They are 14-15yrs old and prance around the estate in short skirts, high heels with loads of black eyeliner and hidious bleach blonde 'chopped' hair.

What would you do if it was your kid they were bullying?

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 11/09/2010 15:38

If I knew where they lived and didn't fear a pasting I'd go & see the parents. If not call the local police station, get them to come & have a few words.

Nasty little bitches.

rainbowinthesky · 11/09/2010 15:39

I'd go round to their parents and tell them.

BAFE · 11/09/2010 15:39

Are they bullying her? Or is this just an isolated incident.

TotorosOcarina · 11/09/2010 15:40

Sorry but my sieter is 16 years old and looks exactly as youdescribed : They are 14-15yrs old and prance around the estate in short skirts, high heels with loads of black eyeliner and "hidious" (nice ) bleach blonde 'chopped' hair.

And she is the sweetest girlaliv, she sticksp for anyone that is being bulled and is higly adred for it.

I understand you are upset over this (any mum would be) but i think your description of them is unessecary TBH.

It doesn't matter what they look like, the point is they have upset your DD.

And what do you man by 'getng back at them?' - why not just call your local police to speak to them rather than becoming a bully yourself?

choufleur · 11/09/2010 15:42

Call the police.

cidre · 11/09/2010 15:44

How is your daughter?
And how is she about it?
Make a written note, dated and timed. Do you know their school?
Hard as it is, just try to keep a record, but if your dtr finds it really distressing,tell her you are dealing with it.(which you are, either give written record to school, or police depending on how situation develops.)
Good luck.

HowsTheSerenity · 11/09/2010 15:47

Is this the first time it has happened?
In all honesty, and I will probably get flamed for this, but it is not the end of the world. Yes it was horrible for your daughter but they did not physically harm her, steal from her or do anything that might scar her for life.

I would explain to her that some people are morons and teach her how to cope and deal with dickheads like those girls. Of course if it happens again then I would let the parents know and maybe drop a line to the police if it escalates.

I would not 'get back at them'. You are sinking to their level then.

Original poster

Ripeberry · 11/09/2010 15:49

And what do you think the police would do? For now it's an isolated incident as normaly I keep my daughter in to keep out of their way.

Most people on the estate keep out of their way. No point going to the parents of the gang leader as they don't give a damn and never have.

The girl has had lots of visits from police but she is not bothered.

Just fed up of having to plan my day around when they are doing their 'rounds'. Thank goodness they don't surface until 3pm at the weekends.

OP posts:

TotorosOcarina · 11/09/2010 15:55

The police would logg it as an incident and then if anything happened again they would have a history.

By not reporting it you are letting it go, and when somebody else eventually reports htem then THAT will be classed as the first thing they have ever done wrong (even though its only the firsat time anyone has stood up againnst them) and nothing will happen.

The first time you report them nothing much will happen, true, maybe a chat and a report, but the time after that, and the time after that ... it all builds up.

The police cannot stop this behaviour if they aren't told about it.

Original poster

Ripeberry · 11/09/2010 15:57

Thanks for your replies. Have been keeping records for years. This girl has been in trouble in one way or another since she was 5yrs old!
Used to climb into people's houses through windows or just open doors and in one famous incident managed to get herself locked in a house as she had been stealing from their fridge.
SS know about the familly, but in a way I should feel sorry for her, but I don't.

OP posts:

TotorosOcarina · 11/09/2010 16:00

If you have been keeping records why aren't you reporting her?

I'm in a shit situation at the minute because a 'neighbour from hell' is about to move in next door to me.

But I can't do anything because even though strangers are knocking on my dorr warning me about how much of a nutter she is, and how dangerous her dog is, I cannot stop her because none of those people have ever bothered to repirt her to our local authority. So to them she is a nice resident.

But to her neigbours shes the screaming drunk whos dog has killed 3 cats in the avenue!

Spacehopper5 · 11/09/2010 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TotorosOcarina · 11/09/2010 16:07

Spacehopper are you for real?

Are you seriously suggesting she go and do the very thing she is complaining about

Isn't that just condoning her behaviour by repeating it?!

Just13moreyearstogo · 11/09/2010 16:11

The gang leader sounds like she was a neglected, possibly abused child who would have benefited from a lot more intervention earlier in her life. No doubt she suffered far worse than your daughter has done in her life. That's not to say that you need to feel sorry for her, it just puts things into perspective and shows that you and your family are far more fortunate than she and hers. You have the upper hand here - you do not have to bully and harrass in order to feel powerful. You have a legitimate course of action - logging it with the police and keeping a watchful eye. Reverse psychology might work too. As she expects everyone to hate her (with good reason), why don't you go out of your way to say a friendly hello to her when you see her and ask her how she's doing. She might be so surprised that she leaves your daughter alone.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 11/09/2010 16:13

Community police. I contacted them as the children bullying ds1 had started physically hurting him and the parents weren't interested.

They advised never to approach another child in circumstances like this (it would only take 2 children to back each other up and say you swore at them or were verbally abusive to them and you'd get charged) and not to approach the parents as this often leads to arguments and violence. Instead to call them.

(I'm not sure if community police are in scotland only or does everywhere have them?)

Claw3 · 11/09/2010 16:14

Ripeberry, i really sympathise.

My 16 year old ds, was picked on by the local gang. They waited outside school for him and followed him to the bus stop, calling him all sorts and telling him they knew where he lived. Going inches from my ds's face with the "come on then". He ignored them and got on the bus, they hammered on the windows and did wanker gestures to him. Police wouldnt do anything about it, because they hadnt hurt him and it would be his word against theirs!

Ds is very quiet and must have seemed like an easy target.

Following day the gang climbed over his school fence and found my in the playground, about 20 of them started to kick and punch him. He punched one of them back and knocked him out cold and the rest of the gang ran away.

Ds was arrested and charged with ABH.

You cant win.

Since the same gang have chased my 13 year old on his bike with baseball bats. Reported to the police again, same story.

I have moved.

RunawayWife · 11/09/2010 16:22

What would I do?
I can't tell you because I did do and I do not think anyone here would like what I did

ChippingIn · 11/09/2010 16:33

RW you might as well say now, you know you will in the end.

mollyroger · 11/09/2010 16:41

yes, please be careful. we had a smiliar gang round here. when one of them smashed up a resident's garden and he came out to shout at them, I overheard one say ''come any closer to me and i will tell my dad you tried to touch my tits''.
we contacted community police officers who told us to record any incidents and they patrolled area for a fortnight. It really did seem to work and things quietened down. Though i expect they just went and made some other streets' lives a misery

Original poster

Ripeberry · 11/09/2010 17:43

If they try anything then I will have it on tape as I've got a camera covering my front garden and driveway and it is motion activated so if anyone comes to the door it is recorded.

No-one has reported things but they will talk to each other about it as if anyone did they would end up having to move away.

We are deep in the countryside by the way, not on any kind of sink estate and I'm not moving for any of these low-lifes.

OP posts:

bytheMoonlight · 11/09/2010 17:54

I hate gangs like these.

We have a gang of boys who regulaly hang around outside the front of our house as the two teenage boys next door are part of their crowd. The parents next door don't give a damm what these teenagers get up to so no good going to them about the noise these kids create.

The only thing that worked for us was reporting them to the council for anti social behaviour, they are council tennents. The coun cil visited and since then things are quiter but not perfect.

If I were you I would be informing all the authorities avaliable to me. I found emails to my local counciller had a real effect at getting the council moving when they were being slow and ineffecitive,

I found the police useless tbh.

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