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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids' parties

35 replies

domesticsluttery · 11/09/2010 09:44

OK I probably am being U, but humour me I'm feeling grumpy.

AIBU to dread party invitations? Especially when the party is on a Sunday afternoon?

Call me old fashioned but I like my Sundays to go along the lines of church (kids in Sunday school), then roast dinner, then a nice walk or similar. I know its cheesy, but its the only time we get to relax together as a family.

But now there seem to be party after part between 2-4pm on a Sunday. Which means that we have to rush lunch, whichever child is going to the party doesn't want much lunch as they'll be eating party food at 3, and we miss our walk.

When I was a child you didn't call for friends to come out to play on a Sunday, let alone have parties.

Meh, I think I'm turning into Victor Meldrew!

OP posts:

tassisssss · 11/09/2010 09:55

They don't have to go!

There are parents like me who invite 18 and really really hope that only 14 can make it! (not because I don't love the kids but because the flippin party's in my house, when will I learn?!)

Your Sunday sounds perfect. Church is a BIG part of our Sunday but I've started doing the roast on a random week night as Sunday morning's just get too stressful here.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 11/09/2010 09:59

ah, its even worse here, theres a growing trend for parties on sunday mornings say 10- 12 or 11-1

this has not happened with any of my DCs BEST friends, or we would let them go, but sunday morning we all go to church and the children enjoy it

parties on any day that are not over a meal time annoy me though - 2-4, with sausages and chips at 3 - is that supposed to be lunch or tea?

our parties are always 12-2 or 3-5

Maria2007loveshersleep · 11/09/2010 10:04

YABU to dread the invitations. Just don't go to the parties (or some of them) if you don't want to.

Emo76 · 11/09/2010 10:06

I love party invitations - DD is six and it means I can drop her off for a couple of hours of peace and quiet. I don't think she needs me hanging around at her age and we don't do set things every weekend so it's not a problem. I think you are being slightly unreasonable though I can see the issue with meal timings!

borderslass · 11/09/2010 10:08

It was only ever DD1 that had party invites and usually about 1-3 we usually do a big dinner at night so it didn't really interfere with the other kids meal times.

castleonthehill · 11/09/2010 11:14

I check how close a friend the invite is from. And make a judgement. I think children need to know friend are important they can't leave in a Christian bubble. They need to have some non- Christian friends. I did my dd1 party after church the other year which meant she could include friends from school and church. We brought the church ones home with us and the school ones arrived about 30mins after. We played a few games while lunch was cooking then we all sat down for a roast dinner then we did some pottery painting. The children loved it, (and the parents)They had good food and did something fun. Our house isn't big so she had 8 friend we just fitted round the table.

Claw3 · 11/09/2010 11:31

Ds never gets invited to parties. He would be grateful for an invitation on any day/time of the week.

paisleyleaf · 11/09/2010 12:17

It's a party invitation, not a summons!

fishtankneedscleaning · 11/09/2010 12:41

I agree with other posters. You do not HAVE to go. Bet you would be complaining if all your kids friends were invited and they weren't?

When I give out party invites I do not expect everyone to turn up!

pagwatch · 11/09/2010 12:45

I agree with fishtank

I invited 24 to DDs party ( which was last sunday at 3.00pm)
I assumed I would get a load of refusals as it was a sunady, it was still the summer holidays and I only gave two weeks notice. But we had 21 girls !

It was great and DD had a brillinat time but I wouldn't have been upset if a few had declined... honest

stickylittlefingers · 11/09/2010 12:58

I think most people would realise any given weekend people might have other commitments and not give a monkey's about who could turn up or not.

I have the same problem with after school parties because both dp and I work full time. I feel guilty for the dc, but then, they know I work for a reason!

So long as they get to some parties, I think it's fine. I wouldn't like it if they missed lots of parties, as it is important for them developing friendships and knowing how to behave etc

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2010 13:07

Declining is fine for the parent, but what about the kid? Not sure how old OP's are, but mine would be DEVASTATED to get a invitation and then not go. He loves parties, regardless whether it is a close friend or not.

Saturday parties are the way to go!

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2010 13:08

...or a cake after school with some friends. Which is what ds1 is getting this year.

pagwatch · 11/09/2010 13:14

blimey Merry
DD gets 20 plus invites a year.
If I changed everything so that she wouldn't be DEVASTATED then that is nearly half the year.
I have other children. It can't all fit around her. Sometimes she just can't go.

HelensMelons · 11/09/2010 13:16

Like claw my ds2 rarely gets invited to parties so I would be happy with any day or time tbh.

fishtankneedscleaning · 11/09/2010 13:24

I don't mind my 9 year old going to as many parties as she gets invited to. At 9 she is old enough to be dropped off and picked up. I am all for a couple of hours peace!

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2010 13:25

Well my ds gets about 5 invites a year. And the other 2 are small enough to 'fit around'.

merrymouse · 11/09/2010 13:27

No, but I think you can assume that mass party invites don't go on forever. Just think of it as a phase.

I think Sunday invitations are because so many children now do activities on Saturdays.

minimathsmouse · 11/09/2010 13:28

I wish my DC would get sunday party invites. My DH works every Sunday so its a very boring day for us. Saturday is our Sunday and infuriating to me is the fact that the boys are always invited to Saturday parties.

pagwatch · 11/09/2010 13:28

fair enough

So, I think most parents saying they would decline if invite was at inconvenient time are probably dealing with children whose ages and friendship groups mean they get lots and lots of invites.
Which is different, isn't it?

DS2 gets two at most. So we make sure he gets to those.
( and if it clashes with an invite for DD -well then that is one of the ones she misses..)

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2010 13:40

wasn't having a go at those that decline, just those saying the OP should. As she did not state how old kids are, or how many parties they get invited to. If you have 3 party age kids, even 5 parties each a year would feel like a lot to you, but probably not the kids!

Original poster

domesticsluttery · 11/09/2010 18:16

My DC are 4, 6 and nearly 8.

The trend still seems to be for inviting your whole class, or at least all of the children of the same gender in the class.

DD is in a class of 16, DS2 in a class of about 28 and DS1 is in a class of about 25. So that is a lot of parties.

I would normally leave the older two at parties, but recently they have all been swimming parties (another great trend!) which means that you can't leave them and you usually are expected to go in the pool with them too.

If you decline parties without a "good enough" reason it tends to be talked about amongst the school gate mafia. Also it is difficult for DS2 as his best friend moved over the summer so I feel it is important for him to try to mix with the other kids. I do try to vet how close friends they are with the birthday child, if they have just been invited to make up the numbers as it were I don't feel so bad about saying no.

Roll on the end of mass parties. My three have only ever wanted very small parties, say 3 or 4 kids for tea or to the cinema, which seems far simpler.

As I say, I am being a bit Victor Meldrew. But I am just feeling grumpy about it!

OP posts:

dilemma456 · 11/09/2010 21:00

DD has been invited to TWO tomorrow. One 10.30-12.30 and one 1.30-3.30. They are both close friendship group so we'll be spending tomorrow at parties.

She went to one today as well and has one next Saturday

FattyArbuckel · 11/09/2010 21:10

Depends how many Sunday invitations you get! If it's one a week yanbu but if it's one a month then yabu imo

moajab · 11/09/2010 23:16

I often do Sunday parties, as it gives me the Saturday to do all the baking and shopping. Also DH is often busy on a Saturday and so Sunday is more convenient for him. There's no way of picking a day which pleases all guests so we just have to do what is most convenient for us and hope that enough children come. I've not had any problems so far.

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