Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to NOT consider this to be a housesitting arrangement?!?

15 replies

getabloodygrip · 10/09/2010 14:09

For 3 weeks out of the last 5, we have had some people staying at our house. We have not been at the house for all except a night in the time they have stayed. When we go away, we do not normally get house sitters, we just lock up and go away. A neighbour helps out with a bit of watering usually (for which I am very grateful, give bottle of wine etc).

This time, because the people in question had nowhere to live (new house not yet ready, had to sell old house nearly 3 months ago), we came to an arrangement whereby, whilst we were away, they could live at our house. In my mind, this is not house sitting, this is us offering them somewhere to stay rather than having to beg and borrow a friend's spare futon or whatever. No money changed hands and I absolutely would not expect any at all.

ANYWAY, they have now made a big thing to everyone about how "oh we are house sitting for GABG and her family whilst they are away". Like THEY are the ones doing US a massive favour. She even said "ooo, have left you a bottle of wine (great) in the fridge". The bottle was in fact, empty.

AND, whilst I am on a rant, a very small request we made to them was to please just water the (small) greenhouse every couple of days. This was not done, hardly at all as everything is bone dry and not growing at all. The place was quite tidy when we got back, but hadn't been hoovered or whatever, not exactly difficult in return for 3 weeks of somewhere to stay FOR FREE. We are very close the people concerned and they have been very forthcoming in telling us how grateful they are etc, but their actions don't seem to match up to this.

AIBU to think that actually, the favour is either us doing them a really good turn or at the very most perhaps an evenly distributed arrangement???? I don't need a housesitter, I get no benefit other than not having to ask neighbour to water (though frankly, I wish I had done!), so I know which way I think it goes, but would also value opinions to see if I am just being a cow.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 10/09/2010 14:15

Just from what you've said, it's possible that they feel a bit crap about staying at yours and want to feel as though they're giving you something in return.

Saying it to other people would just back that up perhaps?

With the cleaning up and stuff, everybody has different standards about what's clean, they should have watered your greenhouse, but if they don't have one themselves it's easily forgotten.

I don't think you're being a cow, and they're not being cheeky, it's just a difficult situation where they're basically at your mercy so to speak and want to repay you in kind.

jmc112 · 10/09/2010 14:22

If someone said they were housesitting I wouldn't necessarily think they were doing the owners a favour - more the other way around as you said. e.g. a girl at work house sits for people quite often as she's not very happy where she's living. It helps both parties.

nomedoit · 10/09/2010 14:31

If I was staying at someone's house I would clean it top to bottom before they got back, whatever the arrangement. Why should you come back from holiday and have to clean up after them? I would also leave a decent prezzie. As for the watering, it's the least they could do. Three weeks for free FFS and that's all they had to do? YANBU in the least.

I think these people sound awful, tbh. Even if I stay one night at a friend's house, I would turn up with some flowers/bottle of wine and I would expect to do something to help, even if it was just washing-up, while I was there.

Some people have no manners...

zipzap · 10/09/2010 14:31

Could you turn it into a bit of a joke - along the lines of 'well it's a good job you're not planning on going into the house sitting business - dead plants and no hoovering they'd all be demanding their money back Grin' or 'I've never known you to be quite so literal before about leaving a bottle for us - will make a nice candle holder I guess but was the wine in it nice?'

But as they are good friends try to do it in a nice way!

And if you're in a conversation where they are making a big deal of house sitting to others, all you have to do is throw in a 'well we like to help out friends in their hour of need' sort of comment.

Not sure about juding them by their actions - yes, you would have thought that they would have done as you asked but what is their house like normally - are they good at watering plants and doing the housework (or do they have a cleaner?) or is it something they don't bother about for themselves and therefore didn't think about?

Casserole · 10/09/2010 15:01

I don't think housesitting implies that they are doing you a favour. I think it just implies that they are living in your house. So I think YABU there.

However, I do think they should have watered the greenhouse and done anything you asked, and I also think they should have done a thorough clean before you came back. So YANBU there.

getabloodygrip · 10/09/2010 15:44

I had assumed that since most people are paid to "housesit", I had assumed that to housesit for free meant thye were doing huge favour, in their eyes....

Anyway, an empty bottle of wine, a dry greenhouse and an unhoovered floor just pissed me off and I suspect I ABU a bit....

sorry. moving on now!

OP posts:
Casserole · 10/09/2010 15:51

Ah, see in my circles housesitting doesn't implay payment - just the sort of situation you've described, where someone needs a short term base cos of house sale or similar, and friends who are away let them stay at theirs. So perhaps they've just been used to saying it in that context. They should definitely get you something to say thanks though.

DinahRod · 10/09/2010 15:59

A colleague lent out her house gratis whilst visiting her parents in Cypress and on her return found they'd redecorated two of the bedrooms for her. She'd mentioned in passing she was going to do get around to doing it.

LittleMissHissyFit · 10/09/2010 19:00

it's easier for them to say they are housesitting, if they say our house isn't ready, they will get the 3rd degree...

Don't take it personally, I bet you are a bit miffed about the watering. Could you get one of those self watering thingies that stick in the pots?

Did you show them where the hoover was?

Lee32 · 10/09/2010 19:37

YA so NBU.

When are they leaving? And if they're still there, do you think there's a danger they'll refuse to go because they're "homeless"? Do they have any kids staying there too? Just make sure you know your exact legal situation before you do or say anything to them. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I'd drop in on my local CAB asap, just to know how the ground lies. The law can be a bit funny about homelessness sometimes, especially if minors are involved.

chubbly · 10/09/2010 19:38

Try and ignore the house sitting thing... they are probably embarrassed about having to stay at yours, maybe they think people will think they are in finacial trouble? So they can brush it off with 'house sitting' - it sounds like something they chose to do rather than had to.

But the cleaning really would pee me off! I had a similar experience, my BIL was getting married and I lent them my car to pick up their friends from the station. SO no petrol money (I had a full tank - I didn't mind but the offer would have been nice) and I get the car back with tissues, bottles and FOOD all over the inside!

They should have hoovered and watered... especially as they claimed to be house sitters!

EricNorthmansmistress · 10/09/2010 19:45

YANBU
we're temporarily homeless (between homes!) and have stayed in one friend's flat for a week and are now in another friend's. The first friend has a cat so we were helping them out but the favour still goes completely in our direction! They let us live in their house! I have cleaned and tidied, put everything back where I found it, watered their plants religiously and left wine, cider, a card and a plant. Least we could do.

PoppysMummy2021 · 28/05/2021 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Babbly · 28/05/2021 13:46

Housesitting doesn't have the same connotations as babysitting - I don't think it sounds like they're doing you a favour at all. In my experience, most people who housesit for friends/family do it for free and often because they prefer to be at their house (whether they need to be or just because it's a nicer house etc). It is annoying that they didn't water the plants though.

MrsDoctorDear · 28/05/2021 17:28

@PoppysMummy2021 you need to stop with the zombie threads.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread