to think that education is more important than primary school friends?

[theredhen]

I have a friend who has 2 daughters. Her eldest has attended the local comprehensive and left with only 1 GCSE. The school is in a nice area but is back on special measures for the second time in recent years.

Friends second daughter has just started year 7 there. Friend has never read an ofsted report or read the GCSE results for the school.

My son goes to a school a few miles away which gets really good results. He is in year 8 and is mainly in top sets and I am really happy with the school and it's policies etc. DS is a quiet boy in school and doesn't have loads of friends - just a select few (mostly from primary school who have gone to same school) and is generally happy enough. He was like that at primary school too.

I am so used to listening to my friend telling me that such and such didn't send their kid to the local school and how that kid hasn't made any friends (they've only been there a week) and how she doesn't understand why people don't send their kids to the local school where all their friends are going. (most kids didn't go to the local school this year anyway!). How people think they're better than everyone else by sending their child elsewhere.

Whilst I agree that it's nice to send your child to a school where their primary friends are, it really isn't the be all and end all and isn't getting a good education something to be considered quite seriously too? I would have loved to have sent my son to the local school but I wanted him to have the best chance of an education. Am I being unreasonable?

No. But it isn't just about friends at school - it's about friends out of school as well. And whether they are local to you. And it's also probably a defence mechanism against people (not you of course) saying that the more distant school is better than the local one and that's why they send their children there.

Hmm, as a person who hated school as my mother made me attend one where NONE of my friends attended, I have to say YABU.

I disliked school and struggled, lost interest and didn't do as well as I could.

My DD starts comp next year, where she choose - which is with her friends, she is bright and I feel that if a child is happy and well balanced and loves learning they can achieve top results.

The school she is going to attend isn't the best in the area, but still has pupils attaining all A's - just not as many as other schools.

JMO !

Of course you're not being unreasonable. It sounds as if your son is happy and thriving where he is.

But, I think YABU a bit in your judgemental attitude towards this other mother.

My parents sent me to an out of town school, I was the only one from my primary school to go there and I have to say I hated them for it, cried everyday of the school holidays (before starting) but once there soon made a few friends (I think it is hard for kids not to make at least a few friends think quality not quantity) and looking back as an adult they did the best thing for me.

It was the best school in the area not just in terms of grades but the atmosphere and the teachers. I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't gone there. I think with these things you have to think long term, if you believe this is the best school for him then you have to go with that. Even tho all my friends from school lived in different villages that didn't mean I didn;t see them just learnt all the bus routes quicker than I would have done otherwise.

How old are they when they leave Primary School over there? 12? 13?

12 year old children dont make decisions about what is appropriate education in our house - adults do. Good grief, I can barely even remember being 12.

I have twins who started Year 7 this year, one was dead against the school we enrolled them in and desperately wanted to go where her friends were going - two terms in she has made lots of new friends and is flourishing socially and academically.

At my DCs school, the cohort always spread when the time comes. Very rarely do friends go together to secondary school. Parents do what's right for them as individuals.

DD has just started at secondary school and she went all on her lonesome. Did she care? Not a jot. Her phone is already brimming wiht new contacts and I spent last night hearing all about Rosie and Georgina.

Kids need to learn as early as possible that doing sometging because others are doing it, is never a good enough reason.
Schools, club choices, subjetc choices, whether to stay on, whether to go to uni, where to go to uni, what to take...
These are all things are chidren should decide for themselves.

OP, you say "I am so used to listening to my friend telling me ... How people think they're better than everyone else by sending their child elsewhere."

Do you feel that she is having a bit of a go at you personally?

I think that maybe YABU - if you are a real bright spark and likely to end up in a techy profession then paper qualifications do matter but even then you can always get them later (my friend whom I met when we were doin gour PhDs was in the "retards group" (his description) at school). Often what matters both with being happy and getting on, is who you know. Also the whole after school clubs etc. Children can meet new friends but if the paretns aren't going to be availble to drive them around then havin glocal, easy to get to, friends is probably more important.

When were you last asked about your GCSE results?

I would never pick a school just on its gcse results ..theres a lot to be said for sending children to a local school imo

theredhen have you perhaps been going on about your sons fabulous school a bit too much?

I'm going to buck the trend.

Your friend is a bloody idiot and in a few years time you will reap the rewards of going the extra mile for your son.

Good for you!