To be annoyed with DH about his stupid computer?

[suzym1984]

Hi Everyone!

This is my first post on AIBU so please be gentle! Basically I am 20weeks preg and FED UP with my DH (who is lovely most of the time!) I dont know if I am just hormonal or if others would also be annoyed

Basically, DH has a Playstation 3 which he plays on EVERY night, for at least 3 hours. So tonight, he got in at 6pm, had tea with me, washed the dishes and then disappeared upstairs at about 6.45pm to play on his computer where he will stay until about 9.30-10.00pm (when I have gone to bed).

I leave the house for work before he gets up on the morning, so this means that every day we speak to each other for max 45 mins! AIBU to feel a bit feb up and unloved?

Thanks for reading

YANBU

There is a similar thread to yours going at the moment. Please don't think you are alone, alot of MNetters feel the same.

Once upon a time I half read 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' In the book it said after a hard days work men need time to go into their cave to chill. It stated something similar to women should be understanding of mens needs!!!

I did say I only half read the book, cos it started to sound like Bollocks to me.

I read the book quite a few years ago, so please don;t berate me for false statements.

Hi

Thanks for the reply! I am just so fed up at the minute. I DO understand the need to chill out at the end of the day, but I feel like it is ruining our relationship (sorry of that sounds dramatic!).

I might give that book a read- although it may make me feel even more angry!

YANBU unacceptable. good luck changing things though!

Should I hide the controls?

suzym1984. Go and read the other thread. I don't blame you for feeling fed up, I do as well, so it isn't the pregnant hormones.

The other thread is 'Or is DH? Tweeting/facebooking when talking to your partner'

Genuine suggestion here, don't take it the wrong way.. Perhaps you could find a game you could play together? Even if you don't like it much and/or are completely rubbish, at least you'd be doing something together. He might appreciate the effort :)

If you do take Skyrg's advice & play with him, Little Big Planet and all the Lego PS3 games are really good as 2 player games. You could suggest you do this one night & he does something you want to do the next.

And YANBU.

Simple: don't have computer games in the house, either as consoles or on general purpose machines. They're all aesthetically hideous, morally vacuous and socially obnoxious. Try talking to each other instead, or reading a book. Child who spend all their time on them are only able to do so because their parents buy the bloody things, so why not start as you should go on and get rid of it?

Thanks for the replies everyone! #

jumpforjoy I will go and read that thread now, thanks.

I guess we could find a 2 player game, but ideally I would like the computer to be an occassional thing- not every bloody night

I guess it will all have to change in February when the little one arrives. I might have a go at hiding the controls tonight, just to show him I mean business.

Suzy, have you sat down with him and discussed what will happen when the baby arrives? Please don't just assume he'll change; some don't. You need to have a plan out in the open, with agreed-upon rules (task division, ways to spend time together, etc).

Must be us.I'm due same time as you and although dh is very helpful as soon as he can hes on pc watching old wrestling games or looking at football stuff. does my head in but I do like the tv which is my equivalent I guess. can you not plan stuff couple of times a week like dinner out pics or watch dvd together. drag him away!

Do not read men are from mars women are from Venus it's shite and totally biased towered men.

Your Hubby is going to get such a shock when your baby arrives. He'll have to kiss much of his chill out time goodbye pretty quickly!

My wife and I talked about this last night after she'd spent the day with a couple of friends who complained that their DHs do something similar (although not for the whole evening).

Most guys need a bit of time to de-stress from the day. I'm fortunate in commuting by train so I have that "feet up and relax" time before I get home but most guys do it at home. However, spending the whole evening doing it is not appropriate behaviour for a husband and even less for a father. You need to find a compromise with him that allows him time to de-stress but also gives you what you need.

Can I suggest instead of telling him what you want him to do you tell him how what he's doing makes you feel and let him come up with the solution. Do it asap because you're going to resent him if he's still doing it when you've spent all day with a newborn.

Sound advice MisterW!

To be honest I hate hate hate hate computer games so YANBU (definitely not).

I had this problem with a previous partner, it was utterly annoying & part of why we broke up (good riddance: although we had a whole host of other problems too, so of course I'm not suggesting you break up over this).

I agree with tokyoanbu: if you can- which you probably can't as your DH will object- get rid of the damn thing. If not, make an agreement on evenings when he can play & evenings that the 2 of you spend together. It's important that the 2 of you have some time together! I don't buy the whole 'going to the cave to chill' argument, we don't live in caves FFS and internet-games can be highly addictive. So I would suggest you have an open chat with him & find a solution, if you can, asap.

Bring the PS3 downstairs? He can't play if there's something you want to watch on TV, but when he does play (and you read/MN/whatever) you're still in the same room, and can still talk.

I don't like consoles/PCs in bedrooms - it turns them into something anti-social.

3 hours every night seems very unfair to you though.

I don't understand the people saying get rid of it. Why? He enjoys it. How would she feel if he threw out the computer?

I (female btw) have 4 games consoles. My boyfriend is doing an MA course so it's a good thing for me to do while he's studying, plus we've found some good two player games to play together.

Serenity makes some very good points, if it's upstairs it's anti-social, if it's downstairs at least you're together.

If you're going to ask him to stop playing so much (which ofc you have every right to) then you'll need an appealing alternative, can you rent a film or something? You can rent films from iTunes.

Although I don't think the right thing to do would be to get rid of it and make him go cold turkey, is this going to continue when your baby arrives? Is he still going to feel its his right to go hibernate on his own in a room and ignore you (which is what he's doing) when you have a newborn baby to deal with? I think this is a serious problem. Basically you aren't a couple in the evenings, you are more like co-habitating tenants.

Thanks everyone for your opinions!

mini that is exactly how I feel, like we are tenants of the same house!

Thanks for the suggestions about bringning it downstairs, as then it will be easier to monitor.

I have spoken to him, told him makes me feel lonely in the house at night etc, but he just thinks I am being hormonal!

It will have to stop when the baby arrives, as his 'computer room' will become the nursery!