Am I over-reacting?

[Mammie81]

Had a lot of sickness during this pregnancy. 7 months now and getting worse. Im trying not to let it affect my life too much as its not all the time.

I go into work if Ive been sick in the morning or out of work hours, but if I actually vomit in the office or feel like I might (Im a PA and sometimes have to take minutes in meetings, dont want to be sick then!!!) I get as much as I can done, then go home after lunch.

This has only happened, say, 3 times in the whole pregnancy.

Today, I felt ill again and ran to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. A woman from the management team was in there and was trying to comfort me. I said Im sorry, Im trying to not let it affect my work but sometimes I just have to go home. I feel quite gutted and weak that its still affecting me actually.

She said, well, it comes in waves doesnt it? So you dont have to go home all the time? And you are only pregnant.

I left at 3pm yesterday. Thats hardly taking the piss, is it? Was she being rude to me or am I oversensitive?

I was nauseaous throughout both my pregnancies and didn't miss a day! Honestly think you just have to get on with it. (I did actually vomit quite frequently) I would hasten to add that I don't mean the really bad 'can't keep anything down' vomiting that some women get. That is completely debilitating and I wasn't that bad. But I did feel ill for 9 months.First pregnancy I was a rep and out on the road visiting clients so quite easy to manage. Had to stop and chuck out of car door a couple of times! 2nd time round was in office all day so easier to cope. Just kept eating carby snacks and worked right up to 38 weeks. A young girl in our office went home every time she puked and it didn't go down well. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but real life I suppose. Hope you feel better soon and keep eating - little and often!

I think its depends how she said it. But no, YANBU to go home at 3pm when youve presumably felt ropey all day.

And it doesnt matter how many times you've done it in the past. Some people suffer sickness more than others.

I feel like she was implying I was shirking. Im honestly not, I only go home when Ive been sick and Ive had cack on my top, mascara down my face where Ive been crying, make up sweated off etc.

Nausea I dont go home for, Im not that bad. Its only been 3 times in 7 months and I stayed after vomiting yesterday to give a presentation at a meeting (despite looking like shit)

I feel like she just dismissed everything with, you are only pregnant.

Every pregnancy is different. I vomited at work a few times in the early part of my pregnancy but I didn't feel I had to miss a day. I just carried on. That is probably what that woman in your office was thinking, perhaps comparing you to her experience of pregnancy or to one of her friends. It doesn't mean that you are having an easy time of it or skiving. Some pregnancies are rotten and you feel like shit throughout. If you can soldier on at work then do so, if you really can't then go home and don't feel bad about it.

She hasnt had children. But she said her friends have had sickness all the way through. And I think as she is part of the managment team, my paranoia has made me think 'do they all feel that way'

I know pregnancy isnt an illness and that it could be far far worse. It doesnt get me everytime, like I said its only been 3 times.
Maybe thats what she meant - that it could be far far worse?

I think she probably does not understand the extent of your sickness, and did not mean to be rude but did not know what to say and came across rude? Maybe she has just heard how some other people's are like feel a bit nauseas but able to get on with things, but still sick @ 7 months is pretty bad! I dont think yabu @ all going home sometimes, and only 3 times is not a lot!

I greatly sympathise. I am suffering from hyperemesis yet again. I get it in every pregnancy, all the way through right up until delivery. And if one more person who has 'normal' morning sickness tells me to just get on with it because everybody feels like this when they're pregnant...(at 22 weeks? throwing up 10 times a day despite strong anti-sickness medication? I think not)...I may be forced to actually puke over them! That might make the old bag you work with stand to attention and understand your point of view a bit better!!

It is unfair for her to comment like this. She's not your doctor and has no idea how bad you may or may not be feeling.

If it were someone on my team, I might raise the matter with them in private to see how they are, what work they feel able to manage and whether I could offer any support. And I wouldn't discuss it with anyone else!

If you continue to feel worse, consider getting signed off - it will go on your sickness record, but they shouldn't penalise you for pregnancy related sickness. It is utterly miserable having to work with constant nausea. I managed it with ds, so it can be done, but with dd it turned into "mild" hyperemesis and I had to have several weeks off work.

I was crying when I spoke to her, as I just felt so rubbish and like I was a failure for it continuing. I was so naive, thinking it all ended for everyone at 14 weeks like they say. And I actually felt proud Id only had 3 days off!

I think Im just disappointed its still here, and that she must think I just dont want to work. Sometimes the nausea doesnt actually go after Ive been sick either - is that fairly normal?

I think you are being over sensitive but who isn't, in pregnancy? I don't think she was having a go at you at all, she was probably trying to cheer you up

Yes sadly it is normal to still have the nausea after being sick Mammie. And I don't think you are being over-sensitive - it would be one thing for a colleague or friend to say this to you but a member of the management team should have known that it was likely to make you worried and paranoid so she should have been more careful.

Oh you poor thing, fuck this ludicrous insensitive woman, you only have to spend a few more weeks in her company before maternity leave.

You could try addressing it with her but prob not worth it if you'll be out in a few weeks anyway.

I'm 7 months too and feel like shit all the time (sorry for language your tale has pushed my buttons!) Had hyperemesis early on with both pregnancies and had to have 3 weeks off, time in hospital etc. Nausea has gone now but I still puke most days. It's grim. Yes pregnancy is an illness if you ask me!!

If you are feeling nauseous a lot of the time you might well be dehydrated - worth getting checked out. You could always get a sick note and just get the hell out of there! (having said that, your ML would have to start cos you've got less than 15 weeks to due date).

So sorry you are having a rough time. You have every right to be "over sensitive" if that's what you are being (which I don't think you are!)

I feel so sorry for you. Feeling sick for 7 months sounds just awful. I agree, 3 dys off is not a lot at all, sounds to me like you've done really well.

Thanks for those that agree Im NBU. And Im so sorry you all felt sick for the most part of your pregnancies too.

My sickness is no where near debilitating. So I am grateful for that! But it seems none of the women at work have had it like this. Theirs has all stopped when the books say it should! Ive only put on 2lbs in total as well

Just because pregnancy isn't an illness doesn't mean that it can't make you feel very ill...

If she (or anyone else) says this to you again, turn it around and say that you know it's pregnancy, it would be so much easier if it were only a sickness bug where you knew it would be over in a few days and once you were sick you usually got rid of the horrible nausea feeling for a little while. Everybody else's baby seems to have read the book and stopped making them feel sick after 3 months whereas yours hasn't and you are fed up of feeling constantly sick sick sick for so many months and knowing there is so little you can do and knowing that everybody else out there is judging you because they assume that morning sickness is just feeling a bit icky in the mornings, they don't understand it is there all day and all night...

and just continue ranting explaining how much easier it would be just to be sick with a bug and exactly how miserable your morning sickness is and how unhappy it is making you feel when it comes to letting colleagues down and having to go home early etc etc etc

you get the point and I am sure once you start it will all come out (the rant explnation I mean) easily and hopefully make them realise exactly what you are going through!

sorry, meant to add, hope you are feeling better soon... it's miserable feeling sick for so long

I was sick constantly until about 7 mths and by 3 mths had to quit work entirely as couldn't do anything as so weak all the time. Boss was lovely thankfully but then I had saved her workplace from burning down a few months previous when i was only a few weeks pregnant so she prob felt like she owed me.

Good luck with finding more understanding colleagues