Update re wedding abroad have decided we

[costacoffee]

are not going to run into off into the sunset and say I do now,as some of our family would not be able to come due to finances,which we understand.

This is the dilema, I really want to marry my dp and have waited along time for this,I would like to have the same surname as my dp and dc's which is normal.

We have both agreed a civil ceremony I personally would like a small wedding breakfast for a small amount of people only,and have found somewhere that holds cc and wedding breakfast plus it only holds a min number.

My dp has a large extended family we can not afford to pay for everyone and plus I dont have any other family, my friends are my extended family hence the personal,intimate wedding.

Im worried we will hurt peoples feelings if they just get invited to the evening only aibu?.

Also because of the venue chosen we would have to find somewhere else for the evening,a hall was suggested by mil which im not keen on,but it is the only way we can cater for everyone,I feel like chucking the towel in any advice?.

Yanbu. Your plans sound lovely.

There is no reason I can see why anybody should be offended.

Why don't you do something nice for every one?

What about a pseudo rehearsal dinner on the day before the wedding with the small amount of people, and a light buffet for everyone after the wedding?

Concentrate in making it fun, and perhaps at a time when a light buffet is ok, then it shouldn't be too expensive but still would be special.

Thanks for all your advice.
I guess im worring about others to much and not us.

It's nice to consider other people's feelings around your wedding, rather than just your own.

A lot of people who love you will want to be part of your day and it's a good impulse to want to include them.

Stewie's right though about people taking offence when none is intended - you can't make plans around those people.

All you can do is think of the nicest plan you can, that will be something you and your DP will enjoy, that will be suitable for all the people you want to invite, and that you can afford.

The last bit is very important. Don't bankrupt yourselves trying to live up to other people's expectations.

When I got married we first made a rough list of who we wanted to invite so we had an idea of how big the wedding was going to be. Then we worked out what was feasible and affordable with the number of people.

In the end we had a wedding that was very different from the kind of wedding I initially thought we'd have, but when we added up the numbers the kind of intimate gathering I had imagined wasn't possible. But someone else might prioritise keeping it small over a come all ye, so it just depends on what is really important to you both.

If you prioritise the getting married part, and the being a nice host part, your wedding will be lovely. And not even that stressful.

IME people are really lovely and understanding around wedding stuff (many of them having been there). They're not all out there judging and wanting to be cross with you. They just want to wish you well and have a drink with you.

And almost everyone in the world knows that you just don't get invited to every wedding you might like to attend. Honestly, people won't hold it against you.