To expect kids to sort out their own disagreements.

[PrettyFeckinVacant]

Right, never ventured into this room before but I have a problem and need some perspective.

DD (9) was given a small broach by friend A in return for some stickers. Friend B saw the broach and said she would like it, so DD agreed to swap it for some other stickers.

BUT, DD now really wants the broach back and there have been so many tears over this it is unbelievable.

To make matters worse, friend B lost the broach and my DD found it (well, that is her story) and so it is now in the possession of my DD again (which I didn't know till this morning).

So, this morning mum of friend B approached me and said we needed to sort this out and her DD wanted the broach back because it is hers. I asked my DD and she said she has offered friend B some stickers but she wants the Broach - Aaaarrrggghh!!

Then Dad of friend B also accosted me at home time and started going on about the bloody broach and I said I would speak to DD.

So, if you have got that far, is my DD being unreasonable in wanting to keep the broach (I have a feeling I know the answer to that one) but why cant they be left to sort this out on their own

BTW this isn't an expensive broach.

Rats - just typed out a big response and it disappeared!!!!

Basically I said a deal is a deal and your DD should give it back. I would make mine do that in the same position. Maybe she can do jobs to earn money to buy herself a new one?

Yes your DD is BU (and it sounds like you know it...)

Whether they can be left to sort it out on their own? Well yes, they could be, but there are two potential problems with that.

First, your DD could lose a friend in the process if she doesn't handle it well (which without a little guidance from you she might not).

Second, and more importantly, your DD might learn that she can behave badly and you're not going to intervene.

I think a middle way might be to tell her what you think is right, but leave the decision up to her. That way you're giving her the responsibility to handle it herself, but guiding her IYSWIM?

Yes, children should be left to sort out their disagreements but with guidance from family if necessary.

I always say if you give something away, you can't get it back again. Tough. Lesson learned. Never give anything away if there's a tiny chance you might want it.

Some children like giving things away just so they can make a big fuss when they decide they fancy it back again.

SO. YANBU

Oh I see. There's a twisdt to this story.

Your dd should give the brooch to friend B and Learn Her Lesson. The Hard Way.

Your DD swapped the broach in the first place so she should give it back,Children of this age still need guidnve to help them sort things out. So tell your DD what you think is the right thing to do and then leave it up to her, Explain that she might end up losing a friend if she doen't give it back and that it is not worth losing a friend over a brach,

I'd be tempted to tell DD to give the brooch back to friend A and tell her not to swap anything with her friends. No good ever comes of children of that age swapping.
The other parents sound like loons btw.

Thanks - that has helped me lots.

I really couldn't believe how much the other parents have fussed over this and they are the intelligent sort - she is an accountant and he a pilot.

I really knew that DD had to give this back but hoped that the kids could sort it themselves.

The other parents have, very nicely, asked DD to tea on Friday, but I feel that is putting pressure on DD to return the broach NOW!!

We shall return it in the morning and yes, MissAnneElk, I agree, I really dont like this phase of swapping items as generally the DC want them back again