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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell grandparents DS is too young for them to take to sports match

33 replies

hippohead · 08/09/2010 19:49

My parents are big fans of Rugby and quite often watch 'their' team on a Saturday. Its one of the top teams so this is not standing alongside the pitch stuff but big stands, serious fans, crowds etc.

We are very lucky that they love having DS (3y 6m). He enjoys spending time with them and stays over about once a fortnight. I think they find him a lot of fun and I'm so pleased that they have a close relationship with him.

They want to take him to the rugby. I don't feel comfortable with that. I can't quite put my finger on why- I think its something to do with the huge crowds, needing to sit still for a long time, big stands and the fact that, as yet, football and rugby don't hold his attention.

My Mum is really disappointed and has got quite stroppy about it. She really wanted to share this experience with him and feels he would be fine. She thinks I am being unreasonable.

I do feel bad about saying I'm not happy about it- I don't like putting constraints on their time with him but somehow it feels like a bad idea. I don't think I am generally an overprotective parent and love having adventures with DS so I'm out of my comfort zone feeling like I'm babying him.

The club do try to foster a family friendly atmostphere and in a few years I feel it would be fine for him to go.

Anyway, enough waffle- I would very much value your opinions......

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 08/09/2010 19:51

I think you would do well to let them try it with him. (I believe he will be bored senseless).

A one off trial will be fine and they will probably realise he is not quite ready for it but let them work that out for themselves. He won't come to any harm.

AgentZigzag · 08/09/2010 19:54

I think you know your son and whether he'd enjoy it or not, although you may be surprised and he might get on OK with it?

The problem that I see is that you've mentioned your concerns to your mum and she's got stroppy about it, rather than talking about why you have concerns and whether you could come to a compromise.

It's possible they could take him out to the foyer (if there is such a thing) if he gets fidgity, or if he doesn't like it leave altogether.

You seem to me to be pretty flexible and understanding that in the time they have with him they might do things you wouldn't.

I'd try to have another talk to her about it and ask her if you could talk further.

2madboys · 08/09/2010 19:55

Hi Hippo. We sometimes go to Rugby - also at a top team. I've been amazed by the friendly atmosphere, never felt threatened in any way and am completely happy to take my dss ( although a little older than yours). I think DS2 was 4 when he first went. At our club the players walk through a corridor between the changing rooms and the pitch. So do the away team. This is completely open to the public and I can't imagine this being possible at a premiership football match. Lots of children go down there after the match to get autographs as well. I'm sure your DS would be fine. Another thing which makes me think that the atmosphere is fine for children is that one of the companies who have table near my bosses table in the hospitality suite were ejected due to the bad behaviour of their staff, barred for the rest of the season, and I think they're not being allowed back this season. It would probably only be stressful for your parents if your ds could not sit still! As long as they're in a seated stand I'm sure if would be fine.

MrsGravy · 08/09/2010 19:56

YABU. The worse that would happen is that he'll be bored and restless and will ruin the match for your parents - as long as they are happy to take that chance (and you know they aren't going to get unjustly cross with him) then I don't see the problem. IIRC my DH took my nephew to a proper footie match at that age and he got bored, chatted all the way through it then fell asleep! Didn't make for a great viewing experience for the adults with him but they knew that was the risk and didn't mind.

I'd give it a whirl personally!

Meow75 · 08/09/2010 20:04

Sport on the telly is also VASTLY different to seeing it live. If your only real worry is his boredom, then I'd give it a go. After all, it's your parents that will have to deal with the sharp end of the lack of interest.

As for the safety concerns, now that there is much more seating in major stadia it makes the mass of people much more manageable, and greatly reduces the chances of a crush. I've been to football and rugby matches both before and after the good old days around the time of Hillsboro' etc., and as long as I could be fairly sure that a 3.6y.o. could be trusted not to leg it, then I'd be fine with it.

MmeLindt · 08/09/2010 20:12

I would let them take him.

He may well enjoy it, and if he gets bored then they can take him out.

If he doesn't then they will know that he is still too young.

suzikettles · 08/09/2010 20:12

I've had a similar dillema in that I'm also a big rugby fan and can't wait until ds is old enough for us all to go so I get to see the games again. It's complicated for us in that our team tends to play in the evenings so it would be too late a finish for ds at the moment.

Anyway, I wouldn't take ds (3yrs 9months) at the moment because I think he'd get bored before the end and I'd end up having to leave with him = waste of the better part of £20 [tight]. I have no doubts though that ds would be perfectly safe.

If I were you I'd let them take him. They'll probably have to leave early and they won't ask you again...

Original poster

hippohead · 08/09/2010 20:25

Thanks so much for all the responses. I think the majority of posters feel that he may well be bored, but will be perfectly safe.

I will give it some more thought and will make sure my parents are happy to accept that getting bored is not something he should be told off for.

Agent Zigzag- I think you have helped me realise part of the problem. Now I think about it, it is a shame that Mum got stroppy rather than talking it over with me. I will have another go at talking to her when she has clamed down.

I just wanted to clarify that I didn't mean to imply that the fans were anything other than very very friendly and civilised. Its just the thought of him getting lost or stuck amongst such huge crowds. I've only been twice in recent years but have lost DH every time!!

OP posts:

fluffles · 08/09/2010 20:28

rugby crowds are really very very civilised. my nephew came along to our local big team from about 3/4yrs. first season or so his dad had to take him on walks to the toilet or to get a drink a few times in the second half.. so he missed quite a bit. so long as they understand this it's fine.

but the next season he sat through it all and now he loves it.

it's a very family-friendly atmosphere.

princesspuds · 08/09/2010 20:34

I work for St John Ambulance and cover many rugby and football matches and I can honestly say the atmosphere at rugby is a lot more friendly than at the football.

The club I work at (Ospreys) have both team fans sitting around each other, something which you would never get at a footy match also some have special kids deals where the kids go in free or they have a funday where the kids can meet the players.

I actually went to a match laswt season and there were 2 mums there with lo's in baby slings (can't have been any older than 3 months old)

MmeLindt · 08/09/2010 20:40

If you are worried aboutnhim getting lost, then check out this this website

It is very unlikely that he will get lost but you will feel better about letting him go.

UniS · 08/09/2010 21:05

why not let them try it? If he's bored he'll let them know and they will have to deal with it.

My parents took 3 yr old DS ( and I ) to a football match last year. DS didn't sit still, he explored a bit with granny, sat on grannies knee and "chatted", ate everything they could give him, played with a toy car AND got granddad an autograph from favourite player at the end of teh match. DS was hoisted onto the pitch as he was too small to see over the barriers where the other lids were collecting autographs from players.

We havn;t done it again, but DS didn't dislike his day out , just didn't "get" the football bit. This is a child who will happily watch hockey matches ( DH and I play) cheering us on and standing right on the line having to dodge flying balls and sticks.

ChippingIn · 08/09/2010 21:09

Hippohead your parents are going to be looking after DS in a very different way than your DH looks after you (tag him anyway though).

I agree that you should let them take him. The only risk is that he'll get bored and spoil the game for him, but if you make sure they wont tell him off for this then there's no problem is there....

Well, not for you.... I suspect they wont be offering to do it again in a hurry

MrsJohnDeere · 08/09/2010 21:12

He'll be fine. My ds1 has been going to rugby matches with dh (Bedford) since he was about 2.5. The atmosphere is very relaxed and family friendly there, apparently (I've never been).

spiritmum · 08/09/2010 21:15

I woudl not let my ds (4) go to football yet, but would rugby. That said, I'm not sure what he'd get out of it and whoever was with him would either spend half the match at the toilets or changing soggy pants.

Could your parents stretch to seats in a box of some kind? IME at sports venues these are much more family-friendly, and you usually get food laid on, too.

backwardpossom · 08/09/2010 21:20

I think YABU - if your parents want to take him, let them. If he's bored and starts playing up, chances are they'll not take him again until he's older. If he enjoys it, let them make it a regular thing and you can put your feet up for a couple of hours at the weekend! :)

sparkle12mar08 · 08/09/2010 21:31

Well I'm sure you've heard the saying that football is a gentleman's game played by thugs, and rugby is a thug's game played by gentlemen. Goes for the supporters too! He'll be perfectly safe, but I suspect the gp's will see the futility of trying to take a 3yr old pretty quickly :)

Vallhala · 08/09/2010 21:37

They'll only take him once. He'll be so bored they won't try it again!

EleFunTess · 08/09/2010 21:40

YABU.

DH has been taking DS to football matches (England and our local team) since he was a toddler. Do they have family stands at Rugby? It's all perfectly civilised in the seated, family areas at footie. My DH always brings a 'bag of tricks' (snacks, games etc) in case DS's attention span wanes.

Give it a go.

bigbrotherslittlesister · 08/09/2010 21:43

I took my dd when she was 18months, she loved it! I took loads of snacks for her and she loved the singing.

DebiTheScot · 08/09/2010 21:51

We are big rugby fans. Rugby League but similar atmosphere to Union. The club we go to has crowds of about 3-4000. DS1 went for the 1st time when he was 12 months old and ds2 went to his first game at 6 days old!

We've never had any problems, when we 1st went we would take books for ds1 to read.

Could you ask you parents if they see other children there and if there's anywhere for the chldren to walk about. Our ds1 will sit through a whole game now (he's 4) and ds2 usually will (he's just 2) but if he gets bored we can walk about in the space at the bottom of the stand in front of the pitch.
Also at half time in the bit by the bar under the stand there's a bouncy castle and sometimes other inflatable things for the kids to play on.

What ground is it? I assume it's a Premiership ground is it? We've been to London Irish and their ground wasn't as good for childrens as where we go which is Harlequins.

Rebeccaruby · 08/09/2010 22:06

We go to rugby (big top team) and it is very family friendly. People take much smaller children. There is lots to look at apart from the rugby: people are singing; shouting support (generally good natured and there isn't even very much swearing at all); they will wave flags and wear silly hats; there are mascots in costume who wander around the ground making a special effort to wave at the children. He will get a kick out of the crowd as much as the match; it's not about being totally concentrated on the game. Oh, and whenever there is a try/ conversion/ somebody sent off, they play a snatch of a song.

It's all seated and there isn't too much of a scrum when people leave, no pun intended!
The shop will sell toys if they want to give him a half time treat, although they aren't the cheapest!

PinkElephant73 · 08/09/2010 22:18

why dont you go with them too? We have taken DCs to Saracens many times. Good afternoon out IME. No bad language, aggression etc like football.

Suggest you go soon though as gets v cold later in the season. Take plenty of snacks and sit near the end of a row so you can whisk DS out easily when he gets restless.

4plus1 · 08/09/2010 22:40

My son was at croke park in dublin, in a crowd of 70,000 when he was 5 months old. Its just what you're familiar with really. I would say that the atmosphere at a rugby game is very jovial, I would think twice about soccer matches.

ln1981 · 08/09/2010 22:53

let them take your dc-he might enjoy it!
We have taken all our kids to watch the football since they were a few days old, and they all enjoy it (now aged 6, 5 and 3).

we take a couple of comics and pens and paper for if they become a bit disinterested, although our youngest will fall asleep until something exciting happens!!

other plus point is you will get a well earned break!! always a good thing in my book!

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