To decide after 8 years to not be friendly to MIL?

[swampmonster]

Basically,same good old fashioned MIL story,it all began when I married her blue eyed boy,all was fine until the children came along.Prior to this she had actually been heard to say she liked me-this isn't the case now.She snubs me point blank in my face for my dh too blind to even notice that she doesn't actually speak to me the whole time she is in our house.I have been nothing but polite always but recently got told some bits has said about me and my family (including my children) which by all accounts aren't very nice things to hear.
I am fed up of being polite although i am lead to believe in the long term I would be the most 'adult' to just ignore her behaviour and not rise to it.I do simply smile & say Hi.(This is not how I feel)I think that I am slowly running out of smiles,I think I would like to endeavour to carry on still let her in the house have the children etc but just simply not make conversation with the woman,is this wrong?She doesn't care about what I do,say or what we have been doing so I just feel I shouldn't volunteer the information by having casual chit-chat.I may just leave the room & carry on politely with my chores.Is this good long-term for a result.I do think no amount of sitting down talking will ever change the lady-she is stuck in her ways....I don't actually want to be a friend to someone who can be so outwardly nasty.

If she were outwardly nasty to my dc, then she would not be welcome in my home again, I would also approach her an ask what her problem was, but I do tend to be rather confrontational

I think your DH needs a good kick up the backside and be made to take notice

I'd prime DH prior to her next visit and tell him to pay attention and note when his mother speaks to you. I'd then expect him to get it sorted.

When you say your DH is blind, is he really blind, and misses the body language side of your interaction (although nothing wrong with hearing) or is he just metaphorically blind. If the latter, he needs to make more of an effort, and tell her it's not good enough to snub you.

gosh sorry yes I meant metaphorically I meant blind to her behavoiur is a better way of putting it.Thank you

No problem, just I wasn't very sure, and if DH had been really blind, it might have meant he had enough to contend with.

Do you think that he doesn't really need me joining in so to speak,I thought I would look less immature or even less bothered if I didn't behave in the same childish way.People keep telling me its her loss although I am getting a bit fed up with her thinking that I will always take this treatment sitting down,I wasn't brought up that way.I don't want to upset DH with family issues whenI could simply ignore her.

You have a point there. What about making pointed conversation with her, so she has to reply? Nothing rude, just asking questions which need a reply. Otherwise, depending on the age(s) of your DCs, you could just play hostess, and say, "Oh, why don't you show granny your X, or tell Granny about Y?"

Or does she openly dislike the children? If so, then there's not much point in her coming round, is there?

no she actually adores children and works with them,I think that she just believes that she can have an input into the direction our lives are taking,she can't help but getting angry and to the point of tears and walking out if we don something she doesn't like.
we are a happy well grounded family,like being together both work hard for what we have and have the same long term goals we are so lucky to have what we have I think it is sometimes jealousy which makes me feel a bit sorry for her if anything,she had a different young family life to what we have.Although my upbringing wasn't all roses and that is what makes me nice to people and I am a giving person because of my experiences,she still seems bitter.I think in 20 years she may change her views only when she sees that I stand by what I believe in,shame it will take that long-sorry thats a bit deep!Pregnancy hormones!Thanks for your posts she is the only thing that taints my life though which is sad for all involved-I tried to sit her down before & even wrote a letter-that went very wrong ended up in full scale argument and dh swore at her the lot!.