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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH? Tweeting/facebooking when talking to your partner....

45 replies

flootshoot · 08/09/2010 16:51

DH and I have a big barney, partly because I'm pregnant, hormonal and a bit fed up. Sorry this is long, the hormones are still in full swing!

I was cross with him because I had to repeat myself for the umpteenth time - he was looking at me, making eye contact, but obviously not listening at all because he had his bleeding iphone out and was too busy thinking about what he'd just read on twitter to take in what I had to say. My view is that by facebooking or tweeting while talking to me he is effectively mentally tuning out and not interested in what I have to say, which is upsetting for me when it's sometimes the first time in the day I've spoken to another adult!

He likens it to me knitting, and told me I'm being hypocritical. I can't see how it's the same thing at all - when I knit I'm using my hands but I'm still focussing on him, listening, talking etc. He says being on facebook etc. is the same, but it isn't is it? Surely you're not focussed on the person you're with if you've one eye on what everyone else is up to, posting on their walls etc. I just think it's bloody rude to do it while you're talking to someone else. He just can't see it at all.

So, AIBU, or is he?

OP posts:
shootfromthehip · 08/09/2010 16:52

He is BU- it's not like knitting at all. Hmmph on your behalf!

moragsoverhereplease · 08/09/2010 16:53

He is I find this so so rude! Really winds me up too.

2blessed2bstressed · 08/09/2010 16:53

Bah, YANBU, he is rude!

SimpleAsABC · 08/09/2010 16:54

Maybe if you put down your knitting needles he'll have to (in the name of fairness) refrain from social networking whilst speaking to you?

MmeLindt · 08/09/2010 16:56

Does he have to repeat himself when you knit?

I use FB and Twitter but cannot concentrate on writing or reading updates while listening to my family. It is rude and inattentive.

hollieg · 08/09/2010 16:56

YANBU. My DH does the same to me all the time...even getting the ipod out while i am talking to play a game. I would think it less rude if he told me to bugger off and leave him alone TBH.

flootshoot · 08/09/2010 16:58

Ah, you see simple, quite often I pick up my needles because he's arsing about on his phone. Which I don't mind at all - I don't expect us to focuss 100% on each other all evening, we'd go mad - it's when he's doing it while I'm trying to talk to him that drives me mad!

Gah. Is it obvious I'm pregnant?? Grin

OP posts:
flootshoot · 08/09/2010 17:00

MmeLindt - never! The only time he has to repeat himself to me is when he interrupts me during a phone call - I have an inherent inability to listen to someone on the phone and in real life at the same time. But if it was important I'd break off the phone call.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 08/09/2010 17:03

yabu if you won't put down the needles.

MrsLevinson · 08/09/2010 17:05

YANBU. My DH is just the same, often can't take his eyes off the tv when I'm talking and I find it bloody rude too.

AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 17:06

put the knitting needles up his nostrils, that'll make him listen

flootshoot · 08/09/2010 17:10

And get bogeys on my knitting AF?? Grin

OP posts:
Firawla · 08/09/2010 17:10

yanbu mine does this too i am always telling him, i find it v annoying, even when walking down the road iphone is always out!

AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 17:11

I never thought of that, floot Hmm

ok then, poke them in his bollocks

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 08/09/2010 18:56

my dp got an iphone yesterday, it had already been flung the full length of our estate car by moi.

i hate the farking thing!!!!!

he was meant to be preparing dinner earlier and i wander into the kitchen and hes on the fucking thing, i said 'oh wow it has a potatoe peeling app, i need one of those'

cue dp in a strop.

rodformyownback · 08/09/2010 19:00

I'm tuning out DH right now while reading this. Oh dear, AIBU?

MmeLindt · 08/09/2010 19:25

Lol at potato peeling app.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 08/09/2010 20:12

i dont think that the whole house burst out laughing, i thought it was ver funny!

hes now looking at having a new stereo put in the car to link it too, i want to stamp on it,

im an i-widow.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2010 20:48

Tell him that knitting is primarily a practiced physical movement and as such is controlled by the hindbrain and so does not interfere with conversation, which is controlled by the forebrain. A bit like being able to talk without having to stop walking.

MaMoTTaT · 08/09/2010 20:54

I frequently MN/FB/Play games while chatting to my BF - he doesn't mind....

CeeCee123 · 08/09/2010 21:04

If my DH is on his phone while I'm talking to him, I just say "Oh, I'll talk to you when you're done on your phone". Even if he tells me that he IS listening, I just wander off until he's done. It irritates the hell out of him but gets the message across!

onestepforward · 08/09/2010 22:10

YA so very NBU xh used to come home from work and instead of talking to me would be on his blackberry and tuning me out. This was whilst I was pregnant and whilst I was stuck at home with a young baby in a foreign country with few social interactions in the day. Used to drive me crazy. So rude. Hmmm seems I have quite a chip on my shoulder!

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 09/09/2010 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumbwitch · 09/09/2010 00:17

s'rude. Knitting (if you are a capable knitter) is not the same at all. It's like being able to drive and talk - if you are an unconfident driver you can't do it because you have to concentrate - if you are confident you can chat away no problem.

FB/twitter are engaging the same areas of the brain as paying attention in conversation so it's bloody rude of him because he can't possibly concentrate on your convo while carrying on another one at the same time.

Algebra18MinusPiEquals16 · 09/09/2010 00:22

YANBU, I believe it's called 'absent presence' or something like that - i.e. actually being there but your mind is engaged in technology-related socialising (or ipods etc)

ruuuude.

I don't turn the laptop on during family time because of this, I would just end up on MN Blush