Can I go back to work?

[stressedout29]

When I was pregnant my mother in law and father in law became terminaly ill. My mother in law passed before my son was born and my father in law almost a year later.

We have no other family to help and it was a hard time for us so i resigned from my job and looked afther my dh and ds for 3 years. We have recently moved house and settled him into a good nurseys and I'm considering going back to work but all the jobs i am qualified for are full time and i would have to work 6 months full time before i could get flexible or part time hours.

My DH works in the public sector and they are shortstaffed so it would be difficult for him to get time off - also with the upcoming public sector redundancies he wants to keep his head down and work hard.

I feel so guilty - i think it is for the right reasons and he will be starting school next year anyway but I am worried how he will cope. We have no other family to help and I don't want him to think his Mummy has abandoned him. His nursery know i'm thinking of accepting a job and seem to think he will be ok - he is happy and outgoing and loves the 15 hours a week he spends there now.

Any advice please?

Children cope just fine with having a mother who goes out to work. But you might want to have a think in advance about how you want to deal with childcare once he reaches school, either all the time or in the school holidays, as that is more complex than managing it when they can go to nursery to fit in with your working hours. eg you might want to look at what before/after school clubs they have, what summer playschemes are in your area, whether there are childminders who can provide holiday and wrap-around care. You might also be better getting him used to a new arrangement before the start of school, so it isn't too many changes all at one go.

I think your child will be fine if you go to work, you need to find out about the after school and breakfast clubs which are offered at his school.

Also you say that you would have to wait 6 months before you can ask for flexible working, the thing is you can ask for it straight away, I did and it was agreed by my manager.

Your husband works for the public sector, they have flexible working, so he may be able to di the school run in the morning or afternoon and you can maybe do the other, depending on when you both start or finish work.

HTH and good luck.

Insist that your husband ask for flexible hours so that he can do the nursery run in the morning or afternoon. The burden shouldn't be all yours to bear. He won't (can't) get fired for asking. INSIST.

YABU. I understand it's an emotional wrench, but working parents provide a great role model for children, proving it's possible to be a good parent and work.

Just a word of warning. You have the right to request part-ime working after six months, but the only onus is on the employer to consider it, not to grant it, so don't bank on a definite reduction in hours after six months, for any full time jobs you apply for.

What the worst that can happen?

Your DS does't settle and so you have to give up working again? You'd be no owrse off than you are now.

Or you don't get part time hours after 6 months? Same applies.

A job isn't for life, and if it doesn't work out, you put your family first and leave. Simple!

Thanks for all you comments and advice.

His primary school which he will start next september has a breakfast club and an after school club should I need it. We also have an holiday club in the village and live next door to a childminder.

I have worked for this employer before and they have home workers/part time/term time and flexible contracts so I don't want to pass it up. I can get the 6 months done while he can be in a day nursery 8-5.

I think I've just got bad mummy guilt - its such a big wrench for me and I am concerned how he will cope with such a big change.

x

I accepted the job today so fingers crossed - i hope i am doing the right thing.

It is a change, but one you will cope with. It sounds like staying at home was absolutely the right decision for you earlier on in his life, given all the other things, but things change and the idea of working flexibly in the future is great. I also second the person who said your husband can work flexibly in the public sector to do pick ups and go home early on Fridays or whatever. Organizing childcare isn't just your issue, and you need to let your husband know he'll be doing his share, even if in the past you've been able to do all of it.