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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need reminding of all the reasons I had a baby...positives! Feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

47 replies

Floois · 08/09/2010 13:05

My baby girl is 2 weeks old today and it's my second day on my own with her. I'm coping fine with looking after her, feeding etc. Would love to sleep more than 2 hours at a time but other then that, can't complain. I just can't help being overwhelmed with a feeling of "oh my god, what have we done?!"
I could really do with being reminded of the lovely positive things about having a baby/child so I can have something to look forward to instead of being petrified she is going to get colic or just start screaming all day and I'll never be able to leave the house or be on my own again!
Sorry, probably sounds a bit moany and I should be grateful for having a lovely, healthy baby....but feeling a bit down.Sad
Thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
Floois · 08/09/2010 14:22

Thankyou! This has helped me feel better. I am going to try and force myself to go to a breastfeeding group tomorrow.

OP posts:
NinjaChipmunk · 08/09/2010 14:29

getting out and about and having walks and fresh air did me the world of good. and yes join groups, go to the bf group, just to sit and be with other people going through the same thing.

my ds is nearly three and he told me the other day he wanted to marry me. i love him to bits. he also told grandma she had enormous boobies Grin which really made me snigger

sobloodystupid · 08/09/2010 14:32

Be kind to yourself Floois. go to the group tomorrow, build in a treat for yourself when you can (nice book, hair mask, pedicure what ever your budget can afford). Even though you're Bfing, your dp can do loads, bring you tea, calm down baby, rub feet, make sure you ask for help, people like to feel useful... Best of luck

DastardlyandSmugly · 08/09/2010 14:35

Yes agree getting out and about definitely helped my sanity. I tried to make sure we had something to do every day if possible.

LBsmum · 08/09/2010 14:49

With ds it felt like I had been hit with a huge wave of responsibility, overwhelming really, life as I new it was gone, with no going back! As he grew I more confident handling him and getting out and about became easier and more enjoyable.

Take help when it's offered, I thought I could do it all but quickly learnt I couldn't

don't lose your sense of humour, it took my mum to point out the funny side of random things u end up doing to get thru your days

sleep deprivation is the biggest bummer ever, all rational thoughts dissapate and replaced with your own skewed version of events, am sleep deprived too with dd 8months, so feel your pain

I would second all the responses re milestones , the more responisive your baby gets the more rewarding it can feel,

MorrisZapp · 08/09/2010 14:58

I don't have my LO yet so I can't give experienced advice, but if you can get past the nauseating title I really recommend The Yummy Mummy Survival Guide by Liz Fraser.

It's not really about 'yummy mummies' (barf) at all, it's a really honest and frank account of pregnancy and motherhood by a mum of 3 kids who also dares to think of herself as having needs and rights too.

I'm reading it just now and finding it really heartening, also it's genuinely witty. Just thought I'd chuck that in.

piprabbit · 08/09/2010 15:06

Babies will push their carers as far as they can, in order to ensue their survival needs are met. But they also seem to be hard-wired with the ability to pull you back from the brink.
Just when you feel that you are at breaking point and cannot see a way to continue, they give you a smile; stroke your hair; pat your face; skip with joy; give you a hug or tell you they love you (older DCs obviously Grin). And you feel overwhelmed with love and like you can forgive them anything.

The tough bits are truly hard, but the good bits are wonderful.

missldi · 08/09/2010 15:39

Dear Floois,
My DD is now 14 weeks old.I spent the first 6 weeks crying/petrified/sleep deprived/lived in a manky dressing gown/resentful that my hubby got to "escape" to work leaving me alone with the baby...and yet now I can't imagine my life without her.People tell you it gets better-and compared to the beginning, it does.Hang on in there-sending you good wishes.

happygilmore · 08/09/2010 16:53

I posted this thread the other day that might help :)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1032828-Newborn-parenting-do-most-people-find-it-tough-or-is

BettyButterknife · 08/09/2010 17:57

Poor you - I felt exactly the same with my first baby. (In fact I wanted to throw him out of the window. I can say that now but at the time it broke my heart). And now here I am with 6 week old DS2 :)

The worst thing for me was feeling like I would never cook a meal again, never go out and be normal again, as I was chained to the sofa, in pain, breastfeeding what felt like the hungriest baby in the world. I would second the suggestion to go out to classes etc - that kept me sane, and the bonds I've made with the friends I made then are so strong now, 3 years on. And if you can, try to do one thing a day that makes you 'you'. I remember my mum coming round one day when DS1 was tiny and commenting on how it didn't feel like our house anymore as we usually have music on all the time and it was deathly silent. (But don't overdo the activity - be kind to yourself.)

This is the post I wrote when DS1 was 8 days old. Some good advice there too - especially morningpaper's advice.

You'll be fine. Really, you will. And in 3 years time you'll be giving advice to someone here in exactly the same position you're in now :)

MrsC2010 · 08/09/2010 20:21

I'm with you OP! Well, I'm getting the hang of it now (DD is 4 wks today) but I do feel overwhelmed sometimes, worried I don't love her enough etc. But equally I know that my worst nigthmare is her being unhappy or anything happening to her...so I shouldn't really have any worries on that count I guess!

chaya5738 · 08/09/2010 20:24

My daughter is now 14 months and it wasn't until she was about a year that I really started loving. Just today I was looking at her and thinking "I am absolutely nuts about you." She is absolutely amazing, delightful. And I feel like now we are becoming friends.

But I thought up until 4 months it sucked. Then from 4 months it got better - smiling, laughing etc. And now it is wonderful.

CheerfulYank · 08/09/2010 20:29

Everything jellybelly said on the first page. :) It applies to me too, I can't believe my baby is 3 and going to preschool and so big and funny and happy! :)

I remember exactly how you feel, and for me it was like chaya said above me-before 4 months, kind of difficult and overwhelming, but afterwards wonderful.

Babies are so cute and fun, hang in there! Your feelings are totally normal. :)

Raejj · 08/09/2010 20:29

I remember this. The scary moment when you realise you have a baby and whoooaaa you're the one in charge.

You might also have a touch of the baby blues.

Every day will get a little easier and by about week 12 when she gives huge smiles and rolls over your heart will melt:)

Keep posting here if you like and need moral support. I would also suggest you go out with friends, call up a friend and don't be scared to ask for help if you need it x

sungirltan · 08/09/2010 20:35

hi floois. i am on my own with dd all the time as dh works offshore. she is 11 months now and bum shuffling everywhere. he came home for few days last week. one the first day i went off for a driving lesson and left dd with her dad who hadnt looked after her on his own for 6 weeks. when i got back as soon as she heard me she speed shuffled down the corridor to me and put her ups up to be picked up, chanting 'muh muh muh!!'

the reward for all the hard work is that you always get to be number one with your dc.

hang in there too, it gets way easier after the first 3 months xxxx

missmoopy · 08/09/2010 20:41

There is no love greater or more overwhelming.

poppymouse · 08/09/2010 20:55

Having a baby is a bit like putting to sea for the first time ever, when you always dreamed of going to sea, and then as soon as you're out the harbour a storm blows up. You lash yourself to the helm and hold on for dear life, thinking to yourself - I wanted this so much, it was meant to be wonderful, now I'm at sea and I never dreamed how hard it could be. People tell you you're doing fine, great even and you think "the hell I am, I'm just lashed to the helm, holding on for dear life, getting through the day and no more - what happened to cocktails on the sun deck?".

But you learn to cope. At some point, maybe 6 weeks, maybe 4 months, maybe when baby laughs and you could swear a shaft of sunlight just fell on the two of you, you come out the storm and it's the first time you even realised that it was a storm, you thought that was just what the sea was like all the time and you were a fool to have wanted to go there in the first place.

When you look back, you are proud you got through it, you realise if you can handle that you can handle anything, going to sea is actually great fun and you can have a cocktail on the sun deck and you realise that everyone who said you were doing great was right because all you had to do was get through it, and you did.

piprabbit · 08/09/2010 22:07

poppymouse, I love your description of new parenthood - it's spot on.

Do you mind if I quote you to some new mums next time I'm doing a parenting course, please?

nelliesmum · 08/09/2010 22:09

We need some people working to pay for our pensions when we are old and grey.

Original poster
Floois · 22/09/2010 18:22

She is 4 weeks today and I am feeling much better. Feel like I'm getting enough sleep, she wakes twice in the night then at 7am.
I have been leaving the house every day and went to a baby group yesterday. Getting used to it all!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 22/09/2010 18:28

That's brilliant floois Smile

Thanks for coming back and updating, it's nice to hear how someone's done afterwards.

aleene · 22/09/2010 18:35

Lovely news Smile
First smiles and giggles make it all worthwhile.

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