Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who talk about their unborn child as though it's here already??

26 replies

Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 22:20

Am I being unreasonable to think that it's a bit weird?

I have two aquaintances who have found out what they will be having and have named them which is fine. But when I've seen them/seen updates on FB they talk about the child by name as though it's here already.

For example one of them was telling me about a holiday planned for next year and was saying how it'll be them, their DD and 'John' and oh 'John' will love it at this particular place.....'John' isn't due for another 4 months.

Then today I saw that another friend (friend of a friend really) is wondering why 'Alice' is being naughty today. Again, 'Alice' is an unborn baby.

Is it a little bit odd or am I?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 07/09/2010 22:23

yes, it's very odd. i can understand a "when X is here we'll love showing her this place" or something along those lines... but these people seem to be taking it a bit far!

also, i cannot take anything for granted any more after someone i know lost her baby at term. you think you're safe by then, but things can and do happen so i think i'd find it really hard just assuming i'd be doing stuff with my unborn baby

Tippychoocks · 07/09/2010 22:24

Oddness. But then you must get all kinds of loons on FB Grin

Claw3 · 07/09/2010 22:24

Do we all do that, but we just refer to unborn baby, as 'baby'? ie baby has been kicking a lot today, rather than 'Alice' has been kicking a lot today.

Perhaps just feels odd because they have named their babies already?

PatriciaHolm · 07/09/2010 22:25

They'll have a bit of a shock if "John" turns out to be "jane" (or vice versa!) Not unknown....

boogeek · 07/09/2010 22:26

I had a friend who used to introduce herself and her bump: I am Sophie and this is Amanda. Always found it most peculiar.

DiscoDaisy · 07/09/2010 22:26

I always thought it was tempting fate to use the names we'd picked whilst pregnant.

SirBoobAlot · 07/09/2010 22:30

I think you're being a bit unreasonable :) They're obviously very hormonal excited.

Original poster
Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 22:31

Hmmm I think that's it, it does seem a bit premature. I too have a friend who lost a baby at birth and says that you can't take a baby for granted until you're holding it in your arms.

Even the first one's DD (14) was saying to me how when her Mum goes horseriding on this holiday, she'll do such and such with 'John'. I kept getting confused as this child isn't actually here yet.

Just seemed strange that a couple of people I know are doing it.

OP posts:
squashimodo · 07/09/2010 22:35

YABU.
Some people just feel a connection with their unborn baby. During pregnancy you build up a picture of what the child may like or dislike based on their movements in the womb, you get an idea of their personality. It is all the more poignant to those who suffer miscarriages. I had three, and every pregnancy felt I had a connection with my unborn baby. That is why a miscarriage is the loss of a child, bereavement.

DuelingFanjo · 07/09/2010 22:36

I think it's odd to say a foetus is being naughty for sure. I speak about my unborn child to my DH and we have a jokey nickname for it but wouldn't do with anyone else.

ledkr · 07/09/2010 22:39

People are getting weirder about pregnancy. It's all got stupid. can't understand scans on fb.its bit personal imo. I'm nearly 19 wks with no 5. had all usual nausea tiredness plus worry of spotting and pg over 40 but got on with it and been working as normal like most women. this week woman sits next to me announced her 8 wk pg as if she was royalty and has spent 2 days referring to her bean and demanding a parking space and holding her MATERNITY trousers tight over her fat belly saying ''its all baby''
Of course has refused to do things I have been doing all the time and refers to her dh as daddy and ''we are pregnant'' ill bloody kill her at this rate

Original poster
Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 22:40

boogeek - no way! That would be hilarious!

No, they are just excited, I think it is because they're adressing them by name. I always said stuff about 'the baby' if I had anything to report when pregnant with DD, so thinking about it, maybe its not that odd after all Grin

OP posts:
Rockbird · 07/09/2010 22:41

It's still a baby though and deserving of a name. Fortunately I don't know anyone who has lost a baby at anywhere near term but from what I have read online it is immensely important for such a loss to be treated as the loss of a child and why would you not give that child a name?

If the name they have chosen is John then John it is. Doesn't seem to me to make any difference whether it's in the womb or out. So YABU.

Original poster
Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 22:45

ledkr, I had a friend give up work at 9 weeks as she was so worried about 'the ball of cells inside her'.....she worked as a bank clerk.

I never would make someone feel silly about anything like that as we are all different after all, but I must admit I was thinking 'Are you f'ing kidding me???'

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 07/09/2010 22:52

I think we've all missed the point which is that the mother is planning a horse-riding holiday after the birth.Is it her first child? Does she realise that her undercarriage may not rise to the trot for months?

Original poster
Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 22:53

Oh god, no. I would never undermine the loss of a child or profess to know how best to deal with it.

It's just this is something I've noticed and has taken me aback each time. I genuinely wondered if it was just me finding it unusual.

(just to clarify, none of the women I've mentioned have experienced miscarriages or the loss of a child to the best of my knowledge)

OP posts:
Original poster
Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 22:54

ha ha ha! Tippychooks! No it's her second, but her first is now a teenager.....the healing process now might not be as speedy as it was back then!

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 07/09/2010 22:59

Think you should warn her. If Little John is a big bugger, she'll not be riding astride for a bit Grin

sanielle · 07/09/2010 23:00

astrid28

I actually find your Op quite mean spirited and hurtful. What is so wrong with being excited?

Original poster
Astrid28 · 07/09/2010 23:04

Sorry to offend sanielle. Although I didn't say I found it strange for them to be excited, and did go on to concede that yes, they are probably just excited.

OP posts:
Firawla · 07/09/2010 23:04

YABU they are just excited, I don't see how it's doing any harm

ledkr · 07/09/2010 23:08

My colleague is sw like me and is refusing to do even non risky stuff with kids. I wanted to ask her what she will do when she has dc 2 as will have dc 1 to take care of. I feel bit mean spirited but hard when she lives closer to work and is demanding a space when I'm riding my bike twice as flippin pregnant!!!!

Wanderingsheep · 07/09/2010 23:15

Hmm, I understand a little of what you mean.

I'm 15+3 with my second. I was walking with my friend and our children yesterday. My DD was misbehaving quite a bit, not holding my hand etc. So I said to her, "DD, will you please walk by me and hold my hand. I do not want my only child to be squashed by a car!"

My friend then said, "but she isn't your only child!" I was a bit Hmm as to my knowledge, i have only given birth once. I know I am pg and I do feel a connection with my unborn baby and to me it IS a baby but it isn't here yet. Maybe I was wrong...

ApocalypseFlangePop · 07/09/2010 23:17

Yanbu, each to there own I suppose but after knowing somebody who lost a baby at term (more common than people think) I chose to be as emotionally detatched as possible and referred to both dcs as feotus throughout. (fe for short)

Fell in love with them when they were born tho, the most beautiful babies the world as ever seen obviously GrinWink

StableButDeluded · 08/09/2010 00:08

I find it a bit weird too, but I suppose each to their own. We knew we were having a boy and chose his name fairly soon afterwards. Occasionally I would call him by name if I was talking to him, as you do- you know, 'Oh (insert name), you're really kicking hard today!' but in conversation with other people he was always 'the baby'.

TBH I was never entirely convinced they'd got the sex right, so it seemed a bit previous to use his name before we knew for sure.

I only know one person who does this and it makes me do a sort of mental double-take every time she says something like 'I bought these for Emily (the baby) today, she'll love them'. I can't get used to it.

Also, another friend lost her baby at 35 weeks so when I became pregnant I was very much aware that you can't take anything for granted.