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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate picking the kids up from school

15 replies

sunshine77 · 07/09/2010 14:12

Its a very long story but dh slagged me off to a friend and she helped him go about having an affair behind my back, giving him a alabi. After I found out about his affair she was the only one who I confinded in as so embarresed.

I stayed with DH but couldnt stay were we were as too much happened so moved. Things are ok with dh now and the kids hated their school and missed their friends so decided to move back for the kids sake. The thing I'm worried about is bumping into the bitch in the playground as she usually stands with 5 other mums. I Cant believe what she did to me. Her son is in the same class as my ds and so will eventually bump into her but as DH is back at work today, im dreading bumping into her and her little clicky group. I dont have no friends where we live so cant get noone to help. Told Dh about how I feel and all he said was its in the past move on ,lovely eh? Sorry if it doesnt make much sense but really upset.

OP posts:

SlightlyJaded · 07/09/2010 14:19

Horrible for you, but try to hold on to the fact that you have the moral high ground here. Ignore her, and if anyone challenges you for being 'rude', you can then make the decision as to how much you reveal.

You will soon have a group of friends that you can stand with and you have been such a good mum in returning for the sake of your children. You sound lovely.

DH however, should definitely be more sympathetic. Ask him (calmly) to try to imagine how he would feel returning to a workplace where he knew nobody other than a colleague who had betrayed him....

Lulumaam · 07/09/2010 14:21

i'd be more pissed off with the appalling way your H has treated you , rather than her

i am sorry you're upset, but i'd be focusing on the crap you're h has put your through and that he thinks you should just move on

mummyofexitedprincesses · 07/09/2010 14:35

I feel for you, I really do, but must say it is very clever how your husband is off the hook for his behaviour and she is the evil one. So not only does he get away with the affair, but now you have no-one in your life but him. From an outsiders point of view it doesn't look good.

School gates are hard, hold your head up high and try smiling or chatting to some of the other mums. You need some friends.

Original poster

sunshine77 · 07/09/2010 15:02

Thanks for all the replies its really helped me. Hopefully I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. As I had depression since the affiar blew up I should be over it but this would be the first time since moving back seeing her, I think its brought alot of horrid meomories back. Am off now to pick the kids up, fingers crossed she not even there. It should be her who embarresed but she has no morales unfortunatly and really its mostly the DH fault, but if I'd been in her shoes I would of never done anything like that. Thanks again x

OP posts:

Bramshott · 07/09/2010 15:08

Hang on a minute - your DH betrayed you by having an affair, this other friend listened to him and "gave him an alibi" (who knows what lines he spun!) - but somehow you are more pissed of with her than him?!?

ChippingIn · 07/09/2010 15:46

No Bramshott - I don't think that's what she's saying at all. I imagine she's torn plenty of strips off of him and they moved away - now they have moved back, she is today, going to see someone who betrayed her trust... and acted like a complete bitch. Not only that, but it's in the minefield that is the playground..... :(

Sunshine - affair aside as I presume you have dealt with that... (kind of).... the way DH is treating you now isn't good enough, sadly, it's quite normal after an affair for the 'wrong doer' to not want to be reminded what pain they have caused :( Tough shit - he needs to 'man up' and deal with the fact that this is not just a little thing that is in the past, it is now a part of your relationship and he put it there.

How did it go??

Bramshott · 07/09/2010 20:39

Sorry, I was probably being a bit harsh, not necessarily in response to the OP, but to the double standard that seems to exist on MN whereby we expect exemplary behaviour from women, and don't have the same expectations of men.

If a friend was having marital problems, would I listen to her moaning about her DH - yes of course I would (and have!); if she wanted me to give her an alibi - yes, I probably would to be honest, as I tend to to take the view that human relationships are complicated and sometimes messy.

Shaz10 · 07/09/2010 20:42

Practise the "looking through someone" look. Should piss her off more than anything. And will help you. Hope it goes ok.

Original poster

sunshine77 · 08/09/2010 10:18

Hi sorry to of not got back to sooner but by the time kids went to bed and then DH came home so had to wait till he went to work. Thanks to all the replies its really helped. Thankfully she wasnt there as her XDH was instead but will be there today. Her clicky group were thought and I knew they were saying something as the were pointing at me. I hate it :( So will definatly see her today as DS uses the same side of school and it being small. I hate being so scared of going to pick my kids up as its not fair on them, I really cant stand my DH at the mo cause of it. Its the fact that I dont want to be confronted about this crap and the kids find out as I did my best to hide all from them. I am just going to time it so when I pick them up I wont have been hanging around in the playground.
Bramshott the thing is she sees no wrong in her actions and after I found out about the affair and told her what had been going on and why we were having problems due to his spending and not paying the bill which made us loose our house, he's in the process of being bankrupt now, as I write this it doesnt sound that good. She could of said oh well he confinded in me and being that im more friends with your DH but she never all she did was say if I were you Id chuck him out nasty man and all that. In the past my so called best friend was having a thing with a neighbour, I would never of given her an alabi as that using someone, I told her if she having problems take to her DH.
I lost my family because the couldnt stand by and watch me stay with him again as hes done it before. So all I have is DH and the kids that why I ask for some advice MN as no-one to turn to really and Mn were so helpful last year. I do love My DH and at the minute we getting on brilliantly and he is a totally different man as I wouldnt be with him, but it still hurts to think what he did and I am still living through it every day. Thanks again x

OP posts:

sorrento56 · 08/09/2010 10:27

What about him coming with you to pick up the children for a few days? He certainly owes you all and he could always go back to work afterwards if he had too.

mummytime · 08/09/2010 10:39

ARe you two getting counselling? Because I really think you need to deal with your DH, at present his behaviour is isolating you. You need friends and family around you.

He might do it again if he's already done it twice now. Sorry, but you do need to look after yourself.

bigchris · 08/09/2010 10:43

Hold your head up high
organise some of your ds' friends to come round and play so you meet some more mums
remember it is her in the wrong not you
I feel so so sorry for you
keep posting xx

fedupofnamechanging · 08/09/2010 13:37

So your husband has cheated on you repeatedly and is taking your family into bankruptcy? This woman behaved like a bitch, but you have bigger problems. It is hard for your family to stand by and watch you be treated like shit by your own husband, but unfortunately losing contact with them is just isolating you further.

At school, you will just have to hold your head up and brazen it out. If the topic comes up, I would be honest with other people regarding how this other woman behaved, but tbh, the more pressing thing is to deal with why you are allowing your husband to get away with his behaviour

NordicPrincess · 08/09/2010 13:40

id tell all the other mums what she did, they wont want her anywhere near them and their husbands. women dont like other women who act that way...

ChippingIn · 09/09/2010 21:09

sunshine77 How has it been the last few days?

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