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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being p*@$ed off with DH??

37 replies

PandaEis · 07/09/2010 11:08

my DH started a new job today which looks like it will be more long term than alot of others (he is a self-employed electrician). he didnt have to be at the office-2 minutes drive down the road- until 9AM. i have to get the bus to work which takes me 45mins and i have to be at work at 9:30am.

DD started school yesterday and has to be in school at 8:50am.

DH insisted that if he took DD he would be late for his first day in the new job. DDs school backs onto our house and is literally a 2min walk there and back. DH refused to help get DD ready and walked out of the door at 8:45 and said he had to go or he would be late leaving me to get DD to school and myself to work negotiating with public transport etc.

bearing all that in mind, i understand that he may have been nervous about his first day etc but he was driving the 2mins it takes to get to the new offices so leaving at 8:52 and allowing me the chance to get into work on time would have been entirely possible for him.

AIBU to have thought that DH could have pitched in instead of putting himself first and leaving me to be late for work??

(so there is no AIBU by stealth...he has a history of this kind of thing and has been of the mindset of 'looking after number 1' for a whileHmm)

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/09/2010 15:39

I bet he does see it, of course he does, he's not blind or stupid (well maybe a little). If you were leaving unflushed tampons in the toilet or nappies on the sitting room floor he would see it. He needs to know how much you care about it, and if necessary give him a checklist for how things "should be" - e.g. toilet flushed and clean, sink empty of hairs, bath mat hung up etc. It may sound patronising to him but it's just common courtesy to the people you're living with. If he makes a fuss it is probably time to suggest that he gets his own place where he can make as much mess as he likes.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/09/2010 15:40

I make that about 30 x Hmm faces you've done here - you're seriously pissed off - time to launch at him, maybe in a letter?

Original poster
PandaEis · 07/09/2010 16:13

yep i think i may be seriously peed off with him. this is happening in a cycle of about 6 weeks every frigging 6 weeks as in...

we argue, i make my point...

he helps out for a week and then it dwindles for about 2 weeks to no help at all...

i simmer over it for about 2-3 weeks until i get too annoyed and it spills over into another argument and the cycle starts again!

(can you tell im trying not to do a Hmm faceGrin)

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 07/09/2010 16:20

My Ex did the loo thing. He was so lazy if he opened a drawer he would pull out what he wanted, step on everything pulled onto the floor and walk away, leaving chaos. He would do a half arsed job when he ever did anything but balanced it by telling me all the time how hard he worked and how much he did. Your lovely example of manhood sounds a similar sort of nobber. Lazy, selfish and really not giving a shite what you do or how you feel.

I have no helpful advice to give sadly as I clearly couldn't change the gobshite that is my Ex. But I sympathise.

Tiredmumno1 · 07/09/2010 16:44

Panda have a talk to him later, and make sure you say what you just said about the cycle starting again, and that all you do is go round in circles, and make sure he knows this is the last time you want this convo.

Otherwise warn him that if he slips up again, you will bag up his washing and leave it, you will no longer cook for him, and empty a cupboard so any crap he leaves about throw it straight in there.

And now he is working again he should pay towards the car.
I hope he contributes to the house and doesnt leave it up to you?

As regards to your dd he needs to start sharing responsibility

Original poster
PandaEis · 07/09/2010 17:27

thanks for all the adviceSmile this is why i love MNGrin

tiredmum he was out of work for 6 months and then doing very low paid work so i have been contributing more than him but his new job is working in his trade (electrician) so he will be in the position to contribute more. that is/has been a sore point as he was not happy to support me financially when i was a student (bursury paid nursing) and made a massive fuss when i was out of work for 3 weeks as he thought that his wage (£24000 a year at that point) wasnt enough for us to live on! now that my smaller wage (£12000 a year) was the only wage coming in there was suddenly no urgency for him to find a jobHmm it has been a hard 6 months i can tell you! things are only recently starting to improve and this doing nothing attitude of his has hardly helped!!

i am planning on shouting discussing things calmly with him tonight and see where we are as something has to give and i would rather it be his attitiude than our marriage!

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 07/09/2010 17:33

I was going to post a longer post about what you should do and how awful he sounds, btu the whole thing was so depressing that I thought I would be more concise. Grin

sorrento56 · 07/09/2010 17:35

Talk is cheap.

Better a man who tells you he loves you less but is actually a decent human being.

Does he seriously have a poo and not flush the toilet?

Tiredmumno1 · 07/09/2010 18:16

Well panda i wish you luck, it sounds really horrid for you.

Stay strong and stand your ground, a relationship is fifty fifty.

Let us know how you get on

ChippingIn · 08/09/2010 13:29

Panda - how did it go last night?

NordicPrincess · 08/09/2010 13:35

he dousnt flush his own poo? next time he does that get it out a put it on a plate and serve it to him as his dinner. or wrap it in his clean clothes or in his shoe.

knob end

TwasEverThus · 08/09/2010 13:42

Put it on a plate and serve it to him for dinner! Genius!

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