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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish I was brave enough to speak up when parents are shit to their children in public?

15 replies

NotAnotherBrick · 06/09/2010 18:09

That's it really!

I wish I could say something. I guess part of me thinks it's pointless - not going to change their behaviour and could make them treat the child worse . But then I wonder how nice it would be for a child with a parent like that to have someone stick up for them sometimes.

But what would I say? Has anyone on MN challenged a parent being unkind to their child and managed to say anything? What did you say? What was the reaction?

OP posts:

booyhoo · 06/09/2010 18:11

never done it, never really seen anything that bad but i still probably wouldn't say anything. you are right, it probably wouldn't change anything, just make them angrier and then take it out on the child.

Itsjustafleshwound · 06/09/2010 18:19

I belong to the leave well alone club. There is not a lot you can physically do and it isn't like you know the full circumstances of the situation and family - it just makes you look judgey and interfering.

Being a complete arse - if parents are willing to humiliate and threaten their children in public, what is to say that you won't catch the worst of their bad behaviour ... or that they would be adult enough to see the interference for what it is ??

NewbeeMummy · 07/09/2010 10:40

As much as I agree with you and would love to stand up to those sort of parents, I do fall into the leave well alone club.

I was visiting a friend on mine, and the girl (probably 6 or 7 years old) from next door ran behind my car as I was parking, I was just reversing into a space, so didn't hit her, but when I got out I just said to her very politley, "you need to be careful, a car could hit you"

Her mum then appeared from no where and started shouting at me to leave her daughter alone and not to tell her how to raise her kids.

I ignored her and went inside to visit my friend.

3 hours later I went out to the car and every tyre was slashed. I couldn't prove it was this woman, but my neighbour has had issues with her for several years.

CaptainInkheart · 07/09/2010 10:44

You will get beaten up.

emskilou · 07/09/2010 11:05

Wellllllllllllllllll I used to be part of the leave well alone club until the other day...........

I took my DD, DS and DSS to the park for a pic nic wit a friend and her 2 DS', football, little game of cricket etc etc, even took the i-pod and some speakers too :) Anyway, where was I......a yes...

We were enjoying our day, then all of a sudden I heard this woman screaming obscenities including but not limited to 'come here you f*king ba*rd' 'oi you fking c*t' you get the idea, we could all hear it, the children looked at me like this then I turned expecting to see her rowing with an adult only to find she was screaming at a little child, he was probably 2.5 yrs at the most, walking a little bit away from her in a red t-shirt and a nappy. I was stunned and completely fuming, I told the children to stay with my friend and I went over. She was sat down so I got down to her level, she turned, smiled and said 'Kids eh', I said 'Excuse me?!' completely shocked at her attitude. I asked if she thought it acceptable to swear in front of children she explained that he was only young so didnt understand

I said 'he will understand aggression and anger coming from you and not only that my children can hear every word of your foul language so I suggest you stop, buy a dictionary and learn some new words'

She started to look angry so I gave her 'the face' as my sister/cousin and every one of my generation in the family younger than me calls it. She just made a pfffffft sound and said 'woteva' I then said 'I feel sorry for that child' and walked away. We carried on our picnic, football, cricket and listening to some dodgy music on my i-pod.

A little while later foul language lady was leaving, she walked past us, she bent down (I thought I was going to get a slap) and said 'I am so sorry, I really didnt think about how my language could affect him (pointing to the little boy smothered in chocolate and dirt sat in his pushcair) and I didnt realise how loud I was being'. I said 'Apology accepted, just think about him (pointing to the little man) I am sure you want to be the best he can be and a happy little chap, it's your job to give him that chance, he learns everything from you'. She smiled gave her little man a kiss and left.

Hopefully, she now has better nick names for him.

turkeyboots · 07/09/2010 11:15

Well done emskilou!

On Sunday we were walking past a man in a shopping centre, just as he swore louldly at a 2 year old and slapped the child around the head. Had to hold myself back from walloping him myself, as that would be assult. Was so angry, but given the violence, didn't say anything as didn't want to run the risk of getting hit myself (or DH ending up in a fight).

Its a minefield.

UnePrune · 07/09/2010 11:15

emskilou, that is a lovely story (well, ykwim!).

Mowiol · 07/09/2010 11:16

emskilou - [round of applause emoticon].
Well done you!
It's not easy but I (and DH) have done the "obvious staring" thing when confronted with that sort of stuff. Just making it obvious we are observing IYSWIM. But you do not know whether you might be on the receiving end of some abuse yourself.

emskilou · 07/09/2010 11:21

Not sure what has brought on my brave new attitude, previously I would have ensured I wore green in order that should anything erupt I could like down and pretend I was part of the foliage

The other day I was shopping, DS (4) was on my shoulders DD (5) was using my arm as a swing and DSS (6) thought my other spare arm looked lonely so thought he would wrap himself around it. I heard this large lump of a woman say 'come on shit brick' to her little lady who was toddling about so must have only been 18months max, then dragged her along the floor had I not been swamped in children I am sure I would have said something.

I really do not understand how adults can act this way and speak to their children like that

UnePrune · 07/09/2010 11:26

I hear things like that all the time round our way.
More often it's a way of speaking to little toddlers, though: they just go on and on about what little shits they're being (when they're not, they're being 18mo and normal). You can only assume that's how they were spoken to as children, and that's their normality.
We've had adverts on the buses about what pleasant things you can talk to your child about as you travel, I assume as opposed to calling them things like shitbrick and not letting them babble.

glasjam · 07/09/2010 11:27

God emskilou I wouldn't like to see your "face"! It must be absolutely terrifying

emskilou · 07/09/2010 11:29

It is very sad and this may be a little presumptuous of me but if that is the way are treated in public I dread to think of how they are treated at home

emskilou · 07/09/2010 11:31

I have tried to do 'the face' to myself in the mirror but I just fall about laughing perhaps I turn into something resembling the green goblin

PosieParker · 07/09/2010 11:34

I posted about speaking out in a thread and wondered why noone else does and was told that I was smug, weird and interfering! Apparently you never know that that parent isn't having a bad day.....I say that you can tell.

emskilou · 07/09/2010 11:37

Oooh maybe I am smug, weird and interfering too but with 'the face' so could technically add freak onto that as well. Oh well, I am happy with that

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