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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get involved

16 replies

laurely · 05/09/2010 18:08

My son is 11

He has been friends with another boy since reception but they have fallen out big style over the summer holidays. Both at fault

His mum has been texting me to try and see if we can sort them out, get them speaking etc.

I have spoken to my son about it, he is adamant the friendship is over.

I want to leave them to it. AIBU?

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 05/09/2010 18:11

well I really dn't know. Was it a bust-up over a big issue or some minor thing?

Generally better if they clear the air and put it behind them, same as grown-ups unless things were said or things happened which were too harsh for them to get over. They don't have to be best buddies or anything.

Understand your reluctance but they've known each other a long time. Seems a shame not to get it sorted.

costacoffee · 05/09/2010 18:12

Personally it is never easier when your children fall out with their friends,but yanbu and I agree leave them to itSmile.

Original poster
laurely · 05/09/2010 18:12

A series of minor things over a period of time.

OP posts:
cornsilk909 · 05/09/2010 18:13

What a shame. I think you should encourage ds to make friends even if they aren't going to be best buddies again. You can't just shut people out of your life 'cos you fall out.

mumbar · 05/09/2010 18:17

I'd perhaps encourage them to clear the air as it's mature thing to do but make it clear that means clear the air, agree to disagree etc NOT be best buds. Mainly because I'm assuming they're starting scondary school which can be difficult and if the airs cleared it may make it easier for one to seek support of the other if needed.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/09/2010 18:17

Why not? if you don't want them in your life there's nothing wrong with booting them out of it. Doesn't mean you can't be civil if your paths cross.

In your position, laurely, I would just text back and say that hard as it is, you think that this is a friendship that has run its course as some friendships do, and the boys would both be happier in the long run to go their seperate ways, being civil when their paths cross and if they are destined to be pals again, they will come together in their own time.

Original poster
laurely · 05/09/2010 18:18

He tried to make friends last week but he got a middle finger stuck up at him and told to go away.

I have had a text since then ( from the mum) about them needing to make up.

OP posts:
cornsilk909 · 05/09/2010 18:21

In that case he's done enough.

onepieceoflollipop · 05/09/2010 18:22

Probably you need to have a (brief) conversation with the other mother. Texts are easily misconstrued. Perhaps she is unaware of her own child sticking his finger up at yours. I don't mean tell her in a telling tales kind of way, just to express the strength of the other child's feeling possibly? :)

onimolap · 05/09/2010 18:28

Are they changing schools? Will they be together in the classroom? If so, getting them back on civilized terms will be worth it. But the closer friendship may be spent.

I would certainly talk it through, rather than text it, if at all possible.

borderslass · 05/09/2010 18:29

I've had this with dd2 her and L have been friends since 2 live across the path from each other but dd2 has never been able to have other friends and when L said jump she said how high but over the last 3 years they've drifted apart dd2 has other friends at last. But got a text off L's mum asking why I'd banned them I hadn't L had twisted it but as I said she was getting one side of the story and me the other they'll never be best friends again but maybe see each other occasionally but L is an only child and is always believed.

Original poster
laurely · 05/09/2010 18:32

Thankyou for the replies.

They start secondary tomorrow but are in different tutors

We live on the same street.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 05/09/2010 18:35

well if there has been a history of problems and your ds' overtures were rejected, I think it may well have run its course and have been a relationshp kept up because of habit and proximity rather than any real connection between the two of them.

Maybe just be friendly with the mum but tell her you think it is best to leave them be to sort it out between themselves at this age.

witch000 · 05/09/2010 19:24

YANBU if your son doesn't want to be friends anymore, it's up too him.

The exact same thing has happened with my 11 year old daughter,her and her best friend have fallen out.

I've told her what i think and have left her too it.

DetectivePotato · 05/09/2010 19:27

He is old enough to decide who he wants to be friends with. I don't understand why the other mum is pushing for it so much. He tried and get knocked back, he's not interested. Thats fine.

Many friendships come and go throughout childhood and life, its no big deal at 11, especially when they are about to make loads of new friends at school anyway.

mumbar · 05/09/2010 19:41

Oh I go back on what I said then. If your DS has tried to build bridges and been told to F off then I agree to leave it.

THB from the information you've given since my pp it sounds as if your DS is mature and sensible and will easily make new friends as he understands the dynamic of friendships iyswim.

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