to be frightened that I won't be able to have a baby?

[fuschiagroan]

I know I am.

There is no physical reason that I know of why I wouldn't be able to. Periods have always been totally normal and regular, I haven't had any major medical treatments that might make it unlikely. But I still worry that I might not be able to have them, as I won't know for sure until I start ttc.

Also, I have a coil in and the other day there was something on the radio about how they didn't used to put coils in women who hadn't had children, in case it damaged them or something and made them infertile. I have never had an infection with mine, but still worry about this!

I think it's just because I really want them, and I am a natural pessimist! Can't imagine life being any good without them.

Fuschia, I know it is difficult to imagine, but I felt so sad when you said you can't imagine life being any good with out them (children). Many childless people, including myself and DH, have tried and failed to become parents. Does this mean our life is worthless? No. Meaning in life can come from many things;your values and your integrity can ensure your life is rich and full. I should also add that even without having your own children there is still so much you can do to have a lasting impact on a child's life. I have great admiration, respect and love for a number of adults that were important in my childhood - relatives, leaders of things like Brownies, teachers, even our postman who encouraged us to join the YOC and used to talk to us for ages about birdwatching. By imagining your self as a failure if you are not a parent, I think you might be putting extra pressure on your self. Try and talk to some people you know and respect who don't have children. You'll find people who are happy, well adjusted, normal, don't have two heads, are part of a wider family and do an amazing variety of things. My fave aunt is a good example. She's only 10 years older than me, so is more of a big sister. Has now retired early, but is a vice chair of school governors, is a family/local historian, an ace crafter (knits, does tapestry), chutney maker and fab cook, film buff, traveller, wildlife enthusiast, and is a key part of our enormous family, hosting loads of family get-togethers, and being the agony aunt (literally!) to legions of my many cousins. I could describe many more childless people I know but I'm sure you get the picture. I really hope that one day you do have children if that is what you want, but please don't think it's the only thing in life.

It is pretty much taken for granted that when the time is right, after a magical night a wee pink baby will grow.

However yanbu to worry.

i spent half of my adult life preventing pregnancy, then when the time was right (in my 30's) we have struggled an unbelievable amount.
normal periods, no health issues, not even a bout of thrush in my life........it doesnt always follow does it. and it is very very unfair.

keep posiven though, presume that i maybe in the minority.

Yes. After a few months trying (bearing in mind I'm quite old) I went and had

Day 21 and day 4 hormone tests (these tell you whether your hormones are at teh right levels for ovulation to be taking place)

This is when the doc told me I have the hormone results of a healthy 22 year old. It put my mind at ease.

I had my tests done at the GPs.

After my ectopic (which I experienced six months after coming of pill) I paid to have a tube test it cost about £250. It's called a HSG or Hycosy tube patency test. At the same time, he had a look at my ovaries whilst scanning and at my womb to check everything looked fine.

quick hug to lalonny.

Scuttlebutter is dead right, too. What a lovely perspective. It really isn't the be-all and end-all of everything. Life is what you make it, and I especially liked what scuttle said about having an impact on children's life, regardless of whether or not they are "your own". There are so many options, and not stressing is one of them

I'm sorry but the NHS won't test you for anything to 'put your mind at rest'. What a complete waste of resources that would be.

You have to be trying for at least a year before they will test you. Most people won't need it, if everyone who worried got tested to put their minds at rest, it would be totally ridiculous.

Worry about it if and when it happens.

YANBU, I was always worried about this. I had anorexia in my teens and had late starting irritatic periods throughout. I was bracing myself for infertility. I've only ever had sex without protection once. I have a ds. I think I truely believed that I couldn't, let alone from a one off so tired it out. DO NOT do this unless you want a child! Luckily ds is very much loved and we were happy to have him and as we'd just moved into our first place and married he'll never have an inkling that he wasn't planned...

Oh God Scuttlebutter I didn't mean everyone's life is worthless if they don't have a child, certainly not! I have a few childless-by-choice friends with happy relationships/lives and great careers. I do not see their lives as lacking anything at all, in fact some of them are particularly exciting and glamorous.

But I know I really want children, and a proper family of my own, which I don't feel I've had before.

I felt like that for years. Have 3 kids now. Didn't occur to me to worry that one might be severely disabled which was of course the hand we were dealt in life. I worried about the wrong things! (But actually I didn't because life is good and probably in our case although harder work, probably better for the disability).

I worried about this too..was convinced i would be infertile because i desperately wanted children! Worried so much that we started TTC DC1 when we were only 19! (i had been with DP for 4 years by then, 10 years in nov :) ) I fell pregnant after 3 months of trying and couldn't believe it :)

I didn't worry so much about being infertile after that. DD2 came along 4 years later after 2 months of trying. I can now see that i was being rather silly worrying about not being able to get pregnant before even trying to Oh well! I know how lucky i am to have my 2 babies.

On the flip side, however, I never worried about whether or not I was infertile, and found out when I was 30 years old that I am.

I was the same, fuschiagroan. But I was (am) 29 and was concerned about decreasing fertility if we kept putting off children until everything was right/perfect/we could afford it/cows came home.
Happily DH agreed to TTC - and I was pregnant a month later (due end November). I think it's good to keep in mind that fertility is not a given (was mentally prepared to keep trying for a year or so, given some friends' experiences) but also, don't worry until you know you have cause to worry. When I came off the pill I used the ovulation sticks from Boots, and that was reassuring to see that it appeared that things were in working order for me.