To hate the fact I have to rely on so many other people now I'm a mum?

[poshsinglemum]

My mate was supposed to be babysitting for me last night but she let me down at the last minute because she didn't feel like it. She's upset about her man. I paid £20 for a gig ticket and I couldn't go.
I completely understand but I hate the fact that I have to rely on others or else I never get to go out etc.

That?s life, innit?

was there no-one else you could of asked? know how you feel though. it's s**t isn't it!! dh is just as bad

I know what you mean and if you have childless friends but they don't want to hear about babysitting issues because is sounds like excuses..

I think your friend could have still babysat TBH. Maybe try to find a regular reliable babysitter...

You kinda adapt though dont you to not going out,and to not asking people. well i have anyway.
Effectively ive had no social life for about 7 years now.

Whats upsetting is that i DO have people near by who could babysit but they make it clear, they dont want to....hence the never asking.

For the sake of my sanity I have a rule never ever to bank on doing anything until I am actually there. No matter how much you want to do something or are looking forward to it, you just never know when you are going to have a child with earache or a baby sitting issue. That sounds a bit negative, but I see it more as being very laid back about plans.

YANBU but I'm not sure what you can do to fix that.

Shall I say grrr on your behalf?

Surely you knew before having children that your life would change? Its part of being a parent.

If your friends let you down then perhaps look for a professional babysitting service.

YANBU. it really annoys me, especially as i am always the one that stays with the kids and doesn't get involved in any of our family projects because i am the pregnant/ child-laden one.

nowt i can do about it though- and i have lots of support, it's just the way it is.

maybe in 4 years i'll be able to go somewhere without having to arrange it first, and being reliant on that arrangement.

I think it's crap your mate let you down without a good reason posh

I understand completely that you feel let down. I would feel the same. And quite frankly, if your friend 'didn't feel like it' she either should have 'gotten over it' and lived up to her commitment, found you an acceptable substitute to babysit, or at the very least reimbursed you for the cost of the ticket.

That being said - it is difficult to be too demanding when someone is doing you a favour. Mostly, I hire babysitters who are not friends. It costs more (obviously), but they are reliable. I now budget this into the cost of my night out (in some instances, the night out costs about the same as the babysitter!). It means I go out less, but do not depend on 'flaky' friends (hasten to add not all my friends are 'flaky', but ykwim).

It's for that reason that I pay for babysitters and don't go out very often

You get what you pay for. If you pay nothing you can't expect total dedication IMO, it's a favour. If you paid someone then you can reasonably expect them to turn up and do the job.