To want to rip my mother's head off?

[xxEvadneCakexx]

My mother has not seen my 9 month old son since Febuary.

She lives 10 minutes up the road from us.

She refused to come to our wedding and has cut all contact with us.

This is due to my sister (her favourite) falling out with most of the family, behaving like an arse and making it impossible for me to have her at our very small, intimate wedding.

I think I should just accept she doesn't want to see him and get on with it but the more I think of her not bothering with him the angrier with her I get.

Hence the title.

AIBU?

Her loss

I think you should write to your mum explaining lightly what happened and that youd like for your ds to have a relationship with her and can she see past all this??

the balls then in her court.

agree with fuschiagroan.

Indeed, yet I can't stop the angryness.

Very bloody annoying

I've got a feeling this will happen with my mother when I have a baby. She criticises everything I do, but usually more for trying too hard than not enough. So any suggestion that I might want to breastfeed/call it something slightly middle class/do hippyish things like baby massage WILL be met with constant digging and bitching...

Nickschic - I do see your point but without going into too much detail, I have done a vast amount of stuff for my mother over the years.

I should not have to beg her for forgiveness - I've done nothing wrong.

I'm angry (and angrier by the day!) that she doesn't seem to give a shit on what she's missing out on? And as such am digging my heels in and think she should be the one to make a move.

I did however, send her a Mothers day card from him. We heard nothing back.

Make the first move. She may be sat in her home wondering how you all got into this situation and not knowing how to get out of it.

If she rejects your offer of reconciliation, then you are better off without her anyway.

Fusciagroan - BFO (Before Falling Out) I was mocked for correcting my mother when she told my nephew to "Look at the big fish on the telly"

It's not a fish, it's a great big fuck off Blue Whale and therefore a mammal FFS.

Yeah, any hint of wanting to make a real effort at stuff or try to be correct is massively frowned on by my mama. She is the sort of person who loves to piss on your cornflakes, metaphorically speaking

I didnt mean to ask her forgiveness - im probably not really going to be any good at advising you anyway seeing as my own mum died when i was 11 (and i cant see her going all gushy over a letter either ) and my MIL hated me .

Sad though how families can be so cruel isnt it?.

Fusciagroan - I suspect she is my mother's internet doppelganger.

Bastards eh!

nickschic - I'm sorry, now I feel like an arse.

And yes. familes can be really bloody cruel. Which is a slight puzzle as we are supposed to love one another unconditionally aren't we?

I personally think it's fine to cut people out of your life if they are continually shitty to you, even if it is your mother. I think even mine would be tempted by a cute little baby, even just to show off with

oh god noooooo evadne dont be silly my mum certainly wouldnt have been mum of the year lol.

If she took your sister´s side & decided to boycott your wedding, I say it´s up to her to make the first move tbh.

I think the ball is already in her court. You sent a card and she didnt respond. I think, unfortunately, that the answer right there.

So my advice would be not to focus on her and her failings, but to focus on you (in a non offensive meaning way! LOL) as you have extended the olive branch and done nothing wrong and see what you can do to move on from the anger because it cant be good for you to feel that way iyswim? Perhaps talk to a counsellor or some such? You cant change her but you can change how you react to her. It is evident she has cut you out and I realise that hurts and sucks especially for your DS :(

But then again, I could be talking out my arse as I have no idea!!

I totally understand how you feel, my dad is like this. He didn't contact me at all during my pregnancy (his first grandchild), my birthday, christmas, when ds was born etc. There was no argument or falling out, hes just a cunt bit too lazy to pick up the phone. He met my ds for the first time about 6 weeks ago when I turned up with him in the pub (hes the pub landlord) ds was 8months old then. Since then he phoned me once promising to visit but nothing since, I'm not holding my breath. I have no advice but I totally sympathise . Its so easy for people to say get in touch/ cut her out but nothing short of a miracle will stop the hurt when someone who should love you and your dc can't be bothered

Can I also just say that I think that not going to a daughter´s wedding has to be one of the nastiest most spiteful things I can think of.

TBH I could cut someone off without a thought who obviously had so little regard for my feelings.

My dh family are very similar. I can go for ges feeling fine and then could quite honestly stab them.
The thing is that it was his father who said the last word so it feels like I have not had the chance to put my side across and to get (and I always think of this being al horrible and American) closure.
You have already tried once to give he a chance and she has failed.
It is a grossly unfair situation but their is only so much you can do. You have tried and she has let you down again.
Get on with enjoying your life and if she decides at any point to get intouch with you then it is your decision wheteryou want to rebuild bridges or not.
Yanbu

I'd probably send a few recent pictures of your ds with a note saying how well he's doing and maybe an open ended invitation for her to visit. If you get no response I'd think well you tried but it's her loss. How sad that a mother can behave this way towards her daughter.

Thank you all - Your advice on this has helped me feel alot less shitty about it.

I'm really glad I asked you all.