To ask my DDs to wear helmets when they go out on their bikes?

[LackingInspiration]

Because I'm starting to feel like an overprotective mother (and I so am not one of those!). All the other children in the street don't wear helmets, and my DDs are so good at keeping theirs on, but I know it annoys them.

The thing is that, unlike most of the decisions DH and I have made about parenting, we've just swallowed the standard advice about helments, without researching the ins and outs of them. So what's the deal?

Am I being overprotective? Or haven't I read enough research and arguments to make an informed decision?

Well put Sassy, am absolutely horrified at how heartless and dismissive some people are on here.

Zeno it is not your 'aside' to make. I would hope that through other 'conversations' Shabba & I have had on MN she would know exactly where I was coming from and if she doesn't remember those (and I wouldn't be suprised if she doesn't, she kindly speaks to lots of people about her family) she would understand what I was saying, but if she didn't, she would make comment herself as she did to Tokyo. So please, don't put your words in her mouth.

Pixie I know :( However, my post was well before the one she replied to Tokyo about, so I'm sure she would have said something if she'd had a problem with what I said - which basically, was that I wished she didn't carry the guilt with her that she does :(

I promised myself that I would not come back on this thread. I promised myself totally.

However I have read everything and all I want to say is"-

I have had 4 sons. One of my twins died when he was 7 months old...I hugged him, I breastfed him, I cuddled him and I kissed him. My one aim was to be a Mum - I am an intelligent woman BUT I wanted to be an amazing mum.

OK so we struggled along after my baby Gareth died....somehow our Matty was born. He grew and he was loved and he was so precious because his older brother had died. I went into big debt to buy him a bike... I couldnt afford to buy him a helmet. One day he asked could he play out of the garden in our quiet street. I allowed him to do this...within minutes he had been crushed to death. I cant explain the situation that met my eyes that day....if i try to explain it makes me have panic attacks and it makes me cry. I am a strong woman who always pretends she is ok....but that accident was awful.....the back of his skull had been destroyed....utterly wiped out.

I know I made an error - I know I should have brought him a helmet....my precious, funny little lad was dead. Many years have passed.....I have changed beyond belief....I have had many years where I have been dependent on alcohol, many years where I have not wanted to be alive....and, yet, I am still here.

All I have wanted to say on this thread is - GATHER YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN TO YOU...MAKE SURE THEY KNOW YOU LOVE THEM BEYOND LIFE ITSELF...DONT TAKE ANY CHANCES.

Read your post OP and none of the buggers in between.

Go on insisting they wear a helmut, I know of 2 people personally who swear they would have had a serious head injury without theirs (emerged from bike accident slightly shaken but basically fine - however bike helmut a bit battered)

Ok - now just read Shabbas post. Shabba - it wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself - you have suffered enough and are still suffering.

Shabba, I always, always do what you said in the last line of your post, and I do it in part because I know your story. And I have always had a no helmet, no bike policy but I will hold to it even more firmly now.

It was not your fault. It was a terrible, sickening, tragic, accident. I'm so, so sorry for Matt's loss. I know it doesn't help, but I hope you know how much your story has meant to others, on the bereavement thread and in general.

Cheerful - if just one person listens to my Matts story and takes action then his life was not in vain. He was a fantastic little lad - full of life and laughter....he used to tell me he loved me and to give him a snog

I remember when I first heard your story; it was when DS and I had had a terrible day, full of tantrums and I was beyond frustrated and feeling like a terrible mother. Then I heard your story. I cried and cried, and I honestly can't tell you how much more patient I have been with my DS because of Gareth and Matt. They have made a difference to me.

And when I get a bike this fall, I guarantee you I'll buy myself a helmet at the same time.

WOW Cheerful - you have cheered me up....all four of my sons have been a total inspiration to me....Im glad my lads changed the way you felt. We kind of stumble from day to day but when I look at my sons achievments they inspire me, xxxx

Glad I could! :) Thanks again for being brave and telling your story to help others-I feel that your sons know and are proud of you. :) Have a good weekend, all!

I don't have time to read the whole thread, but in Canada children have to wear helmets when cycling, skateboarding, and ice skating. It's the law. Very rare to see children (or adults!) on bikes without helmets.

I didn't realize it wasn't the law, it is here. (Canada). I'd say to your children, wear a helmet or no bike. There are some very cool helmets, maybe let them choose out ones they like? My son fell off his bike, age 7, wearing his helmet, which dented (forehead area) and he had to be in hospital over night as he still had concussion signs. (vomiting, headache, plus he injured his front top, just coming in adult teeth). Imagine if no helmet?

Oh shabba, I just read your post, I am so sorry.

Are you in Toronto, gtamom? Why do you post here (just interested)... I used to live in Dublin and got onto Mumsnet there, now I'm home in NS and still love it...
Just seemed funny, two Canadian posts in a row!

Yes I am. I was googling for a parenting site and this was one that came up. It wasn't all centered around younger mom's and has so many topics, I liked it.
NS! yay! My mom is from there. We just spent a week at Blue Rock, near Lunensburg in July, and loved it there!

This thread is not Mn at its worst.
We read shabba posts. and we are saddened and of course sorry for her.
But tokyo was giving a different slant. discussing the physics of actually falling off a bike.
and she did not say anything directed at sabba, did she ?
I am sorry, but thats just not fair.
I, like Blueshoes, benefitted from this discussion, thank you.

Shabba, your post gave me chills. Particularly given my son's horrible head injury a couple of weeks ago because we snorted and sneered at overprotective types who made their dc wear helmets. Idiots (us). I'm so sorry for what you have been through, it's the stuff of nightmares and I'm so glad you've been able to share with us (hope you're ok after doing so?).

Sassy - HUGE APPLAUSE for your post

OP - if 'anecdotal evidence' means nothing to you and doesn't affect your decision, why in the name of sweet baby Jesus are you asking for opinion? It's the one thing that would sway me to hear that posters' children have died re this issue. And if you're on the fence, err on the side of caution or is that too rational?!

and she did not say anything directed at sabba, did she ?

Yes - at 14.41

"the physics of actually falling off a bike"
Are we reading the same thread?

Look Oblomov Delighted for you that you find this so beneficial - and I can totally see that those who haven't sat through a first year lecture on risk, or read the glossy supplement article in the Sunday Telegraph might be thrilled to their breeches about the new and exciting arguments revealed here

But actually, being positively wet with excitement at the intellectual stimulation on offer, doesn't mean posters need to be heartless and dismissive.

If you post a question on an emotive topic (like rape or miscarriage or child death) on an open bulletin board aimed at mothers generally, not everyone will want to take an acturial approach. Fuck me, y'know - some people will actually have an emotive response. Some of them will actually have relevant personal experience and will want to share them. And even if they are not following the dominant line of discussion, they are not "irrational" and they certainly not off bloody topic.

I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this - if I have to explain this to you, it's seems blinking obvious that you're not going to understand.

Chipping I put no words into Shabba's mouth and would not dream of doing so. My words, my mouth.

I don't know whether Shabba has a problem with what you said. I, however, do have a problem with someone telling a bereaved mum to disregard information she was given about her son's death, on the basis that they both guess and believe it to be wrong.

Maybe that wasn't how you meant it to come over, but that is how it reads.

Shabba I was awake at 4 am thinking about the heartless people on this thread and wondering how you were feeling.
I can't stop thinking about your sons tragic accident and I PROMISE you that when my ds is old enough for a bike he will always wear a helmet.
You have suffered enormous loss, losing 2 sons....well there are no words.
But talking about it on here has made a dfference to people, and I will be telling all my friends about you and your sweet boys aswell.
Thankyou for sharing and again I am so bloody sorry.

Imiss thank you for your very kind words xx