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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my friend needs to think before she speaks

45 replies

JenLovesMIa · 02/09/2010 23:31

My daughter has eczema someimes quite bad pending on the weather.

The other day my friend said to me, its such a shame about her skin, it really ruins her.

Like wtf.

Having eczema does not change a child.

Severly narked now.

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 03/09/2010 09:34

This person would not be a friend of mine, particularly after your second post on how your DD brings hers down etc and she calls your DD a brat.

I am very non confrontational but if someone who I called a friend said things like this about my child, I would have to speak up.

She is a bitch. She pushes people away because she is a bitch and people won't put up with it. It isn't your problem. Dump her.

My DS has eczema and it doesn't 'ruin' him at all. You should have asked her what the hell she was on about with that stupid comment.

hmc · 03/09/2010 09:34

Ditch her - seriously!

emmab5 · 03/09/2010 10:15

Hi, I don't usually post in AIBU but I after reading your thread I felt I had to join the other posters in saying that this woman is not a 'friend' she's a 'TOTAL BITCH'.

You and your daughter sound lovely. I wonder if she is jealous of you or has such a low self esteem that she makes herself feel better by belittling others. Either way though - not your problem. She sounds toxic, ditch her asap.

FWIW my DD has always been a tomboy not at all girlie -that does not make her weird!

TakeLovingChances · 03/09/2010 10:16

You need to stop focussing so much on the feelings of this grown woman and instead focus on your little DD.

She must know that her comments are rude and unhelpful, tell her to eff off.

deakell · 03/09/2010 10:19

If you don't want to resort to petty insults in response (which I probably would have by the way) then actually tell her what a terrible thing it is that she's just said and how awful your DD would feel if she knew and how upset you are. That'll make her feel twice and should make her feel terribly bad.

Personally, I would show my anger and say "what the fuck do you mean" and then kick her in the shins and walk off.

deakell · 03/09/2010 10:20

Think twice rather

SixtyFootDoll · 03/09/2010 10:20

This friend is a 'drain', she makes herself feel better by making you feel bad.

You don't need her. THere's a reason she doesn't have friends.

I have dropped my 'drains' and now only have 'radiators' - friends who bring warmth into my life!!

deakell · 03/09/2010 10:24

Just read your second post.
Calling your DD a brat? WTF.

Get rid of this horrible woman sooner rather than later.

Your DD may start to pick up on her criticism ad rudeness.

This woman has no friends because she's so unfriendly perhaps?

jeee · 03/09/2010 10:27

if her DD was 4 in July presumably she's due to start school this month? This should make it very easy to avoid your "friend".

Plumm · 03/09/2010 10:46

She sounds awful. Drop her.

onthepier · 03/09/2010 11:49

I'd agree, drop her! She seems to have the same level of tact as somebody I used to see a lot of when my dc's were a similar age to yours. Just some examples of things she said:-

Your dd always looks so unwell, really pasty faced! (when she was having a spell of colds/chest infections/bad nights etc).

Your ds is around 15 months now isn't he? Crumbs when mine was that age he was walking around and chatting, not clinging to me!

The last straw was when I miscarried and my her response was just a shrug and "You should have been more careful!"

I remember many times feeling close to tears at her comments especially the miscarriage one, I'd done absolutely nothing that could have endangered the pregnancy!

She did seem confused when I stopped returning her calls though, plenty of comments such as "We must make an effort to keep in contact". Once her children and mine finished nursery and started different schools it was much easier to let the friendship lapse, we were no longer bumping into each other at pick-ups!

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 03/09/2010 11:55

I can't wait til dd starts dressing up in her brothers' costumes. I'm not sure what I'll do if she's a "princess" type, I'll have to throw her in the mud I suppose :o

She sounds vile, ignorant, self obsessed and very insecure. I really wouldn't waste my time wih someone like that, especially if she shouted at my dd and called her names

Distance yourself. Always be busy when she suggests something and don't offer an alternative time. Just keep walking. You and dd need people around you who are loving and caring.

Original poster

JenLovesMIa · 03/09/2010 12:14

Thank you everyone for your replies, I think I know what I have to do, Im going to start phasing her out.

Our friendship so to speak has actually made me want to put my DD in another school just to avoid her.

Onthepier- she is EXACTLY like your friend. I am currently pregnant and I dont know if I am being hormonal and sensitive, but recently the hospital told me there was no baby and that I had to go back in two weeks, to confirm, the only thing my friend said to me was, are you sure your pregnant and is it not in your head. That really upset me, she knows how hard we have been TTC.

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 03/09/2010 14:22

onthepier cannot believe that insensitive comment about your MC. What the hell is wrong with people. Glad you have got rid now though. With friends like that.....

OP sorry to hear about your recent loss. That comment from this 'friend' would have made me stop being friends with her without all the other stuff. She is going to end up a very sad and lonely old woman.

Good luck phasing her out and don't let her claw her way back in. She is vile.

coodles · 03/09/2010 18:09

She sounds a spiteful and nasty piece of work.

Protect your daughter (and yourself) and keep away from her ..hopefully you'll find nicer people to make friends with at school.

sorrento56 · 03/09/2010 18:11

You say she needs you. Do you need her?

No friend is better than one who is critical of your daughter.

FlorenceDaphne · 03/09/2010 18:19

This has really upset me. I have horrendously bad psoriasis (actually on massive doses of immunosuppressants at the moment to try to clear it up) and I like to think that people don't really mind. But obviously they do.

Ruined her. For god's sake.

ZZZenAgain · 03/09/2010 18:29

you are not just being hormonal. Honestly steer well clear of her, she is being so nasty about your dd and even to your dd. How can you put up with that? You don't have to phase her out, just drop the relationship.

Spacehopper5 · 03/09/2010 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wanderingsheep · 03/09/2010 18:38

She sounds awful. I definitely wouldn't want to be friends with her.

If your DD hears what she says she's going to destroy your DD's self confidence, which would be awful.

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