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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel embarrassed that..

25 replies

Shabbychiclover · 02/09/2010 14:53

I can't drive and have been learning for 21 months!.
I have had 2 babies in the space of 2 years(ds2 was born last month)and have gone through 3 instructors!The first two were awful.I'm now learning automatic with a good instructor.
Everyone in RL tells me how do I get by without driving.Just had sil and her partner around and they asked me what do I do all day and that it must be very restictive and dull to be 'stuck indoors all day long'.
I told them I go out for walks and get on the bus etc.
I'm not from this area-my family live 300 miles away so I guess it is very isolating.
Sil(35) and her dp(67) don't work as they're retired.They have what seems to be a wonderful lifestyle and they said that they feel sorry for me!
Everyone says not to give up etc but I'm even struggling with the theory test!I feel like a such a child..

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 02/09/2010 14:56

Don't feel under pressure to learn to drive if you don't want to. It is no one else's business and if you are happy with walking and public transport, then good for you.

How rude of them to say they feel sorry for you.

NewbeeMummy · 02/09/2010 15:00

Keep on in there, you're doing fantastically well.

Esp with 2 lo's

I worked with a girl who took 8 years to pass, so you're doing great in comparison :)

diddl · 02/09/2010 15:10

If you´re having to force yourself to do it then I would say that maybe you shouldn´t?

cumbria81 · 02/09/2010 15:14

It took me 2 years and seven tests so don't worry about it. I knew I'd get there in the end. And I did!

lifeas3plus1 · 02/09/2010 15:34

You could be me!

Lots of lessons, 3 instructors, 2 babies in 2 years, living 6 hours away from family and the comments off family and friends.

I'm one step closer now I've passed my theory (2nd time)

Baby is due in 2 weeks ish so all on hold for now.

I'm hoping like Cumbria I'll get there in the end.

Don't worry about it, and good luck with your new insstructor.

NestaFiesta · 02/09/2010 15:37

I'm 40 and can't drive. I'm so used to public transport and know all timetables and routes off by heart, After taking four years, two tests and two instructors, I realised I hated every second with a passion to the point of almost phobia and accepted myself as a non driver.

I am being kind to the environment and keeping myself and the children fit by walking a lot.

Many members of my family drive half a mile to a local shop-I think its such a waste!

Tell SIL and her DP you don't need sympathy, its cheaper, good for the environment and you don't miss what you've never had. Even getting cabs is way cheaper than running your own car!

JaneS · 02/09/2010 15:46

Your SIL sounds like a rude twat. Would she prefer it if you'd carried on with a bad instructor and turned into a bad driver? No, thought not.

How rude of her.

Ladyanonymous · 02/09/2010 15:49

At least you are doing something to try and improve and change your situation and get a driving licence - ignore anyone who knocks your efforts you sound like a fab mum who is doing her best

Much better than DD's friends mum (not a friend of mine) who constantly texts me asking me for lifts here there and everywhere because "its such a pain not being able to drive" .

Firawla · 02/09/2010 15:52

atleast you're learning! i have 2 young dc too and i have never even started or taken one single lesson, but doesn't mean you are stuck in the house i just go everywhere by walking, or public transport if further. i think your sil is a bit rude to keep on about it, but hopefully you will pass soon

compo · 02/09/2010 15:52

I don't drive and get sick of peome saying they don't know how I cope
there is a bus every twenty minutes from where I live into town fgs!

GiddyPickle · 02/09/2010 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wanderingsheep · 02/09/2010 16:01

Just ignore them!

I don't drive and I get by! There are buses and I walk everywhere. That's how I stay so super skinny (pfft!)

Don't be embarrassed, I know loads of people who take ages to learn or have to take a few test.

I'm not even learning so I think people find that weird. "You don't drive? Are you learning? What you're not learning? Ooh, you need to learn!" I'm a freak, lol!

Wanderingsheep · 02/09/2010 16:04

Btw, I having DC2 in February.

justonemorethen · 02/09/2010 16:12

I took ages to pass my test too. I was a rubbish learner driver mainly due to being told constantly how dangerous driving was (especially with a woman behind the wheel).

One of the things that helped me pass was a bloke I fancied needed lifts to the airport with his work.I booked a(4th) driving test, then a two week intensive course and passed.

My first trip out, I drove said bloke to the airport. I'd been thinking I'd take the back roads home not realising Luton airport doesn't have any! I had to drive his car (first time), down the A1 round the M25 and all at night!

On a training day at work we were taught about motivation. Apparently the best way to motivate someone to learn something they hate, is to have a person they want to learn it for. Perhaps your son will be that person?

wigglesrock · 02/09/2010 16:14

It took me 3 years in all, having dc in the middle of it, I took my test 5 times, passed on 5th attempt, agree with previous poster tests have changed so much - my sister passed her test 15 years ago at 17, you could do a u-turn in the street she had to do her 3 point turns in!!!

It costs so much money I had to borrow test fee off my parents (i'm 36!!). I have now been driving 18 months and I do appreciate it but I learned as a neccesity, we needed to move, and schools, town etc wasn't as handy. Although now being pregnant with dc3 life is easier driving I do miss walking as much and I hated every feckin minute of learning to drive. Good luck xx

ValiumSingleton · 02/09/2010 16:15

my story is more embarrassing.....

4plus1 · 02/09/2010 16:24

I passed my driving test 2 weeks before my provisional licence was due to expire! Yes id had it 10 years. I was still at uni when i first started and when i passed the test i was expecting dc number4.i went through 6 instructers in those 10 years. Think my biggest mistake was stoppping and starting. Just keep at it, believe me if i passed theres hope for anyone! I was used to buses and walking but i have to say passing my test 2 yrs ago was a life changer! Dont give up!

fernie3 · 02/09/2010 16:32

last time I tried my driving test I had 5 serious errors....I have had around 18 months of lessons plus around 6 months a few years ago. I am just not good as a driver.

3Trees · 02/09/2010 16:34

I felt like this I took AGES to learn to drive, but I eventually did it!

I HATED it. I drove for 6 weeks, felt lucky every time I didn't die, and just REALLY hated it.

Now we put the money we WOULD have spent on the car in a taxi / transport fund, and we can do everything anyone else can, it just takes a bit more thiought is all.

Original poster

Shabbychiclover · 02/09/2010 16:40

Congrats on dc2 for feb wanderingsheep!

Thankyou everyone for the helpful comments!
Good to know that I'm not the only mother who can't drive!!

Giddypickle-wow never knew it took that many hours for the average person to learn to drive.Want to show that to dp who tells me nobody takes such a long time as this and that I need to get on with it.He's been driving for nearly 20 yrs and doesn't understand people not driving!

Thanks again everyone smile]

OP posts:

Original poster

Shabbychiclover · 02/09/2010 16:40

OP posts:

Bumperlicious · 02/09/2010 16:45

5 years, 2 theory tests and two driving tests. I have never looked back since! Keep at it! Don't worry about feeling like a child but the freedom is amazing.

I do remember getting upset saying 'I've got 2 degrees, 4 A levels and straight A's at GCSE but even knobber drop outs from school can drive and I can't!'

NestaFiesta · 02/09/2010 16:45

I love Giddypickle's post and may well quote it at people, especially my parents. When my Dad passed his test in the sixties it was drive in a straight line then put the brakes on and bingo- you've passed. Dad can't understand it with me.

My mum thinks I haven't passed because I am "not very physically co-ordinated"- which makes not driving sound even more like a handicap.

I had 8 serious faults both times I sat my test and about 14 minors. 3Tress has a good point. The money saved by not driving is a lot. Most instructors recommend a 2 hour lesson and charge about £20 an hour. Times that by 67-100 and add the fees for theory tests and practical tests, tax, car insurance and fuel and its a king's ransom.

However, I thank all those previously nervous drivers saying don't give up. Lots of people have said it changes lives and I am bearing that in mind. Maybe I will try in secret one day, in an automatic.

Oh and Shabby, tell your SIL her pity is patronising and you don't need it thanks.

ValiumSingleton · 03/09/2010 12:26

nestafiesta, I got that from my friend's american boss. he had had a few conversations with me and then learnt I had failed my driving test a few times. It was literally beyond his comprehension how somebody who seemed to be compos mentes (?) could have failed it several times.

I haven't passed yet either. I'm not even going to say how many times I've failed it. It is an absolute RACKET I agree, I have spent thousands trying to pass and I haven't yet. I'm in a phase of NOT even trying right now though.

Bumper, that's what upsets me too, 17 year old boy racers who could do the crossword in the sun can pass the test...

ShrimpOnTheBarbie · 03/09/2010 12:34

I think that being scared of driving is a GOOD thing! Too many young people pass without thinking of the consequences and cause horrific accidents.

If you can learn to drive, great. But if you can't, it really is no-one else's concern. It is you that has to deal with the inconvenience of public transport.

I would stick with it, though. There is no prize for learning the fastest. And once you do feel confident and able to drive, it will give a new degree of freedom.

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