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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is DP? Leaving DS unattended for short periods

23 replies

lowrib · 02/09/2010 13:36

I came down this morning and found DS (21 months) eating breakfast in his high chair, unattended.

The two rooms are sort of open-plan, and DP was in the other bit of it IYSWIM. So not far away, but he couldn't actually see DS from where he was.

I said he shouldn't have left DS on his own at all - he could have choked, or pushed his way out of the chair, which isn't a great design and I think could tip if DS wriggled enough (although it never has).

DP says he was only away for a few seconds (I suspect a couple of minutes maybe) and I think he thinks I'm fussing.

Do you keep a constant watch on your DCs at this age when eating or in reality does life just get in the way?

FWIW we do eat together at most meals, but DP is not a breakfast person.

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:

TriplePachyderm · 02/09/2010 13:38

surely he would have heard him if he started having difficuty

what about if yoou have a newborn and need to change a nappy?

SauvignonBlanche · 02/09/2010 13:41

I wouldn't leave a child in a high chair but that's because I know a familiy who lost a child. The mum went to answer the phone and when she came back the child had wriggled out of the high chair and had hanged themselves in the reigns.
I told DH that story and we never did it.

paisleyleaf · 02/09/2010 13:44

People are quiet when they're choking.

But I don't know if YABU with it being open plan. People do answer the door/phone/empty the washing machine etc.

senseofhumourfailure · 02/09/2010 13:45

I have a 25 month old DD and will happily potter about tidying etc if she takes ages to eat but will be back and forward around her so would notice if something went wrong. We have a highchair that really is just a high chair though, no tray so she can climb up and down by herself so no risk of falling.

I don't think I'd have mentioned to my DH if he'd done what yours had though, although if he had left her to go for a bath or ssomething i'd be upset. I do sometimes have to nip for a quick wee and leave her at table then too.

What was your DP doing that makes you think he was away longer than he said?

thisisyesterday · 02/09/2010 13:46

i think it's fine

i leave ds3 sometimes, he is 15 months. he is very proficient at feeding himself and there are times when I have to get drinks etc for the other 2.

i think you're being overprotective

Original poster

lowrib · 02/09/2010 13:47

It's not totally open plan. It's two separate rooms, but there's a big hole in the wall between them IYSWIM.

Thanks for the replies, good food for thought.

SauvignonBlanche I'm sorry to hear about your friend's loss, that's awful.

OP posts:

NormalityBites · 02/09/2010 13:52

YABU

I would often be doing other things with DD in her high chair, when she had one. I was a single parent and would not drag a baby or toddler away from dinner to go to the loo or answer the door, it's madness. Most of the time I'd be there or thereabouts keeping a general eye on proceedings, but it never occurred to me to sit and watch her constantly, if I wasn't eating something myself. I'd have thought she'd have found that distracting or unnerving anyway.

Her high chair had no straps, reins or restraints and we never needed any, it sat right up to table. By 21 months she would usually be sat in a normal chair anyway.

If your highchair could tip I suggest you don't use it at all.

I can't say I've ever kept a constant watch on a baby or child when eating. Eating isn't some danger-fraught activity where you are required to hover. It's a several-times-daily, mundane necessity.

mumblechum · 02/09/2010 13:54

Agree with Normality.

blueshoes · 02/09/2010 14:00

You are fussing.

He wasn't even far away.

Once you have more than one child, it is par for the course.

Sassybeast · 02/09/2010 14:02

YANBU if he was watching TV, surfing the net or was otherwise engrossed in something else. YABU if he was tidying up, pottering around etc.

ModreB · 02/09/2010 14:46

YAB a bit U, but I can see where you are coming from. When my DC's were high chair size (Long time ago ) we had a high chair that you could take apart and turn into a little table and chair when they were eating on their own, have a look at this just like mine. It was also really handy when they wanted to paint, play with stuff that I didnt want on the "big" table, eg glue and glitter

AvrilHeytch · 02/09/2010 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ladyanonymous · 02/09/2010 15:01

Once you have had your second/third/etc child you will think back to this thread and laugh ....

YABVU....

QS · 02/09/2010 15:02

Ds2 was 12 months old when he wriggled out of highchair, and fell down, breaking his wrist in the process.

I had my back turned, was standing 2 meters away. Looking in shock and horro at the burst mains pipe in the back garden, and the foundations to our conservatory filling up like a swimming pool. You never know what will take your attention away from your lo.

whoneedssleepanyway · 02/09/2010 15:38

My DD2 fell out of the highchair last weekend when I was in the kitchen with her, I literally walked across the room to the sink and in that time she had stood up and fallen over the back of it....so it doesn't even matter if you are in the room.

I do leave 1 year old DD2 downstairs and nip upstairs to get things etc, i would never get anything done otherwise. Do what you feel comfortable with though.

choufleur · 02/09/2010 15:41

YABU. Children don't need watching every second.

What are you going to do if you have another one and they both need something at the same time?

mayorquimby · 02/09/2010 15:49

yabu otherwise your logic could be applied to someone who has their back to the child for an equal amount of time in the exact same room

EricNorthmansmistress · 02/09/2010 16:01

YABU, but it's probably better to have them in a low chair with no restraints as they could potentially injure themselves in a highchair.

Oblomov · 02/09/2010 16:17

I think its fine. Ds2 is 22 months and i potter in and out of the kitchen into the dinning room all the time. putting kettle on, getting him a youghurt etc.

LadyBiscuit · 02/09/2010 16:22

Surely don't have a highchair that could tip/strangle/whatever? It's supposed to protect children, not be a death trap. Get an Antilop if your child is going to fall out or be able to tip themselves over

YABU IMO - I'm a single parent (as I'm sure everyone's bored of me saying) and I have to do stuff the whole time when my DS is eating.

massivemammaries · 02/09/2010 16:23

It is absolutely fine, don't stress

Original poster

lowrib · 02/09/2010 16:31

"If your highchair could tip I suggest you don't use it at all." Yes, you're right, this is probably the crux of the matter.

He was on the computer, I have no idea how important what he was doing was.

OP posts:

sapphireblue · 02/09/2010 17:21

Agree with ladyanonymous. DD1 was 23 months when DD2 was born and there's no way I could have watched her chew and swallow every mouthful whilst dealing with a newborn (she is a slow eater and can easily spend an hour eating her lunch). If you are worried about highchair escape then get a toddler size table and chair (ours was £20 from Ikea).

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