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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told dtwin 1(6) that I'll be selling his Star Wars Lego to pay for his library book if he doesn't find it?

21 replies

MilaMae · 01/09/2010 21:18

Dtwin 1 tunes out big time.Today I told him 5 times to clear up his Lego off the floor-nothinguntil I revved up the hoover and told him anything on the floor was going up the hoover.Only then was it picked up in a flash.

He looses everything then wanders round hair twiddling when he's supposed to be looking.

This evening he lost his library book,just wandered round aimlessly in between playing when I told him to find it. Finally I saw red,ranted(a lot ) and told him I'd be selling his Lego which I put in a box to pay for it if he diodn't find it.I also said he'd have to apologise to the librarian. He was then broken hearted and had his twin,sister and dad frantically looking(he still aimlessly hair twiddling in between sobs) with me doing a bit more ranting.

He's 7 in 4 weeks,Year 2 tomorrow and I've had enough but I feel sooooooo crap and horrible.Dp says the Lego thing was mean.But being horrid is the only thing he'll listen to as he just doesn't care re lost items.

Disclaimer-dp is very similar.Soooooo was I mean or has anybody else resorted to similar??? I gave him a big cuddle before bed and said if I saw some proper looking we'd find it and not have to resort to selling. Feeling really awful as he's going back to school tomorrow and would have liked a stress free bedtime.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 01/09/2010 21:24

I don't know, there is no reason to believe that you won't be able to find it with a good tidy up. So if you help him look (maybe he doesn't really know how to look/where to start/finds it a bit overwhelming) then you should find it and no selling of lego will be necessary. But the threat will probably stick in his mind. Make the hunt a big thing, maybe you could draw a plan of the house and he could help you decide where to look first, what to look under etc.

Then remind him that he needs to keep track of things if he doesn't want to lose them, and that he needs to take EXTRA care of things which don't belong to him, because if he loses them then they need to be replaced, and that costs money.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/09/2010 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DomesticG0ddess · 01/09/2010 21:28

Good advice from Bertie. I think it was mean re: the Lego though - I lost one of DS's library books for months (can't blame him, he's 3) and I'm a grown up. I think you know you were mean though, and just lost it momentarily which is understandable.

Original poster

MilaMae · 01/09/2010 21:48

God knows what exactly it is-it's all white, grey and black and hurts my feet when I tread on it.

The thing is he tunes out every single time he has to do anything he doesn't want to do-school work,tidying up,looking for things.He's a bright boy and nearly 7. His twin and younger sister don't loose everything and at least try to look/tidy up.Whatever I say if I'm nice and reasonable he ignores,the only thing he responds to is a serious threat.

If I hadn't threatened the Lego he just wouldn't have bothered.Just don't know what else to do. He just needs to get off his backside like the others do.Don't feel it's fair that they have to do as they're told and he thinks he can just drift along when he chooses.

Worried he's going to be scarred for life though ,he'll be recalling this to his kids in years to come

OP posts:

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/09/2010 21:59

I suspect I would have done something similar when mine were that age - now they are teenagers with paper rounds, they have more disposable income than I do, so would just have to cough up the money.

Maybe next time you could threaten that the star wars lego goes in the loft until the library book turns up, and he does chores around the house to earn the cost of the book if it does have to be replaced?

I'm sure he won't be scarred for life either. When ds2 and ds3 were about 6 and 8, dh came home one day to find me in their room in full on rant mode, stuffing everything from the floor into black bin bags whilst both boys sobbed and begged for mercy for their toys - I had finally lost the plot with the state of their bedroom, and this was the result. If I remember right, dh took me downstairs and made me a drink, then he went back upstairs and supervised a proper tidy up. Both boys have grown up into reasonably well-adjusted and happy teenagers, and still love me - though their bedrooms are still pigsties.

Original poster

MilaMae · 01/09/2010 22:06

Oh Staying that's made me feel a whole lot better,will stop snivelling now thanks

OP posts:

Cretaceous · 01/09/2010 22:07

SDTG

I had a big rant today about my DS's library book being overdue and him owing a large fine. He's 11 so really should know better. I nagged him to log in online and renew the book.

Fortunately, he discovered he'd already renewed it before the holiday, but had forgotten , so he didn't owe anything. Unfortunately, he then logged into my account, and discovered I hadn't renewed mine, and owed £3.80 on two magazines . And now I can't find them!!!

So I sympathise with your DS, but I think he'll have forgotten about it almost immediately, so I wouldn't worry.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/09/2010 22:18

Mila - I'm glad it helped. Now go and have a nice cup of tea/glass of gin/wine/bar square of chocolate, and relax for a while - you deserve it.

ChippingIn · 01/09/2010 22:38

MM no it's not mean. He needs to learn to listen and to take responsibility for his things etc.

The only thing I would say is that you shouldn't ever threaten anything you aren't prepared to do. If you were prepared to do it, fair enough. If not, think of another 'consequence' for next time - and there will be one!

wineandroses · 01/09/2010 23:45

I think yabu. He's 6 ffs. I think you were mean. Some kids at this age are a bit spacey. I find that my dd is much more focused than nephew of same age. Also have 2 nieces; one is very organised and the other drives everyone mad as always losing stuff, getting lost, forgetting things. She is also very kind and creative. All kids have their good points. Concentrate on his and stop over reacting.

ChippingIn · 01/09/2010 23:49

Yes wineandroses, he's 6 FFS, old enough to look for and find a library book!!

wineandroses · 02/09/2010 00:25

Yes chippingin - 6! He is still a baby. No doubt he can find a book though doubt he really understands what a disaster it is to lose one. I too get a bit cross if DD aged 5 loses things but I don't make mean threats to sell her toys.

ChippingIn · 02/09/2010 00:33

6 is not a baby

No one said it was a disaster - he was simply asked to look for it and couldn't be bothered until he was given an incentive to do so.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 02/09/2010 00:41

Nearly 7 is old enough to start taking a bit of responsibility, and old enough to learn to focus when it is needed. He's also old enough to know that there are consequences - if you lose a libary book, you have to pay for it. And I get the impression that the op is not just reacting to this one incident, but this was the final straw. I think you are being a bit harsh, wineandroses.

wineandroses · 02/09/2010 00:41

I think 6 is still a baby. If the incentive is the threat of toys being sold I think that is very OTT (and mean). Anyway, off to bed so good night all.

Bigpants1 · 02/09/2010 00:51

Hes only 6-can you help him find it? I too, find it frustrating when my dc misplace things, but, I know its inevitable with the younger ones. Some dc are flaky and disorganised, and need pratical help to keep their belongings together.
Could you suggest a place where he can put future library books,each time hes had a read of them.
In the morning, reassure him that you wont sell his lego, and that youll look together for the book.
Our library does not charge for dc books under the age of 12yrs if theyre late.
You can ring the library and give them your ds name, and they will have all the books listed that he has out just now. Just ask for them to be renewed-you neednt say you cant find it, and then youll have another 4wks to look for it!!

pigsinmud · 02/09/2010 00:51

Er .....he's male, don't they all wander around aimlessly when they're looking for something!

It seems a bit harsh to threaten to sell his toys. Of course he can look for his book, but perhaps you could have helped him or directed his searching. However he won't be scarred for life, so don't worry.

LucyLouLou · 02/09/2010 01:00

Lego is taking a bit of a bashing on MN lately isn't it ? I probably would've gone with the suggestion of telling him I'd pack it away if he didn't help look for the book, I don't think I'd have gone quite as far as telling him I'd sell it, but I also don't think he'll be scarred for life because of what you said!

carebear321 · 02/09/2010 01:09

YANBU He needs to start taking responsibilty at some point. Unless they're taught otherwise, kids take everything for granted. He'll be fine.

Goblinchild · 02/09/2010 01:27

Does he have a system, implemented by you, of everything having a correct place to be?
Including library books having a 'home' base?
Threats by a crazed mother fed up with lego and vagueness are quite normal, if OTT.

prozacfairy · 02/09/2010 07:25

YANBU but only because I tell DD (aged 3 in 2 weeks time) that if she doesn't pick her toys up off the floor I'll give anything left lying on the floor to the children's ward at the hospital. Because I'm sure they would take much better care of DD's fairy collection and wouldn't leave it all over the floor...

6 isn't a baby, yeah ok I can sympathise with your DS as I'm always losing stuff too, but he's old enough to look for the lost item himself.

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