to think my friend is probably phasing me out?

[Mammie81]

She moved to an area a little way away, probably about 10 - 15 mins drive, about 3 years ago. At first we all made the effort to go visit, she would come into our area to see us, it was give and take. We were very close then, I was her bridesmaid.

Since then however, she has had a baby, and I remained single while all our other close friends had kids. This never really bothered me, but I think subconsciously it did her (and the others too probably) as she seemed to feel I didnt like children. Thats untrue btw, I just wanted to find the right man! We've seen less and less of each other and she has gravitated towards new friends with children of their own.

I am now pregnant (6 months) and thought she would warm to me seeing that I was now in her situation. And at first that was true, she asked me how I was etc, promised me books she had and advice. But since then Ive text her a few times asking to meet up, offering to do her dinner at my place, cinema, coffee etc and always am met with either a blank, a short 'cant make it' and never an offer of an alternative. Ive even still got her little ones birthday present from last month to give her and she knows it. Ive also seen on FB that shes very keen to meet up with a joint friend of ours who is also as pregnant as me (who I actually thought she didnt like - as she has mentioned before that she's flighty, not going to settle down, 'crazy' etc) Im sure she must have said the same of me to that friend!

I'd just like some outsiders view. Its the end isnt it?

I definately wasnt out hunting for a man [grimace] I was single for over 2 years and spent most of that time with all of my friends, the ones with kids just as much.

And I always made the effor to see her, going to her neck of the woods, offering ideas for things to do with her LO, I went to Slimming World with her, in fact I was probably much more hands on with her LO than some of the joint friends she see's alot now.

My DP organises events and shes been to lots of them since shes had her DD, so I dont think its that Im 'around' now that Im pregnant. This is probably in the last year that its tailed off, her DD is 2

In that case, dont text. Pick up the phone and call her.

Ask her outright "Pam, when is it ok that I come and see you? I havent seen you in a while, and would like to meet up. Name the day"

And see what she says.

It sounds like she either busy or has forgotten to text back etc, but either way shes making no effort.

Sometimes I do this if things are very hectic, then catch myself, and make a huge effort with my friend. She is the same if she is busy in work. But we both recognise this and dont see it as the cooling off of our friendship.

It does sound like you're making all the running, so maybe just cool off on her, and make effort with some other friends.

If we're allowed to be childish , I'd make sure arrangements are on facebook too. Hmmm, possibly too childish...
Just wait til you have your lovely baby and shes not part of all the fuss and excitement a newborn generally brings with it.
Dont let it get you down

I had someone who i thought was a good friend do this to me, she didn't contact me and I felt I was doing all the running.

In the end we met up and I just said "I'll wait for you to contact me next time" - she didn't contact me for 4 months -we live 5 minutes away.

In the end, I had to have an operation and I felt I didn't even want to contact her then to let her know. In the end, I emailed and she put a Get Well Soon card through the door.

Haven't seen her now for 7 months, tho she's just emailed to ask if I want to meet for a coffee - I was upset at first at her not contacting me, but think I've moved on now, and I think you need to look for other friends who will be there for you and actually want to see you!

I don't always see friends often, it doesn't mean I don't care about them. I am also used to not hearing from friends for a while if they are busy, it doesn't mean we aren't still good friends.

It sounds like she is perhaps not that bothered then, which is upsetting if she is good friends with your mutual friends. Perhaps something has been said behind your back, by someone else, something misunderstood, iyswim. You could try once more by phone - and ask her directly if you have upset her somehow.

Otherwise, don't worry about it, you are obviously a caring person and you'll meet loads of new people when you have your baby.

Weirdly, there is one girl from our group I didnt see at all when she got pregnant. She totally changed and became very homely and she'd often lie about not being in when we offered to come over and see her. Looking back now I think she was just very scared at the prospect of being a new mum, and rejected everyone she knew but at the time I didnt really understand and just thought she wanted to end our friendship. We didnt talk for years.

And yet of everyone, shge has been in touch again which I think is great. Ive really missed her.

Funny isnt it! It does prove that your real friends come out when you need them!

A lot of it is to do with timing and circumstance and who fits at the time. You'll find your new baby friends will be invaluble at the beginning.