to worry about my family smoking around my future children?

[Notyetamummy]

This is currently a non-issue as I don't yet have children, but I plan to and it is something that I worry about.

I am the only member of my family, above the age of 12 that does not smoke.

I work in hospitals and regularly see patients suffering from the effects of smoking.

Not only at work, but my Aunt (52) is dying from COPD, my brother (21) has severe asthma and has spent time on ITU and my father has signs of peripheral vascular disease - all of them refuse to give up smoking.

Most of my family don't understand the smoking ban. My Nana is very cross that she can no longer have a coffee and a cigarette in Morrison's cafe. No-one gives up smoking when they are pregnant, they all smoke indoors and if you don't like it you have to leave.

I love my family and always look forward to family occasions when my large extended family piles into a small house and we have great fun.

The problem is, with so much chain smoking, I and my DH (who comes from a family where no-one smokes), find it difficult to breathe easily and always come away with sore throats. It breaks my heart to see all of my young cousins running around in the fog.

The issue is that I know (I discuss smoking with my family members a lot)that most of my family members would smoke around me if I was pregnant or around mine and DH's future children regardless of our objections. Even if we were in the back garden (which is difficult in the winter i.e Christmas) there are so many people smoking that it stinks. Non of them will acknowledge the health risks. My uncle said a few weeks ago, that he couldn't wait until my 5 year old cousin was older so he could nick fags off her.

We are a close family and see each other often and I really love my family and feel I have gained so much from having them as a family.

So basically, DH and I either will have to put up with our future DCs being around alot of smoke or have them not see their family. Even my parents (Dad & gf, Mum & step-dad) would smoke around them. My father still will smoke in the car when I am in the car with him even if I object.

What would you do?

Difficult. I think you will find it hard TBH. I have a friend who smokes in her kitchen or the living room if the windows are open and the DCs are all out in the garden. I am a smoker but it makes me twitch when she does this even if it's only her DCs there and not mine! And she is exposing them to minimal amounts of smoke. I can't bear being in a room with several smokers and no windows open myself, the thought of my DS being around that much smoking is horrible.

I think you are going to have to beg basically. Put it in terms of 'I know you think we're over the top, but could you please humour us and only smoke in the kitchen? We won't be able to relax if you smoke in the living room' and it will be true. You won't be giving your DCs the lovely memories you want to if you are constantly on edge and resentful about the smoking, which I can guarantee you will be. YANBU to take them to see your family though.

You cant dictate where they smoke in their own house and so I think you have no choice like others have said but to invite them to yours and insist on them not smoking in the house right from day one. I also wouldnt allow anyone who'd recently had a fag to hold my child - health risks aside I hate it when babies smell of stale fags.

As for christmas etc, very difficult. Only you can decide that.

There is also the risk of your dc also smoking themselves in future if they see it as expected and normal.