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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if I did the right thing?

15 replies

Mishy1234 · 30/08/2010 17:56

I was out shopping today with DS2 (12 wks) and went into a parenting room to feed him. It was quite busy there and there was girl there with her 4 wk old DD and her mum. The baby was very unsettled and she spent ages trying to settle her but she looked exhausted. Eventually her mum took the baby at which point the crying started again.

I just really felt for her, even more so when she was obviously upset and started crying. It was hard to see her in such distress, so as I was leaving I went over and said I was in her position not many weeks ago and it did get better and that I thought her daughter was gorgeous.

At that point I left, but have since wondered if I should just have left well enough alone and maybe that a perfect stranger coming over when you're upset would have been embarrassing and unwelcome.

Feeling a but bad now and wondering if I should just have left her to it as everyone else did and kept my nose out.

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 30/08/2010 17:57

You did nothing wrong. Hopefully she will have appreciated what you said.

pozzled · 30/08/2010 17:59

I think you did exactly the right thing, and would not have been embarassed by something like that. Why are you doubting yourself- how did she react?

FetchezLaVache · 30/08/2010 17:59

In that position I would have really appreciated what you said- it was just neutral and supportive, it's not as if you started issuing orders to her or giving unsollicited advice!

ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 18:00

I think what you did was lovely, if you'd just ignored her she would probably have felt you were judging her... but now she knows you weren't - what's not to like about that??

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 30/08/2010 18:01

She was really very upset and couldn't really talk. I'm just wondering if with her mum there it would have just been better to leave her to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mishy1234 · 30/08/2010 18:06

Also, nobody else did anything and going over like that might have felt intrusive. I guess I'm just hoping she didn't feel I drew attention to her and was a stranger putting my nose where it wasn't welcome. It's so hard at that early stage without feeling everyone is watching you and thinking you aren't coping.

OP posts:
mankymummymoo · 30/08/2010 18:16

Sometimes all you need is someone to tell you things will get better.

I think it was a really nice thing to do.

TheOldestCat · 30/08/2010 18:17

It was lovely of you - I know I would have appreciated someone saying something like that to me. I'm sure she now feels like she's not alone (and it WILL get better).

plantsitter · 30/08/2010 18:22

Somebody did something similar to me at that stage, and I really appreciated it. Just knowing other people have felt the same makes you feel a bit less rubbish, I think.

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 30/08/2010 18:25

OK, thanks for the replies. Fingers crossed she felt ok about me going over.

Hopefully she's feeling better, the wee one went to sleep and she managed to get the break (and piece of cake!) she needed.

OP posts:
DetectivePotato · 30/08/2010 18:39

I would have really appreciated that. Its good to know that you are not the only one feeling the way you do.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 30/08/2010 18:43

Just because the woman seemed upset after you said what you said doesn't mean she didn't appreciate it. If I'd been in her position, you'd probably have reduced me to tears, simply because I'd have been unable to articulate my gratitude.

My grammar is crap but I definately think you did the right thing, too.

Firawla · 30/08/2010 18:49

no i think it was right what you did, would not have felt nice for that mum everyone just seeing her baby upset and not saying anything as she may then have been feeling that people are thinking bad of her, why is her baby crying she cant look after her or something like that, but your comments were nice so im sure she wouldnt have been upset by that, just upset with situation + tired?

DiamondsRaGirlsBestfriend · 30/08/2010 18:55

I think you did the right thing. I remember an awful awful day I was having with my DD - she was about 5wks old and nothing I did that day would stop her screaming- oh the joys of colic!. The door went and it was the postman (I answered it also crying a little bit) . He told me he had a baby 6months older and it would all get easier! It was such a relief to hear someone say that. Those kind words made my day (although I think she continued to scream for most of it!)

What used to drive me crazy and annoy the hell out of me is complete strangers being 'helpful' and telling me what was 'wrong' ('Oh she's too hot/cold/hungry/tired/etc....')

Marjee · 30/08/2010 19:14

I bet all the other people there wanted to say something like that but didn't dare, she'll probably look back when her dd is older and remember the lovely woman who told her things would get better

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