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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

settle a disagreement please

22 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 10:58

DS2 has a toy kitchen and has tipped chocolate milk, noodles, and butter all over it.

So I have given him a bowl of water and a cloth and shown him how to clean it. DP thinks this is too much for him...AIBU to say he needs to learn now if he makes a mess of something he needs to clean it up.

He is going to be 3 on 18th September.

OP posts:

PaulineCampbellJones · 30/08/2010 11:01

He will probably have just as much fun doing the cleaning as the messing up! No harm in it, my nieces used to love wiping up from being really tiny.

Desperatelyseekinginspiration · 30/08/2010 11:01

Don't think you are BU, but you'll probably have to re-clean.

Wait till he's out of the room so he feels he's done it himself.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 11:06

i am surprised at how good a job he is doing tbh lol.

He loves cleaning and when i get the hoover out will sob until "Me have a go now mummmmmyyyyyyyyyy"

oh dear i remember it all changes

OP posts:

Desperatelyseekinginspiration · 30/08/2010 11:11

I try and get my just turned 2 dd to tidy up her toys. She does but then at the very end will tip the box out again. She obviously thinks this is the game .

looneytune · 30/08/2010 11:16

Goodness, no harm at all. My ds2 has been wiping things clean since he was 1. Admittedly probably due to me being a childminder with lots of toddler girls to look after who love to 'clean' things . But no doubt your ds will think it's playing anyway. As long as it's not been a big telling off with 'you will wipe that clean NOW' type thing, I think you were right to get him to clean up :)

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 11:29

oh i didn't tell him off and when DP is not here he helps me with all sorts. He loves loading the washing machine and dryer, flooding washing the floor, messing making the beds, and hindering helping me cook. But DP thinks I should do it all for him - errr noooooooooooooooooooo

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 30/08/2010 11:32

YANBU, why not get them to learn that when they make a mess, they clean it up. The sooner the better IMO.

My friend at school was 16 and her mum still use to deliver her breakfast to her in the mornings, followed by tea and toast and she used to pack her school bag too.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 11:37

Detective WOW indulged or what lol

now how to get DS1 to help just as much - any ideas?

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 30/08/2010 11:38

Definitely have him helping out - but yes you will almost certainly have to re-clean if you want it to actually be clean.

ShinyAndNew · 30/08/2010 11:40

dd2 dyed her toy kitchen and part of the dining room purple (with hair dye) yesterday afternoon while I was cooking the dinner and DH was meant to be watching them.

She asked for water to clean it up before DH noticed what she had done. YANBU.

Now does anyone how you about removing hair dye from finished wood tables?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 11:40

Trill hehe it makes him so proud when he has cleaned something. He just spoke to my mum who is on holiday and was so pleased when he told her he cleaned the cooker.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 11:44

Shiny YES mix some baking soda and vinegar or peroxide. It turns into a paste and with a towel and plenty of elbow grease rub it and it should come off. I prefer using vinegar and baking soda.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 30/08/2010 11:52

I'm trying to see where your DP is coming from, and it would be a bit mean if the cleaning were branded as a punishment for a 3-yr-old, but it's not, it's a continuation of the game he was playing (play cooking in kitchen, play cleaning in kitchen). Your DP needs to remember that there are lots of things that children enjoy doing that he might not find fun himself.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 12:05

Trill, i am trying to figure it out myself tbh. I am wondering if it is because his ex pandered to their dc's every whim. And this is all he knows.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 30/08/2010 12:09

If he wants to follow your children around picking up their socks until they are in their 20s then he can do that. Much better for their future happiness to teach them how to be independent people.

You have two boys, don't you? As a girl at university I would never have considered dating someone who didn't know how to feed themselves or who took their washing back to their mum. Explain that you are helping the 3 yr old to turn into a girl-magnet when he is older!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 30/08/2010 12:13

Right, in which case he can bloody do this stuff for his children himself. I have no patience for men who think their wives should do X, Y, Z, and don't do the same.

Anyway, I'm evangelical about getting children to help out as early as possible, i think it makes them feel proud and like they're real memmbers of the family. At that age all they want to do is learn how to be grownups, so pandering to them too much is stopping them learning. 3 is definitely old enough to help clean, and it sounds like you involve him in loads of those tasks, so why should this one be any different?

As Trillian says, it's part of the game! We cook in our kitchen, then we clean up the kitchen, that's the job, that's the game.

CupcakesHay · 30/08/2010 12:17

Brilli dea- agree kids need to learn, and at the end of the day, you prob will need to clean a bit of it - but so what! Hardly like you've got him cleaning whole house of something!

sorrento56 · 30/08/2010 12:20

YANBU. I would enjoy it while it lasts as two of mine used to love to do household jobs when they were small but now they won't do a thing.

womblingfree · 30/08/2010 12:23

Yanbu! I've done the same with dd since was tiny. She's nearly 6 now and chronically untidy, but loves washing and polishing!

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2010 13:21

Trill he does when he is here I will leave the hovel toys etc until the DC are in bed but DP will follow DS2 around and pick up after him.

OP posts:

cumfy · 30/08/2010 14:26

Sounds like DP is getting skittish!

18 months time DS will be outcleaning him :o:o

zipzap · 30/08/2010 17:26

But make sure he realises that it's not something he should normally do - ds1 loved cleaning things up when he was little (still does and he's only 5) to the point that I would discover a big mess that he would have created just so he could clean it all up ...

which to be fair he usually did

but then sometimes he would get tired or something would happen so it wouldn't get cleaned up and muggins was left with it.

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