to not understand what all the fuss is about ?

[Desperatelyseekinginspiration]

DH had a serious accident 9 weeks ago followed by a serious set back. MIL and FIL moved in for 3 weeks to help. Very helpful despite at times being a bit difficult.

Since then they've been back about every two weeks and SIL drops in for the day when they're here.

All of this has been hard but understandable. Thing is PIL have obviously been worrying about DH not going out. He has been out a few times, but it takes so much out of him that he's just not that keen.

Every conversation now is about him leaving the house. FIL tried to get us all to drive 2:30 hrs to spend weekend with them. It's driving DH mad and irritating me as well.

Yesterday SIL text to ask if we wanted to come spend the day with them. Sit in her garden. DH text back, we're all sick (bad colds), so no thanks. Was a bit sarcy and called her Dad. She text back that they are worried about him. He pointed out that he can sit in his own garden if he needs to.

AIBU
to think someone who's been through all that trauma and is still in quite a lot of pain is entitled to stay home if he wants to.

to think I have enough on my plate looking after dd, DH, working extra hours to pay for the extra childcare costs as DH can't do his bit anymore and all the housework to not want to have to deal with constant nagging as well.

to wish they'd just for once treat us like the adults that we are. Capable of looking after ourselves.

Sorry to hear about your DH :( Is it a good prognosis for him making a 100% recovery??

It is very hard!

Has he any physical scars from the accident? Do you think they might be worried that he will become a bit of a recluse??

TRY to understand, that even though it is seriously annoying, it's coming from love..

Why not try talking to them to see if they can put into words what they are worrying about exactly.

I expect they're worried you are both depressed. Try to ride it out - you have ALL been through a horrible time.

Yes, very good prognosis. He has a shattered leg held together with pins. Other broken bones have already healed quite well, but the leg will take a while.

I know they worry about him and that's understandable. I've even talked to his mum about why he doesn't want to go out.

When he has done, it hurts so much afterwards he ends up back on the codiene.

I don't understand why they can't understand this and keep pushing.

I know you know they worry, but do you know what it is exactly they are worried about right now?

I would phone her and ask why they are so concerned with him getting out of the house - see what she says. If it's just a 'oh it's not good for him not to get out' then explain to her again that he isn't recovered enough yet and it's too painful. On the other hand if she says they are worried that he's (and you??) seem depressed/anxious/whatever - maybe you need to at least think about what she's saying.

Once you have spoken to her and thought it through - then tell her that you don't want to discuss it anymore and that it's adding stress to an already stressful situation and if she wants to help she can do X.

But just to add - if they think driving 2.30 hours with a shattered leg is a good idea - maybe they are a bit barking and just need to be told to butt out!!

Chipping, will take this on board and have another chat with MIL.

For what it's worth he doesn't seem depressed or even bored to me. He's a bit of a Geek Gamer anyway so is quite happy sat playing WOW most days. Think this is what they find so hard to accept as they are quite outgoing types.
But he has always been like this .

Tell them quite firmly that your DH will go out in his own time, when he is not going to be wracked with pain because of it and you would rather they let him go at his own pace as you all have enough to deal with at the moment. Or get him to say it.

Glad to hear he's on the mend.

I do think it's worth making contact with your ILs and asking directly why they feel it is so important - not in a combative way, just be honest and ask them to explain their reasons, as Chipping said.

They are more likely to back off if they feel like their concerns have been listened to, and more likely to be accepting if you can then respond to those concerns.