to want to move

[MuffinsMummy]

I have posted on here about my relationship before but am using my phone so can't do a link.

Basically DH hasn't had a proper job since we married just over 2 years ago and doesn't want one. He goes to the pub everyday and contributes very little/nothing to the flat.

We have been arguing a lot lately with me saying some quite nasty things to him and so have now decided to end the relationship. He has been staying at a friends for nearly a week and has now decided to move out. He has said I can stay in the flat for as long as I want.

The problem is I hate being here! When I am out I don't feel too bad but as soon as I get home I feel really down. I'm crying at little things I feel really angry and want to hurt DH so have been texting things that aren't very nice.

I have told him I want to move back to the area I grew up as it's where my parents and bf live. It's not that far from where we are now, about 15-20 min drive. I think that I would be happier there because here I feel like my life is on hold!

He thinks that I should stay where I am because he can still help with school run, MIL can help with DD2 and DD1 is settled in school and isn't very good with change. He also said that he wouldn't be able to see DC as much.

I just feel so confused I really don't know what I should do! It doesn't help that DD3 is only 2 weeks old and DD2 has started taking her nappy off and weeing on the floor!

Sorry for the essay of a post!

I think the first thing you should do is stop texting. Sort things out face to face. Don't assume that your life will suddenly improve just because you move back to your home town. YANBU to want to, YABU if you think it will solve all your problems.

i would say go where you have the support you need. 15-20 mins away isnt that far and when he gets a job he wont be around to do school run anyway and your relationship with mil may break down...

Perhaps chat to your midwife/health visitor too as your hormones will be all to pot and they may be able to help.... In the meantime get out as much as is possible, rest when you can and start making small positive plans/goals for yourself!

Good luck, big hugs xxx

oh and i've heard that parcel tape arounnd top of nappies will deter the strip! Just need to cut her out each nappy change...

I have barely got the motivation to get out of bed! The flat is a mess and I feel like I'm not coping with the kids very well!

When I'm not at home I feel a lot more positive and that's part of the reason I feel moving would help.

MIL is very good with me and DC so I would be surprised if we ever stopped speaking. I know she would never stop seeing DC.

Thank you for the replys

She says she doesn't like wearing nappies but when I ask if she will tell me when she needs to wee she says no so nappies it is I think!

hi, sorry i dont know your back story, but, if your not happy then your dc will pick up on that. you need to go where you have support for you not just support for the dc, you will have support where you grew up in terms of friends and family. also children can adapt easily, she may be settled in her school right now, but in 2 months time she will be settled in her new school.

i moved from the bristol area to the birmingham area for my dh's work, i thought it would eb ok, we'd settle in and get on with life. my IL werent far away and on paper every thing was the same. but i hated it, i mean really HATED it. i would get home and cry because i hated the house, i hated the area and i missed my friends and family.

10 months after moving in i broke down in tears, told dh i couldnt do it any more i wanted to move back to where i had grown up, he didnt fully understand the reasons, but he accepted that things needed to change.

we didnt move to the bristol area as dh is still working in birmingham but we moved to the gloucestershire area which is right in the middle of bristol and birmingham and i am so much happier. the house is nicer and i've stopped crying all the time.

the house is a happier place and i'm a happier person. so my advice would be if you feel that you need to move to be happier, do it. it was the best thing i ever did!

You need to think about you and your kids, he sounds like a knob and youre better off out of it. Its a 15 minute drive for gods sake, its hardly the back of beyond. Start thinking about doing whats best for you and the children, and dont let him dictate anything to you, and if hes in the pub everyday rather than out job hunting to support his kids then its not like hes doing the afternoon school run anyway

I'm on maternity leave at the moment but when I was working he picked DD1 up from school 3 days a week for me. He is in the pub everyday and he normally has about 3-4 pints I think sometimes more but not on days he picked DD up.

I have known him for 13 years been a couple for 3 and he actually drinks less now than he did before. He says he drank when we got together and me getting annoyed is unfair as it is me trying to change him. I think drinking isn't who he is but what he does so don't see it like that. Plus I keep telling him if he had a job the drinking wouldn't be such a big deal!