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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I probably am BU but would still like some other opinions lol.

23 replies

insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 08:35

There is a christening in DH's family next month. I am working so will only be able to go to the party bit. DH doesn't want to go full stop as he does not like the father of the child being christened! TBH neither do I but I just keep out of his way and seeing as DH's family are pretty much fantastic on a whole I can see the day being a good one.

I could see MIL was quite upset when DH said he wont go as obviously she would like the DD's there. I asked her if she wanted to take the DD's and I will meet her at the party after work. She cant take the DD's as they are too much for her and FIL doesn't 'do' family parties Hmm

So now I have had to ask for half a day off work so that I can go so MIL can, understandably, have her DGD's there (I think she wants to show them off lol)

I am a bit upset with DH as we could do with the money but now I am gonna loose half a days pay.

Not sure what to to, WIBU to tell DH to suck it up for his Mums sake and our sake as we need the money and we really cannot afford for me to take half a day off work!

OP posts:
deaddei · 30/08/2010 08:41

Oh I just wouldn't go.
Too much hassle.
It's only a christening.

Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 08:43

But I don't think that is fair on MIL she would like her DGD's there.

OP posts:
deaddei · 30/08/2010 08:45

Only to show off!!!!
(you can tell I don't have any involvement in dh's family events Smile)

VinegarTits · 30/08/2010 08:46

why cant you just take your dd's to the party after work?

SalFresco · 30/08/2010 08:47

DH should take them. He can't put you in the position of taking time off work becuase he doesn't like someone...I would just make him go!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 30/08/2010 08:48

She wants them there but won't look after them. Your husband won't do this for his own mother because he doesn't like the christenee's Dad. And you have to take time off work and lose money?

I wouldn't go. Not your family, not your problem. If your MIL is upset, she should raise it with her son, not you.

whoneedssleepanyway · 30/08/2010 08:52

think your DH is being pretty unreasonable, I would just take your DDs to the party...

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 30/08/2010 08:58

But surely in FIL 'doesn't do' family parties, your MIL could be more understanding about you DH not beig there? I would do what you planned - take them afterwards. You're making an effort to be there.

5DollarShake · 30/08/2010 09:00

This is a no-brainer, surely??

Tell your DH to sort himself out and take the girls to the damn Christening!!

RiverOfSleep · 30/08/2010 09:01

I wouldn't take time off work just so mil could 'show off' DGC at a christening.

It's a church service not a 'look at my DGC' show.

I'd just take them to the party after work.

PaulineCampbellJones · 30/08/2010 09:07

Just take them to the party and she can show them off there. Not a lot of opportunity to do that in church surely?
Or is your MIL secretly a bit worried about being there alone?

DuelingFanjo · 30/08/2010 09:08

I wouldn't bother taking a half day off.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 30/08/2010 09:33

I think you are doing a good thing by taking the time off to take the dds to the christening. And I don't think it is bad or unusual that your MIL probably wants them there to show them off a bit - to my mind, that's one of the joys of being a grandparent - we all enjoy our children being admired, and being a grandparent means you get that pleasure without the hard work.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be upset with your dh - as you said, he could suck it up and take his dds to the christening, so that the family wouldn't have to lose your half day's pay.

Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 09:39

Thanks everyone, it didn't cross my mind to just take the girls to the party after I had finished work. MIL would then get to show them off. I know a lot of people don't like their DC shown off but it doesn't bother me, just show me how much MIL loves them and is proud of them. I also don't think it is odd for GP's to want to show them off tbh.

Think I will do a full day at work and meet MIL there for the party Grin

DH still wont come so not a lot I can do there Sad

Thanks Everyone.

OP posts:
hellooo · 30/08/2010 09:40

She wants to show them off?

It's not her grandchildren who are being christened.

Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 09:43

MIL's not worried about being there alone, she is used to FIL not going to family do's. TBH makes for a nicer day without FIL there as he is a miserable so and so!

But then again MIL is used to having DH and myself there and of course the DD's, so I think she may have been worried if I couldn't go due to work.

She is unable to cope with the DD"s on her own, TBH MIL and FIL are unable to cope with them on their own (they are the ones to say this not me or DH BTW) I think both the DD's is too daunting for them at the same time.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 09:43

insertwitty perfect solution, isn't MN great Grin

PS: Tell your DH he's letting his MUM down, not the others and that he is being a complete twat.

Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 09:44

No its not her grandchildren who are being christened, and yes she wants to show off her beautiful DGD's at a family do. Not something out of the ordinary I think.

Shows how proud she is of our DD's.

OP posts:
Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 09:47

lol, I have told DH he is letting his mum down he just shrugs his shoulders Angry

He is okay with every other family party/do/wedding/christening etc but he really cannot stand the dad of the little one being christened. I can understand as I don't like him much TBH but I love the littles girls mum she is fab.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 09:55

I was going to ask you how he felt about the Mum & the child... after all, it's for the child, not the Dad.

It's a very odd attitude, is he like his Dad in many ways and are there things about his Dad that would bother you if your DH started to do those as well..... now is the time to nip it in the bud Wink

Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 10:07

haha, FIl is actualy Step-Fil lol. He isn't like him one bit thank god. Dh just really does not like the dad of the little girl.

I don't get along with FIL very well and DH tolerates him for his mums sake.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 10:21

That's a bit of a relief then :)... well not that you don't like him, but that the genes haven't been passed down!!

However, you could try telling DH that he's bcoming more like his SD, not 'doing' family do's etc Wink that might have him begging to take DD to the party :)

Original poster
insertwittynicknameHERE · 30/08/2010 10:23

Ha good idea chipping in lol.

OP posts:
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