To be upset with nursery

[tzatzikiandchips]

My 18 month old has been the eldest in the baby room for a while i called in july and said i was unhappy with this as i feel he is bored and not progressing in development (speach ect). They said he will move up begining of September and were doing induction days to his new room before then, i ask if he could have more induction days than planned and they agreed. So i was happy thinking he would be with older toddlers from 1st Sept.

I picked him up on friday and asked what room he would be in on Thursday (he attends nursery thurs and fridays) i was shown to a room through another room and all the birthdays are on the wall. He is still the eldest!!! so he is moving rooms but with lots of the younger . The room we walked through to yet to his room also had the birthdays on the wall and there were 2 children younger than him and the rest older. I said i was very unhappy that he is still the eldest in the room and would be till they have the next move around (maybe 6m) and why couldnt he be in the next room (with the 2 younger than him and rest elder) She said she would speak to the bosses and get back to me tuesday.

Im still fuming about this as i spoke to the owner in juy about my concerns in july.

AIBU to be unhappy? my OH says "well someone has to be the eldest" I have looked at a website of a new local nursery and they have rooms by age so 18m to 2 then 2-3 so i guess here all children would take turns in being the eldest before they move rooms. Is this how it usually works?

Do nurserys have a syllbus (or simmilar )that they should follow as im concerend he has been in the baby room doing baby activities and he is with younger children some 12m he will be doing activities more suitable for the younger ones and not progressing. Or would the activities be the same anyway?

I just want him with older ones he can learn from in speach and behavior. AIBU?

Sorry this is so long

I don't know if you're being unreasonable really, but just being around people speaking will help a child's speech development unless there are particular issues like speech delay etc which will be picked up and dealt with.

A nursery should use the EYFS framework, but tbh I'm not keen on "proper" activities for such young children; they learn so much through play and "being" that they don't need framed / led activities IMO but you could check the stepping stones to see where your ds is at... although children do develop at different rates so should be used as a guide only.

Our Nursery has 0-1 room, 1-2, 2-3 and 3 until they go to school. However the ages are just a guide and they won't move them up into the next age group until they are physically and mentally ready. If the group you are wanting him to move into has a lot of strong/boistrous(sp?)/overbearing children in it it may be that they feel your DS wouldn't cope. I think you may need to ask for a proper meeting (not just 5 mins at beginning or end of day) with Key worker to discuss your DS.

I totally agree with mummylion our ds was the eldest in his room for awhile when in the lowest agegroup and when I asked they gave the exact reason that mummylion has mentioned above. Inwas told i have a 'sensitive' ds who would likely to be very over powered in the next room at that time hemremained in the 'lite room' a few more months before moving up. He is still a 'sensitive' little boy, but starts school in 3 weeks. We are all (including him) very excited about it. He has come on leaps and bounds and I wouldn't hesitate to send our new arrival to the same nursery as a result. Hth

The same thing happened with us. I agree with youbethemummylion, that it's probably got something to do with the dynamics of the next group up and that they may have felt your DS wasn't ready for some reason.

I would definitely have a discussion with his key worker to put your mind at rest. However, I would try to see this as a good sign that they are thinking of each child and their needs individually. DS wasn't moved up exactly on the age brackets as he was slightly shy compared to some of the other boys. He's now been moved up and is very happy. Developmentally, he's probably ahead of his age group with speaking etc and I don't feel he's been held back at all.

Our nursery seems to work similar to yours. Baby 1 for under 1, Baby 2 are for 1-2s (although both these groups tend to mix a lot. Toddlers from 2-3 and then 3 and over in pre-school.

My dd moved a month before her 2nd b'day. She is fairly confident so was moved with a couple of other kids.

TBH I have mixed feeling about her move.
I didn't think her speech suffered being with the babies as at that age they tend to socialise with the adults rather than other children. But with so many new babies, she was getting less attention from the adults.

In the new class she is one of the youngest but because of her very pleasant nature, I woried that the adults (fewer of them for each child as well) would not notice if she was struggling a bit.

She has started crying again when I drop her off but is always happy at pick up. She also struggled a lot at first when she first started as they have a male carer. DD is weird around men she doesn't know. They are now best friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. I don't think she'd have coped with a move at 18 months. At that time she needed adult/child socialising. Now though she needs to be able to play with other kids. Not quite there yet, but it's coming. She has had her face badly scratched in the new class. And she has started pushing at home when she's angry .

I wouldn't push the nursery too hard. Perhaps try to get him to move closer to his second birthday. I think 18mths is still a bit young to cope with fewer carers and possibly more boisterous kids.

YABU as you should be focussing on your child being happy to leave you at nursery and stay there. Not on his speech.

How on earth do you know that an 18m-old is bored at nursery?

He is only there 2 days a week so I really wouldnt worry about it.

I think it is worth you making an appointment with his key worker to discuss this properly. As others have said there are probably very good reasons as to why they have structured the classes as they have and I agree with your dh that someone has to be the eldest!

I also thinking you are putting too much importance on the role of nursery to help his speech. He is with them only 2 days a week but with you for 5!!!! Don't you think that you will have a much greater input into this as he is with you more than twice the time he is in nrsery? If you are concerned about his speech then talk to your health visitor about things you can do to help this yourself and don't rely on nursery.

if in england then nursery will be following EYFS which is all about child-led play rather than formal activities thought up by the adults

I can't really answer your question but...

As it is September it isn't surprising that a whole group are moving up together as the top year group will have all left at the same time to go to school. I have been told by a few nurseries that the easiest time to get a baby into nursery is in September when the oldest leave and everyone shuffles up.

When is your sons birthday? My son is 4 on Sept 17th and has missed out going up to reception by 17 days! My son will be one of the oldest in his class at nursery for another year. All his friends are going up and even one of his friends whos birthday is on 8th sept is going up but my DS cant.

But someones got to be the oldest. I do think you are BVU.

yabu to think that being around slightly younger children will hamper his language development, but yanbu to be unhappy that they don't seem to have been straight with you in discussing your concerns.

My fist concern is of course that my DS is happy. He is an active child and loves to be running round jumoing of things (if i let him) trampolining, kicking a ball ect. As he is with younger ones some only just walking i dont think they would let him run round which is when he is happyiest incase of standing or knocking over the little ones.

Nursery have said to me that he is a potterier (sp) so just potters around all day, and i think its cos he isnt interested in playing with the little ones.

When i take him to play groups there was one with only little ones and he wants to leave straight away, and at other groups with older LOs he is happy playing.

A few people at work and my SIL have said, when he moves rooms he will come on leaps and bounds with his speach, so thats where i have got that idea. And kids do tend to learn a lot from their peers i think.

My dS was born in February 09.

I will speak to nursery on tuesday as to their reasons for not putting him with the older ones but they have told me in the past that he is confindent so i dont think that would be the reason. I think it is do the the days he is in and arranging it so they can fit more children into the nursery.

Thanks for the replies

there will always be older and younger children

my dc is the eldest at nursery, starts school sept 6 a few days away from 5th birthday

for the last year he has been the eldest at nursery and yes been bored playing with young children, so maybe your dc is where he is as otherwise he would be boring the older ones lol

my friends dc is just 4 and will be the youngest

your dc is only there for 2 days and as long as he is happy then i dont see the problem

there's such a wide variation of normal language/communication development at this age, it doesn't always follow that a 20 month old say will be moer advanced a "more model" than a 15 month old. at this age it's the talking/singing/reading that you (and his adult nursery carers) do with him that will make the difference, not the influence of other 1 or 2 year olds...

DD is one of the oldest in her room at nursery, officially the baby room goes up to 14 months but she's only moving up now at 21 months with a group of other children of similar age (coincidentally they're all developmentally ready at the start of the school year ). Having seen the way the children in the next room up play (more structured play eg sitting on a mat for story time together, painting with brishes rather than finger painting etc) she certainly wouldn't have been ready at 14 months.

The girls in the baby room change the activities to suit the older ones, eg if the tinies are investigating textures of fabric, the older ones will be using the same things to wrap around dollies and boxes etc. The speech thing is unlikely to be affected by being with babies, as the nursery nurses are the ones who do all the talking really rather than learning from other children whose speech isn't mature yet.