to be doing a fern britton/anne diamond?

[Stinson]

I had a gastric band done abroad 5 years ago when I was 27. Told nobody, only DH (who came with me). PILs had DCs, told them we were going on holiday. Took time off as holiday from work (and said I'd strained myself skiing to explain careful movements). Used money my parents left me (they passed away two years previously - part of why my eating got out of control - my mum always used to say how worried she was about my size so I thought she'd approve of this use of inheritance).

I think at the time I was embarrassed about not being able to control my eating and gastric banding wasn't in the news as much as it is now.

Problem with food/eating - compulsive overeater and had therapy. Went up 3 stone in 4 months after parents died and had GB done at 18 stone, size 22. Now 10st 7lbs, size 12.

The only people who know are still DH and me - and my GP.

Now I am older I am not ashamed anymore - of having it done or of having problems with food. The band is quite 'loose' now but I still can't eat much in one go and sometimes something will get 'stuck' and I am sick.

Most of the people I know now have only known me the size I am now.

I am wondering if I should just come clean and the next time that happens say "oh it's not the food, it's that I had a gastric band put in five years ago".

But I am scared of what people will think of me!

(should add that what prompted this post was going out for dinner with friends last night, risotto got stuck and had to rush off to be sick - our friends asked DH if I was expecting! When am at dinner parties or anywhere food is served I am noticably eating much slower than other people and leaving a lot of food so I worry I hurt people's feelings if they have cooked for me)

did it hurt much ?

I don't you owe anybody honesty about a personal operation. You have told your husband already, so it's not as though you have a lie hanging over you that could 'explode' your life. Whether or not you hand over to strangers an opportunity to judge you (or hopefully not judge you) is entirely up to you. You're not being secretive or lying by omission..

ps, which is bothering you more? the feeling that you are being secretive (even though that's your prerogative!) or the fear of being judged?

you don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to...try not to care what anyone would think...you've done what you thought was the best thing to do for yourself...why should anyone else need to know your personal history...i think you should be proud and happy how you are now,....anyway....10st 7lb..size 12...bloody fab,wish i was...x

droves, it hurt a lot for about four days afterwards. Stayed one night in hospital after operation (on morphine). Discharged next afternoon with paracetemol and nothing else - had brought co-codamol from UK after reading forums about banding.

One more night abroad then came home which was the worst bit - took the eurostar and the cab home from Waterloo (as it was then), was agony.

Was tender for 3 weeks or so but not painful after four days.

It is entirely up to you if you want to tell people, but be prepared for long discussions. If a close friend of mine told me they had a gastric band I would be inquisitive and am to say but might be a little judgemental until I understood, but to understand I would ask a lot of questions. Are you ready for your relaxing evenings out to turn into a Spanish Inquisition?

Maybe tell your close friends in a one to one or small group situation when food isn't being eaten iykwim and then let the word get out.

YANU to tell your friends but equally YANU to not tell them.

Valium, I am most uncomfortable feeling I am being dishonest to friends who might think I lost the weight without help (and compare themselves unfavourably - I know at least one friend feels she has no willpower and it would be freeing to say "neither did I, I had a gastric band").

It's not the reactions/judging of my close circle of friends which worries me but of the wider world - and I don't want to just tell a couple of people and swear them to secrecy because to be honest, if it did then 'get out' in the wider world I'd be much more embarrassed than if I just came out publically as it were.

Well, if they are good friends, who have shared something private with you, then you could consider sharing with them. But would you be concerned they would make it 'widely known'?

Even though you might have needed less WILL power, it still doesn't sound EASY! you had to have an operation, which leaves something inside you permanently. I didn't think it was fair when Fern Britton was made out to be some kind of 'cheat'. Like having a gastric band fitted, and then living with it would be easy .

You will be gossiped about but it'll die down. The only time I get knarjed off about it is when people get it done on nhs.

I have to say, about 10 years ago, a friend of a friend had her breasts enlarged and I was sworn to secrecy by the girl who told me. It nearly killed me keeping that secret! I have a feeling it mgiht be general knowledge now. NObody mentions it anymore, so it's become yeah blah old news without anybody ever actually discussing it. Very civilised.

stinson , all i can think is well done for being brave enough to get the op done !
Id like to think most of your friends would be proud of you ... anybody who isnt is just .

YANBU, it's your business and no-one elses. And bloody good for you for taking control, doing what was right for you, and keeping your pesonal business personal.