Feel bad about this, but didnt know what else to do at the time, wwyd?

[laloony]

firstly i cant begin to explain to you how terrified of dogs i am. big, small, it doesnt matter, i feel sick, shake and feel terror utter utter terror if one comes near me.
i cross the road if i see one, always been like this.
so pils have one.

went to pick ds & dh up from there last week, knocked on the door, and it began to bark, its head off.
sweats started, stomach churned, began to shake.
dh answered the door with the dog behind his legs barking like mad. he turned a held the dog by its collar but it jsut went on and on barking.
i could not go round it without it touching me as it and dh were blocking the doorway. so it told him i would wait int he car.

i dont got to pils for many reasons, but one of which is the dog.
so mil came out and although was nice, was obviously gobsmacked that i wouldnt come in the house,
i appologised and explained, but she clearly wasnt happy.
i just cant be in a room with a dog, i cant.
a room with pil & a dog....then hell no, but they dont get it.feel a bit bad about it.

Nesta, oh my, I'm no expert!

Sorry, I was trying to shorten what I meant - well, that was a mistake, wasn't it? :)

I mean that I don't have tolerance for anyone with a dislike of dogs/prissiness about getting non-important clothing furry/a misguided belief that x breed of dog is dangerous and so on using the excuse that they fear dogs (and funnily enough, I generally have a nose for a dog disliker! :o ).

As a stranger to me, of course I wouldn't subject you and your fears to my soppy GSDs because you have no reason trust me and know nothing of my background or my dogs. A family member (or DP!) is different and I would expect them to have a little faith in me and my ability to know my dogs and control them appropriately.

For you and the OP, of course I'd put the dogs out of the way, as I suggested that the OPs PIL did from the very start. I did once tell ex BIL that his GF, who more or less tried to invite herself to my house but didn't like dogs so said that she wanted me to keep them in the garden for the duration (in winter!), could go f.... well, you get the idea I'm sure!

I agree with whoever it was that said people simply don't understand how different a phobia is from a dislike. It is utterly terrorising and paralysing, and no amount of reassurance can take it away - the only solution is to remove the object of the fear. But of course, with dogs, you can't remove them from life altogether. Nor, apparently, their hairs - moulting or not, there is no excuse for handing someone a cup of dog hair tea! That is appalling hygiene/ housekeeping!

Laloona, you should definitely take serious steps to tackle your phobia with therapy. CBT is one option, although in the whole field of psychological therapies it is widely recognised to be a very limited therapy. Human Givens is an excellent, broad approach to therapy, which incorporates hypnosis/ trance-like states to enable you to relax and be more open to suggestions that will transform your thinking. Whatever you choose, you must do something about this phobia as you are clearly being imprisoned by it.

Also if you do go for therapy, make sure you get a personal recommendation as that's usually the most reliable way to choose someone.

In the meantime why don't you explain the nature of your phobia to your PIL? Even give them some printed information about it so that they are under no illusions.

Some info here which might help you, haven't read it all so may not be great for PIL. I googled 'human givens phobia' to find that, there's also a youtube vid which came up in my search results. I am not connected to HG, but a friend of mine is an HG therapist and what she's told me about them sounds very impressive - it seems to combine the best elements from a wide range of therapies, IIRC. Best of luck.

Valhalla, fair play to you . Slight hijack on the thread, but you have given me good advice in teh past (which you prob don't remember!) and although I'm still terrified, and really don't like dogs, I'm doing a better job of not passing it on to my DCs.

I do remember you Juicy (my memory's better on here than in RL where often I remember the name of the dog but not the owner !).

I'm glad I was able to help, thank you. :)

You can get help for this on the NHS - don't need to go privately. Just need to see GP and ask for a referral if you want help with any phobia.

Valhalla, it seems you dislike discrimination of dog breeds as much as I would dislike discrimination of say, race in humans.

I do agree that people are discriminatory about staffies (me included) but I don't think it really matters that much because it's hardly going to hurt the dog's feelings. It just means that they will cross the street to avoid the dog or won't let their children near them.

Sorry if I am being ignorant but in this instance I don't care. Ignorant or not, I wouldn't put my children in any risk by allowing them near a staffie- there's no good reason to take a risk.

It might just be my opinion that they look scary but really, being objective, they are really broad shouldered and muscly and powerful, they have big jaws and an iron grip- I don't think I am alone in thinking that this constitutes scary looking.

"I do agree that people are discriminatory about staffies (me included) but I don't think it really matters that much because it's hardly going to hurt the dog's feelings. It just means that they will cross the street to avoid the dog or won't let their children near them."

No you're right, it doesn't hurt the dogs feelings it just causes hundreds of them to be put down unnecessarily because of ignorance like yours.

Why would a dog be put down unless it had actually hurt someone?

And I'm pretty certain my feelings on the matter have not caused a dog to be put down unnecessarily.

If I'm wrong please explain this to me.

If you're scared of dogs, they have to understand that. It's nothing personal, you're not doing it on purpose and if they had any decency they could shut the dog in the back garden for the duration of your visit, surely.

Good point supercherry. How could being scared of a staffie cause it to be put down? I understood that dogs only got put down if they had attacked and were considered a danger in future. I am willing to be enlightened.

Personally I cross the road if I see a dog that looks scary. Broad chested dogs with big teeth, regardless of breed, are usually enough to cause my heart to start beating faster and to experience anxiety. I therefore avoid them.

Supercherry, unfortunately the public have started to believe the stupid stories in the "newspapers" about staffies and now have viewpoints like yours. It's these feelings that are causing staffies to be put down in their hundreds by rehoming centres and pounds, even though they're perfectly healthy dogs.

The stupid stories are usually based on a real event, like a child being mauled though charlie. So, those of us who read about another dog attack (invariably a rottweiler or staffie) are not going to improve our opinion of them. Much as the media might go in for 'killer dog' sensationalism, they aren't making up the breed of the dog. Therevfore, I know that my son's friend's mum (two rottweilers) has in her house two dogs who could, if they wanted, injure or kill my son. I have no such thoughts about the lab opposite.

Any dog (regardless of breed, size) COULD hurt a child or an adult either deliberately or by accident. I do not discriminate by breed I just am not comfortable being around dogs or
with DD being around dogs. I don't have a phobia I just find it uncomfortable.

Within reason I would expect a friend/relative to let their dog out in the garden or put into another room when I visit. I don't think this is unreasonable and dog owners that I know don't seem to have an issue with this.

OP YANBU but it sounds like you have bigger issues with your PIL, but hairy dog brew yuk, yuk, yuk!!

Obviously, but with the reported evidence pointing to certain breeds I am reluctant to allow the dcs near those types.

I'm so bored of these weekly anti-dog threads. It always brings out hysterical people who claim every single dog is just biding its time until it can get the chance to kill your kids eventhough your kids are far more likely to be run over or murdered/attacked by another human being.

'Although individual differences in personality exist, common traits exist throughout the Staffords. Due to its breeding, the modern dog is known for its character of indomitable courage, high intelligence, and tenacity. This, coupled with its affection for its friends (and children in particular), its off-duty quietness and trustworthy stability, make it a foremost all-purpose dog. It has been said that "No breed is more loving with its family" Because of their affinity for children, Staffordshire Bull Terriers are sometimes known as ?Nanny Dogs? in England.

The breed is naturally muscular and may appear intimidating; however, because of their natural fondness for people, most Staffords are temperamentally ill-suited for guard or attack-dog training.'

From Wikipedia.

There are more attacks on children from Labradors every year, than Staffies.

I realise that there are more attacks from labs, but that could be because more families have labs therefore skewing the statistics.

However, an attack from a staffie seems to be more likely to end in death- you cannot get them off once they have a grip. This is just from what I read in the media though I'd like to point out.

Oh and to add, I wouldn't call the stories I have read stupid. I would call them horrifying or tragic.

I would call the stories stupid sensationalist nonsense. However, it is horrifying AND tragic whenever a dog OF ANY BREED attacks and god forbid, kills a child.

Thank you Ineedmorechocolatenow, that is exactly what I was going to quote. Good to see someone who doesn't believe everything they read in the papers.

Oh and OP, I've been meaning to say YANBU IMO as you have a phobia of dogs, not just a fear or dislike. I know what that's like as I'm the same way with spiders. Your PIL should be putting the dog in the garden whenever you visit. I kick my cats out when my FIL visits as he's phobic of them.

I am a dog lover.

I know that a JRT is probably more likely to bite a child than a staffie. My worry is more the amount of damage a big and/or powerful dog like a staffie/rottie/gsd can do very quickly.

A JRT could kill a baby very quickly but its unlikely IMO to be able to inflict serious damage on an older child and could be removed more easily.

So its not entirely ridiculous to be wary of some breeds.

I would rather get into a fight with a yorkie than a rottie.

I am another dog owner who happily removes my dogs from the house if a visitor is frightend. Its only polite and it doesnt hurt the dogs to spend a while in the garden or in our summer house.

If my child, god forbid, had been attacked by a dog, and the story published I would be really offended by people calling the story 'stupid' or 'nonsense'.

What stories are we talking about here?

It was only today that I heard on the local radio about a girl, I think aged 10, while riding her bike being attacked by 3 dogs, 2 of which were rottweilers.

Why would anyone, newspaper or otherwise, make up stories about dogs attacking children? Who would that benefit?

Do you think it's a conspiracy theory aimed at getting all staffies put down? Now that's what I call stupid.