to disagree with MIL just because I dislike her (and her views on everything)

[Mowiol]

OK - I know I'm not perfect and have never claimed to be but:
Since I married my husband nearly 30 yrs ago I have heard MIL's racist, homophobic, bigoted nonsense spouting out of her gob.
Had to conciliate and intervene when she has interfered in the lives of my DCs.
She has insulted me slyly, criticised our parenting, tried to interfere by telling me (a grown woman) what career she thinks I should follow, passes remarks about our physical appearance (this from a woman who has crimplene items in her wardrobe) and generally thinks the world wants to hear her opinions.
Listen to her criticising DH (a very lovely,decent man) for "not doing enough for her" when he bends over backwards to do her garden, sort out paperwork, do all of her DIY stuff etc.
Had to endure her verbal shit because my DH is all she has really - well her DD, my SIL fell out with her years ago and they didn't speak for 10 years so DH was a bit like an only child for a while.
Sorry - I know this is a rant but I have just spent a Friday evening seething because of this poisonous old woman who is demanding visits from our DD (her grandaughter), hubby and grandson (my DS is also in the firing line here for not visiting - but it all goes "pete tong" because she can't just be "granny" and tries to run their lives, interfere etc.)
DD and son-in-law have ONE day per week as a family (both work) and our son-in-law has a mum and four siblings too to visit apart from me and DH. Plus MY parents DO NOT demand these visits.
When I challenged the the old bat MIL, quite forcefully, she did her useful "deaf" trick. She is actually quite deaf but she turned her head after saying her piece when I was laying into her so that I was basically talking to a brick wall.
I have to say I harbour rather nasty feelings about her in my heart and I do not like it.
Her own daughter and her cannot see eye to eye and my DH is piggy in the middle.
So, my nasty little strategy is to disagree with her (even on the very rare occasion when I think she may be right) because I cannot stand her. It works for me and I can just argue for the sake of it.
Rant over and you can now flame me.

YANBU for disagreeing with her when you mean it, YABU to do it when you don't. She sounds a joy. But your disagreements are probably losing their impact without the occasional agreement

I won't flame you as i've got a very similar one myself and 14 years later she and FOL were dumped,10 years ago,and what a releif it's been,we haven't seen them since,they sporadically tried to get in touch but DP chose to ignore them.It sounds very harsh but his upbringing and their treatment of me and later the DC's made it their own doing.Not all Grandparents are a good thing,some are horrid....i would be devastated if my children felt the same about us,luckily they don't.

No flaming from me either. I'd probably have fun with the deafness too (mime the occasional sentence then talk audibly again) but I do have a vicious streak.

Morganlebuffay - I see your argument but honestly when you have been "nice" for the better part of 15 years you may see where I am coming from. I initially was a wimp and didn't disagree (more fool me) but in the last 5-10 years I have found the strength to do it.
MoralDefective - your situation sounds a lot worse than mine. My MIL is awful a lot of the time but often she is "bearable" IYSWIM so we just get on with it. Quite frankly, it's her expectation of what my DH should be doing that grinds my gears. He is so accomodating and decent but she has no idea what a gem she has in her son. She actually does seem to think the world revolves around her.

WhereYouLeftIt - I like your style !!

Eh? I wasn't saying you should be nice. I just don't really see the point of saying you disagree with her when you actually don't; why is it being "a wimp" to agree or say nothing when you do in fact agree? Disagree with her with all the vigour you like when you do mean it, by all means. I have a MIL like yours so I do know where you are coming from.

This is the part of your post I was referring to: "So, my nasty little strategy is to disagree with her (even on the very rare occasion when I think she may be right)"

Morganlebuffay - Sorry, I get your point but I guess what I'm trying to say is that after many years of being a "nice" person I have actually become someone who takes pleasure in disagreeing for the sake of it. And I do know really that it is unreasonable so I agree - I'm probably diminishing my "real" disagreements.
I've just had an unpleasant evening with her and she managed to disturb my inner calm yet again so hence my post.
I'll be fine in the morning - honest!!

Cut this poisonous old goat out of your life. Have been going through something similar with my MIL four 4 years and have finally started to put my foot down. These people do not change, no matter how caring/thoughtful/etc their children and grandchildren are. Nothing will ever be good enough because she just wants to moan/complain and try and make you and her son feel bad. And now she's starting on your kids. If you have to see her then so be it, but have your fun. I have started to voice my opinion - for so long I was scared to - and the reaction in my MIL and her partner is hysterical. Life is too short to pander to these people - why try and make their lives better when they are trying to make yours worse? My parents heaped guilt on me from the age of 16, and now, at 41, I have finally realised what they were up to and the tables have turned. Might sound harsh but you get one life. I think sometimes that some people enjoy misery, so let your MIL get on with it. On her own.

No flaming here either, unfortunatley my MIL is very similer.
In my case I just couldnt take the crap any more, so walked out and have only had to see her twice in the last year and a half.

shriekable I loved reading your saying, "why try and make their lives better when they are trying to make yours worse". That is my sentiment exactly.

Im in a similar situation with my mil and gmil (2 of the old bats to contend with) Dh grandma didn?t even acknowledge me when we went to introduce DD and [seriously pissed off face].