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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross with sister refusing to look after DS?

28 replies

ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 13:49

DSis lives on next street to me, is a single parent and has a 6 year old DD who I adore and have regularly looked after since she was 2. I look after DN overnight about once a week, often for full weekends and pick her up from school once a week and after school club almost every day. I do not mind this at all, I love DN very much, she is delightful and me and my sis have no-one else really to look after each others kids. DSis doesn't have DS to anywhere near this extent but I have a DH and not a very wild social life so don't go anywhere really. She has almost always had him if I ask unless she is doing something.

So today I asked her if she would have DS for a few hours while me and DH go to Ikea on tuesday (not enough room in car for stuff if we take him and I am 25 weeks pg so can't really go on my own and lift stuff in trolley/car etc.. Also can't go at the weekend as DH works unsocialble hours)
She said no because

  1. its her day off and DN is away for the week.
2.She has very recently met a new bloke on internet and he is coming up for the bank holiday weekened today and will still be here on tuesday so she wants to spend time with him. He has come up for the last 2 weekends but she won't see him next weekend.

Quote "I want to see new bloke because DN isn't here and that will never happen again" What never??

Feeling really cross that she can't have DS for a couple of hours but at the same time thinking I might BU as she is obviously totally loved up with new man?
So AIBU??

OP posts:
traceybath · 27/08/2010 14:04

Yes you are being a bit unreasonable I think

Order the stuff online from ikea or go another time and ask your sister when is convenient for her to look after your DS for a few hours.

diddl · 27/08/2010 14:16

Can´t you give your husband list or pre order?

Or ask when it would be OK?

If you haven´t met "new man", would you want your son there with him?

RonansMummy · 27/08/2010 14:29

yabu, shes loved up and she usually looks after him, shes not refusing to be awkward. can't ds go and play at a friend's house instead?

Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 14:33

Yes I have met new man last weekend and do trust sister not to place DS in any dodgy circs but its just grates that I would always have DN when she asks but she can't spare 2 hours away from new bloke (known him 3 weeks) AND who she will have spent 3 days with by tuesday, to help us out. Grr.

I could give DH list but actaully I love Ikea (especially the market place bit!!)

Also he isn't insured on my big car just his small renault clio so stuff won't fit in anyway)
Sis works full time and DH only off tuesdays and wednesdays so a bit tricky to co-ordinate another time.

Actually have just thought that we could go on Weds night when sis gets back from work, think Ikea is open late isn't it? Will check times and hopefully go then if she can have DS.

I think the problem is that she is quite selfish in many ways and I am always concious that I judge her too harshly even when she is not being unreasonable due to her past behaviours.

OP posts:
Kathyjelly · 27/08/2010 14:33

YABU. She's found a new man which I guess doesn't happen often. She's in that first flush and not unreasonably wants to make the most of a child free weekend.

Can't you order the stuff delivered?

Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 14:38

Ronans mummy - all other alternatives not poss, one friend on hols, 2 others days at work and other friend has arthritis and really hate to ask her unless its a total emergency.

Hopefully will go Weds night and not be cross with sis....and trying very hard to remember that loved up stage...its a distant memory after 12 years with DH!!

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 27/08/2010 14:38

YABU no one has a god given right to have their children looked after by relatives.

Coca · 27/08/2010 14:41

Sorry but yabu. Be happy for your sister and order online.

curlymama · 27/08/2010 14:42

YABU, even if she wasn't allloved up with her new man. I can see it's a pain for you and you are just asking her to return a favour. But presumably you wouldn't drop plans you had made to babysit for her, especially if your dcs weren't around and you were having some adult time.

Glad you have managed to figure out another ikea plan. I love ikea!

Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 14:48

Shiney - I don't think its my god given right for sis to look after my DS. I have very few babysitters and hardly ever go anywhere so it is not unreasonable for me to ask her. I fully accept I am BU about her not having him but I think its the REASON why she can't have him thats winding me up not the fact that she can't have him IYSWIM?

She has recently started the internet dating thing and so has met many men lately and yes I have looked after her DD when she has gone on dates!

OP posts:
RonansMummy · 27/08/2010 14:48

ikea is awesome! can i come too! :-)

alicet · 27/08/2010 14:50

YABU from me too. Order online, go on your own (yes you might be 25 weeks pg but they are very helpful so you won't need to lift anything) or go another time.

No way would I be looking after anyone elses children if I had a kid free day. Not unless it was a total emergency which a trip to Ikea isn't.

Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 14:52

curlymama - you are right I wouldn't change plans if me and DH had planned adult time maybe am jealous...can't remember last time we had ANY adult time!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 14:53

Ronans mummy - if you came too problem would be solved!!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 27/08/2010 14:53

People don't have to babysit for you. They don't even have to have a good reason. She could say she is planning on painting her nails while watching Jeremy Kyle if she wanted.

potplant · 27/08/2010 15:05

Come on - she's 3 weeks into a new relationship and she's not going to be seeing him for a while. Even my rusty old married 10 years brain cells can remember what that is like.

She's always there for you every other time so cut her a bit of slack.

DuelingFanjo · 27/08/2010 15:07

YABU - she has other plans.

greentriangle · 27/08/2010 15:25

You say you have a big car and your DH has a renault clio.

You, your DH and your DS all go and take both cars. Your DH can drive your DS back in his clio and you can drive the big car back full of furniture.

I think she might see your trip as a bit of a nicety (ie not an essential) and there are ways round it as I have put above. She might be really lonely on her own and desperately hoping the new relationship works.

So sorry....YABU a bit, I think!

MadAboutQuavers · 27/08/2010 15:31

YABU - she's entitled to a social life.

It's just as important to her as your trip to Ikea is to you!

diddl · 27/08/2010 15:33

YABU for enjoying a trip to IkeaGrin

Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 15:38

green triangle - Good plan!! Never thought of that. Thats actually brill solution as it is a neccessity trip, we are buying DS new bedroom furniture and storage for all the crap in 3rd bedroom, we need need to clear it out (hence storage), decorate, furnish get DS settled in a big bed and decorate his old room for DC2 due in Nov. So maybe feeling a bit stressed about all that and really do want to go next week.

I think she is lonely and def wants this relationship to work out, I don't think I considered that either as she has had lots of dates/non starter relationships which have come to nothing or ended in tears. I was a bit dismissive of this new one because of that instead of considering that this could be the big one..

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 27/08/2010 15:40

YABU. A trip to IKEA is not important. And who wants to be child free and then end up looking after someone else's child?

Original poster
ceasar04 · 27/08/2010 15:44

diddl How dare you diss the Swedish giant... i love it there Wink DH hates it though so he would agree with you!

quavers - believe me she does have a VERY active social life, she goes out at least twice a week, enabled in part by me regularly looking after her DD.

Am def going to do the 2 car thing though and going to ring sister now and apologise for being an arse.

MNetters - thank you!!

OP posts:
sanielle · 27/08/2010 15:47

YABU, she only just rid of her kid for the weekend.. Grin

She's got a dirty weekend planned and mean of you to think she should skip it... even for Ikea :)

LadyBiscuit · 27/08/2010 15:50

And also then your DS can choose his stuff that he likes (or at least be given the illusion of choice - I steer mine into what I want to buy and he thinks he's picked it) which will help him get over having his nose put out of joint over new baby. Also you can have a lovely breakfast for pennies :o